Here's something new I came up with a while ago. I know it's been a long time since I've been here and I expect that that has its consequences. I promise to update Rocking the Cradle as soon as I get back home (currently I'm in Thailand) but I just want to see what you guys think of this. So, here goes nothing (: If you like what you read, let me know if you want me to continue (:
Undying gratitude xo,
- Loes
1 . HELLO NEITHER FRIEND NOR FOE
It was seven months ago since he’d broken my heart in the most cruel, superficial and terrible way possible. Well, maybe not the most terrible way possible, although there are very few things that could top breaking up with a girl over an IM conversation.
I felt like a complete idiot. I’d always known he wasn’t anywhere near over that vixen who’d broken his heart. And who was I to think I could help him heal the wounds she had inflicted on him? It seemed like a reasonable challenge at the time. It’d been six months since they’d broken up.
Maybe I just didn’t read between the lines well enough. Or maybe I didn’t want to believe what my head was screaming. Whatever it uttered, my heart knew a way to silence its cries.
He was in the wrong. He knew what he did. I didn’t do anything wrong. All I did was have enough nerve to let myself fall completely in love with him. And of course after the break up he could boast and minimize our relationship to something like ‘a harmless fling’ or whatever. It was insignificant to him.
We’d tried to stay friends. He found it troubling, as did I. Perhaps he felt guilty for breaking my heart. For using me for his own personal gain. And I couldn’t let him go. I refused to douse that little flame of hope, that someday he’d open up his eyes and realize he was a fool to let me get away.
That day never came.
It wasn’t a healthy friendship to commit to at the time.
Ever since I didn’t allow myself to re-read the poems he’d written, the songs he’d recorded and sent over and threw all of his stuff away. Well... most of it.
It was time to move on.
As I should have realized. I was weaker of mind back then. Things had changed. Time had passed, bridges burned and lessons learned. After three months of writhing in pain over the break-up, I’d come to terms with the facts and forced my heart to turn stone cold for the mention of the name Nick Jonas.
I didn’t hate him. But most of my friends and family had a particular dislike towards him. Not something I had motivated. I usually was the fool actually defending him.
Ridiculous but true.
It was a painful time, but after a while I’d managed to close off that chapter of my life, and move on. I found new love, someone who treated me well and was truly kind of heart.
And all was well. I didn’t have to be confronted with my alleged ex for seven entire months. I mean – we’d spoken occasionally, very briefly. Just checking up on each other. Perhaps a masked way of holding on to the past. But no – now I was truly sure my feelings for him had died. The flame of hope had gone out and he was not a friend nor a foe. We were nowhere close to what we were, and I didn’t expect that to change, seeing as we rarely spoke nowadays.
Combs were being brushed through my hair; the air was filled by the musky smell of hairspray and different perfumes being sprayed around.
“Lift your chin up a little bit please, Lucy.”
And I did as I was told, smiling lightly as the make-up artist smothered my face with a powdery substance.
“You’re looking ah-mazing darling. I swear, the magazines will be talking about that dress.” My agent, Billie Williams praised with a broad grin.
“Thanks, Billie.”
I scrutinized every detail of my appearance while gazing in the mirror. Being nominated for an Oscar is something very extraordinary, and I had to look my best – whether I won or not.
And after another half an hour I was freed from the grasp of my wardrobe crew.
“Go get ‘m tiger.” Billie cheered, as I slid down into the black leather seat of a limousine that had pulled up in front of the hotel I was staying at. It was a beautiful and accommodating hotel. The agency always took very good care of me. My mother was often worried. Having her seventeen year old daughter traveling around the world, shooting movies, promoting them and what not. I imagined it could be rather stressful for a mom.
“I’ll do my best.” I smiled, as the chauffeur shut the door, and I watched my agent and the rest of the wardrobe crew mutely cheer happily.
I giggled to myself, as the engine started up and we drove off.
ONE NEW TEXT MESSAGE
04-Aug-09 19:34 PM
From: Caleb Lennox
You’re going to do great
Luce, don’t worry. Call
me when you get your
prize, kay? ;) Love you.
He really did love me, Caleb I mean. All my friends (and I agree with them) say he’s probably the ‘perfect boyfriend’. And he kind of is. He’s always the gentleman, always knows the right things to say, gets along with my parents, never keeps me waiting, always calls when he promised to call. I’m extremely fortunate.
Everyone thought it was an exceptional upgrade from Nick.
Did he ever love me at all? Or was that a figment of his imagination when trying to get over his ex? He didn’t call when he promised. He kept me waiting. He spoke words that hurt me more than any physical wound could ache. He broke my heart.
Caleb mended mine together again.
We met five months ago, while I was in Vancouver shooting New Moon – don’t get too excited, my role was very small but it was a great opportunity. He was there for his modeling career and we crossed paths when promotional pictures were taken for the movie.
I sank deep into thought, sending a quick text message back and switching my cell phone off. We arrived down at the Oscars much sooner than I had expected.
“Good luck, little miss.” The chauffeur encouraged with a warm grin.
I nodded.
“Thank you very much.”
The car door flew open and I was ambushed by a flood of flashes that came from outside. With a bright smile I walked on out, flaunting my cerulean blue dress that flowed all the way down to my knees.
Life was good.
I only talked to a couple of clusters full of reporters, not wanting to be too caught up in the paparazzi. It was time to head on inside.
Inside, I found myself seated in between two of my fellow colleagues from one of my most recent projects: Emma Roberts and Patrick Dempsey. We were filming the movie ‘Valentine’s Day’ together and it was great to be seated with people I was familiar with.
“Ten bucks says you’ll win this.” Emma said with a wicked grin.
“Fifteen bucks says she’ll include me in her ‘thank you’ speech.” Patrick playfully joined.
I laughed.
“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” I said maturely, not wanting to get my hopes up in case I was let down.
The lights dimmed and the awards commenced. Hugh Jackman opened up the ceremony with a comical theatrical play. It was definitely amusing.
I knew the Award of ‘Actress in Supporting Role’ was somewhere near the end so I’d simply have to be very patient.
“To present the awards for Animated Feature film, ladies and gentlemen – please welcome the Jonas Brothers!”
I froze in my seat as my hands clutched onto its arms. I held my breath seeing the three rockstars walk onto the stage.
Kevin, Joe and then … Nick.
I was trying to ridicule him in my mind, but I couldn’t. I was flabbergasted, caught of guard. Nobody told me he’d be here.
Billie.
Ah, she probably didn’t tell me on purpose, knowing I’d act all queasy about the matter. She was right.
Pull it together, Lucy!
“The nominees for the Oscar award of Animated Feature Film are..” His husky, deep voice chimed throughout the entire hall.
I cast my eyes towards my side, seeing Emma curiously looking at me while mouthing: ‘You OK?’
I quickly nodded my head, forcing a smile on my face. Suddenly I was incredibly nervous. If I did win the award, and had to go on stage, he would most definitely see me, and what if I saw him halfway my speech? Would I freeze up like I just did? Would I stutter and stumble over my words? Oh great.
And finally when the three Jersey bred boys called out: “Wall-E!” I was relieved that they left the stage in a matter of minutes.
It was almost as if throughout the rest of the evening I was in some sort of paralyzed trance.
A part of me wanted him to see me, and let him see that he shouldn’t have let me go and that I am doing simply fine without him. But another part of me didn’t want him to see me. Because of what if he realized he was right to dump me? What if he was just amused by the way I looked now? Yes, my appearance had changed drastically from seven months ago – partially because of the new movie I was shooting, but I didn’t think it looked all that bad.
“The nominees for Best Actress in Supporting Role are …”
Both Emma and Patrick gave me an excited glance as the nominees were named. I had some pretty steep competition.
“And the winner of the Oscar for Best Actress in Supporting role is …”
Not me. Let it be me. Not me.
A little mental war was going on in my head. Why wouldn’t I want to win an Oscar? Just because I was afraid of the speech I had to give? Oh come on, Lucy!
“Lucy Princeton, Welcome To Heatherfield!”
Lucy Princeton? Lucy as in my ex-girlfriend?
I gasped, as Emma and Patrick squeezed both my hands.
I rose up from my seat, making my way down the aisle to run up towards the stage.
I watched the screen as the camera zeroed in on a tall, slender brunette. Was that Lucy? Her hair was different. And then I noticed how she’d changed more than just her hair. She looked pretty – she looked well I mean.
It’d been so long.
And there stood Will Smith, holding my Oscar with a bright grin painted on his face.
My heart sped up when I saw her take the stage, a dazzling smile painted on her face. It’d been over half a year since we’d seen each other. Never did I find myself motivated to really talk to her so much. It made me feel too guilty for what I’d done.
What had I done, you ask? Well .. I broke her heart. It was my fault, my mistake – even if I hate to admit it. I should’ve never started dating her, knowing I wasn’t over Miley. But I did – at the time she was just so kind, caring and I liked her, a lot.
But I couldn’t help but compare her to how she wasn’t like Miley. How she didn’t have those same quirks I loved about her. I couldn’t fall in love with Lucy, and I felt terrible for breaking her perfectly good heart.
“Congratulations!” He roared in my ear, above all the applause, handing me the Oscar.
I smiled modestly, thanking him as I turned towards the microphone, forcing myself not to scan the crowd (even though I was dying to) for a sign of my ex.
“Wow,” was the first thing that came out of my mouth. “, this is kinda crazy.” I held up the Oscar, shooting it a quizzical glance. Was this really happening?
“First off – I really want to thank my mom. She’s the best, and I want to thank her for helping me follow my dreams. Then of course, my cast and crew at Welcome To Heatherfield – you all really brought out the best in me..” I paused for ‘dramatic effect’ as my eyes initiatively looked around the room and then I saw him.
Hearing the way she started off her ‘thank-you’ speech brought a smile upon my face. She hadn’t change much on the inside, I could tell. Mature, sophisticated yet playful and witty at the same time.
Something I always found attractive about her.
He stared up at me, and I had no idea what was going on in his mind. It was almost as if he was forcing that otherwise natural smoldering look in his eyes.
When I caught her eye, I felt myself stiffen. I tried to give her the most neutral glance I could. Did I succeed? Who knows.
I glanced away, smiling to cover up the pause that lasted a moment too long.
“Really. Everyone back home, all the people I’ve worked with and that have helped me grow, thank you!” I smiled, seeing the cue screen blip it was time for me to get off the stage. And as soon as I did they took the Oscar off my hands. I knew that was standard procedure at the Oscars, so I let them and returned to my seat with haste.
And she disappeared again. I didn’t want her to disappear – at least, I felt a tugging at my heart when she did. I wanted to talk to her again. I refused to swallow my pride however. Perhaps I should go over there and congratulate her? Th
“Told you.” Was the first thing Emma said with a broad grin.
“You didn’t mention me..” Patrick said with a frown. “, now I lose fifteen bucks.”
“As if you can’t afford it.” I teased, rolling my eyes.
“True.” Patrick admitted ever so *CENSORED*ily.
Emma and I both laughed.
At the end of the ceremony I switched my cell phone back on, finding I had a lot of messages waiting for me – my friends must’ve seen me on the telly I assumed.
34 NEW TEXT MESSAGES
04-Aug-09 21:27 PM
From: Caleb Lennox
You won!!! Congrats love,
I know you’ve worked so
hard for this. You deserve
it. There’s a surprise
waiting in your hotel room
;) Love and miss you.
04-Aug-09 21:19 PM
From: Nick Jonas
Hello Lucy in the sky,
it’s been a while, hasn’t
it? I just wanted to
congratulate you with the
Oscar. You going to the
after party? If so, do
you feel like catching up?
- Nick.
Those were the first two text messages I read. And the second one completely threw me off. It’d been seven freaking months. And in those seven months it was always I having to check up on him, and gather my courage to send him a text to see how he was. And what? He sees me go on stage for three minutes and suddenly gets the epiphany to ‘catch up with Lucy in the sky’.
Who did he think he was? But it was too late. My mind was already spiraling at the idea of seeing him again. No! I hated him for that. I didn’t want to catch up with him. But then again I did. Maybe it was better for closure. I didn’t know. I simply stared at the text message, not knowing what to reply.
