Ergh....way to be impatient Kirsten. Lol!
Just kidding, you know i love ya. :)
And.....just for you....chapater one! :D
Just so we're clear, Aimee is Kirsten's POV, and I, Jessica, am Nick's POV.
:)
And here we go.
Chapter 1:
“What hurts the most is being so close, and having so much to say…”
-Rascal Flatts
-Nick
‘Hey, meet me for coffee in 10?’ I pressed send, slowly closing my phone. Should I have sounded so positive? Did it make it seem like I set her up? I shook my head, too many thoughts swimming through my mind. I slowly slid down the wall, burying my head in my hands…could I go through with this? I’d find out soon enough. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I opened the new message hesitantly.
‘Sure thing Snickers :)’ I placed my hands tightly over my face, trying to postpone this pain that would inevitably come. She had no idea, no idea that this was coming. I think that’s what is going to hurt me the most, the pain I would be able to plainly see in her innocent, loving eyes. She would be confused, try to get me to explain…but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. I rose up slowly, picking up my keys and walking out my door, wiping away the one tear that had escaped down my face.
Time seems to go faster when you don’t want to be where you are going, and in a matter of seconds I was parked in front of our favorite coffee shop, scared to even move. Then I saw her, beautiful and perfect, walk through the doors of the shop, not even seeing me sit in my car. My hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white from the pressure. I couldn’t do this. I looked up to watch her, adorably biting her lip as she considered what to order. Then suddenly she was looking at me, that amazing, matchless smile coming towards me. I put on my best ‘happy’ face and got out of the car just as she ran into my arms. I told myself not to hold her again, it would just be harder for her when…well, I just felt like being selfish. I wanted to remember the last time I held her. It felt so good to hold her, to know that she was safe and secure in my arms, nothing could get to her. But not anymore, these same arms that were holding her…she would loathe ever being put around her.
I was about to let go, really I was, when she turned her head ever so slightly, and pressed her lips gently to mine. No, this was one thing I would not allow myself to do. I would not kiss her, I couldn’t….I’d never imagined how impossibly hard this was going to be. Everything about her drew me in, and I never, ever wanted to have to say goodbye, we were made for each other, in every single way. But today…was goodbye.
I moaned softly as she kissed me, moving my lips with hers like everything was fine. For these 3 seconds when she was here in my arms, it was. Her perfect, beautiful, wonderful self was…mine. But when she pulled back and kissed my nose, I knew this had to happen. Her love was all I’ve ever really had…hopefully that would sustain me. I let go, my heart yearning to pull her back because I knew I would never hold her again, and settled for her hand, leading her into the coffee shop. Her fingers laced through mine as we sat in our favorite corner, and I turned to face her. I owed her that much.
“Kirsten?” I said, making her name sound like a question. She looked up at me, one eyebrow raised. She knew me, inside and out, and could tell I was in pain. I could hardly bear it when she settled her hand on my knee and scooted closer.
“What’s wrong babe?” She said, her voice and closeness getting to my head, making my thoughts go far away, but I snapped back. I gently pulled a piece of hair behind her ear as she looked at me, worried. Her eyes were so….No, stop it Nick. Don’t make it harder…
“Kirsten,” I snapped my face into a straight expression, I couldn’t handle more than that. “Kirsten, this isn’t going to work.” She just looked at me, confused.
“I…I don’t understand.” She said, “Do you want to go somewhere else for coffee?” I shook my head several times, I just needed to say it.
“No, Kirs, I…you and I…we just aren’t working out. I…” I struggled so hard to say it. “I’m just not feeling this anymore…” I couldn’t believe how cold I sounded, my voice monotone, it hurt to talk to her that way, but I could give nothing away. This was for her.
“But….But…Nick, tell me what I did. Please…” My heart was tearing inside of me as she searched for a way to fix this. “P..P..Please Nick, how can I fix…” I almost lost it as I looked into her eyes, she thought that this was her fault, she wanted to know what she did…I felt the tears start to well into my eyes, but I forced them back, I couldn’t show her what I felt. So I shook my head mechanically, not even in control of myself anymore. “Nick, no, please…I love you.” I held back the sob that was desperately trying to break free of my chest, I couldn’t do this….but I would.
“I don’t love you.” I said coldly, my voice devoud of any emotion. “Bye Kirs.” I said as straight as I could, trying my best not to look at her. I stood and started to leave, but there she was, standing right in front of me, tears falling freely down her cheeks. I had no choice but to look into her eyes, I couldn’t avoid it any longer. The pain, the hopelessness I saw in her beautiful, tortured eyes almost sent me over the edge.
“Please.” She whispered, holding my face in her hands. I almost let my tears out and gathered her into my arms, never letting go. Almost. But I held out, thinking of that sole reason…and I looked straight into her eyes, saying the only thing that wouldn’t cause her more pain.
“I hope you can talk to me someday.” And then I left her, standing in the coffee shop, ours, all alone, not once looking back because I knew I would turn around and run to her. I got in my car, glancing once as I pulled out, and saw her sitting in our corner…staring at nothing, tears flowing down her face. She made no movements, just sat there. I almost screamed as my foot hit the gas and she tore out of my sight.
Once I was far enough away to trust myself not to go back, I drove without knowing. After a while I pulled into our driveway, knowing no one was home. I walked up to my room, frozen. I’d really done it. It was over. Kirsten….I would never see her again. I let my emotions out the only manly way I could, I punched my wall, and it went through. The slight physical pain I felt was nothing compared to this frozen wasteland of my life without her. Life without her. My mother ran into the room, apparently she was home, and saw me on the floor. A hole in the wall and blood on my hands, but when she saw my face( I don’t even know what she saw, or how she knew anything), she ran to me and held me. That’s when I lost it. And I, Nick Jonas, sobbed uncontrollably as my mother cradled me into her chest, rocking me back and forth.
You never did care enough about me anyways, with my heart on the floor; it’s time for me to go my own way.
--M y Own Way: Honor Society
-Kristen
I awoke to my phone buzzing under my pillow, I had just received a text message. “Hey, meet me for coffee in 10?” I read it slowly and smiled to myself, it was from Nick which meant for the time being he was here in California where he belonged.
“Sure Thing Snickers” I replied pressing send and quickly rolling out of bed pulling on a sweater and letting my hair fall loose. The best part about Nick, he could care less if I put everything into my looks or not.
I opened the door to our spot, the coffee shop just down the road from his house and scanned the room for him. I walked past a couple more interested in the food than each other when he wasn’t anywhere I could find him; I made my way back towards the entrance.
I took a double check outside and sure enough there was his car parked just outside the door. It was just like me to have missed it. I stepped outside and in front of his car looking at him looking at me, and I bit my lip.
He got out of his car, and I ran towards him, literally leaping into his arms. He loosened his grip around me then tightened it again as if he were having a debate with himself. So to make him forget about whatever he was thinking I turned my head slowly and pressed my lips on his.
He still seemed distant even as he kissed me, he moaned softly his lips still against mine. I pulled back and kissed his nose, his hair was just as curly and bouncy as ever, but there was something different about his eyes, something missing..
He let go of me, but then he took my hand and we made our way to the table in the corner. He sat facing me then asked “Kirsten?” making my name sound more like a question so I looked up at him raising my right eyebrow. There was definitely something he wasn’t telling me.
So I gently placed my hand on his knee and scooted closer to him. “What’s wrong babe?” I said, he tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear.
“Kirsten,” he said, his expression changing about a million times before settling in a hard blank way. “Kirsten, this isn’t going to work.”
I just stared at him, what wasn’t going to work? “I... I don’t understand” I said “Do you want to go somewhere else for coffee?”
He shook his head “No Kris, I... you and I... we just aren’t working out. I...” he stuttered. I could feel my heart shattering, “I’m just not feeling this anymore...” he finished.
Could anyone else hear it? My heart just exploded... “But.... But... Nick, tell me what I did. Please...” I breathed, I needed to know why, and clearly something I did wasn’t right and it was killing me inside, I couldn’t just let him go. If he left me, I don’t know what I will do. “P...P...Please Nick, how can I fix...”
Again, he shook just stared at me. His face was smooth and emotionless as stone, and I just couldn’t take it.
“Nick, please…I love you.” I said in one last, desperate attempt to keep him. That had to matter didn’t it? Apparently not.
“I don’t love you.” I just stood there, in complete and utter shock. There was no emotion in his voice as he said this, it was if he really didn’t love me. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe it was all a lie. “Bye Kirs” He said, not looking at me. He stood and started to walk out.
I did all I could to make him stay, jumping out of my seat and standing in front of him. I was crying and I didn’t care, this was killing me. “Please” I whispered, reaching up so his face was in between my hands. I needed him.
“I hope you talk to me again someday” he said then took his face out of my hands and walked away.
I took a few deep breaths because people were watching but I couldn’t help it I started sobbing. So I sat back in my chair.
Was there really nothing I could have done, maybe I did something to offend him. What if I would have tried harder? I could have changed for him...
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there crying. Many people had come in and out, this time when I heard the chime of the door open the person didn’t go straight to order coffee or to a table, they came to me. I felt the person shove me over and sit beside me hugging me tight.
“Kirsten, it’s going to be okay” It was my sister Summer.
“How...how did you know” I choked out.
She rubbed my back “Denise called mom” she said “Nick’s not taking this easily either.”
That’s when I lost it. I jumped out of my seat and looked at her “No, you’re wrong” I screamed “Nick doesn’t care, he never cared about me! It was all a lie!” a fresh set of tears started streaming down my face and Summer just looked at me not sure what to think.
So I ran, I didn’t have a destination, I continued down the hot pavement going as fast as I could before collapsing in the grass on the side of the road somewhere, panting. I had no intentions of going back home. Lying in the tall damp grass I thought of my time with Nick, to me it was everything.
Now I doubted it all, it was never real anyways, he never cared about me.
mmmmmkay. so there it is. :D
comments.are.the.epitome.of.happiness....justsaying. :)
-J<3
