16 . THE GHOST OF YOU IS HAUNTING ME
Two more weeks had passed. And within those two weeks, there were days that I barely thought about either one of them. I was at ease and doing just fine without them. But why did I still ponder about them every night I lay in bed?
It was one of those nights again. My eyes were open, but all I could sit was the pitch black darkness surrounding me. Time had been insignificant at the time – nowadays make up artist were skilled enough to handle anything, even my zombie-like face.
I couldn’t sleep. I was looking for the cause of my insomnia. First I blamed my alarm clock, then the fact that my feet were cold but I knew I was just trying to lie to myself. I wanted to stop this little game. If it was even a game that is. I wanted to be able to stand up and just choose one of them.
I just wanted to be happy again. Truly happy. Kind of ridiculous how I think either one of them will give me that. So much for independence. I was seeing flashes of images, nostalgia probably. Thinking back to when times were much, much easier.
It was my dear friend Malese Jow’s birthday – she was finally turning 18, a milestone in her life. Completely at bliss and having a good ole time, I was there laughing along and singing happy birthday when three figures waddled into the room.
They were obviously late. In their case I could say fashionably late. It didn’t take me more than five seconds to figure out who they were.
The Jonas Brothers.
No, I’m not a fan girl so don’t start thinking I am. I’m Lucy Princeton and honestly, not out of arrogance – but I have quite a couple of them fans myself.
The entire night I spent socializing with people – but what also occupied me the entire evening was staring over at him. Nick Jonas. He was remarkably fascinating and ridiculously attractive.
And somehow, I could tell he was looking at me too. He’d stepped forward later that night, giving a little speech directed towards Malese and also singing happy birthday to her, along with his brothers. It was heart warming.
Eventually I felt quite pathetic with my little, insignificant crush I’d formed and busied myself with other things.
“Hey Luce! You should really meet Nick here!” Malese squeaked happily as she came by me, dragging along a blushing Nick Jonas.
I was stunned. Did Malese just read my mind or had Nick Jonas asked to her to be introduced? To me? Really?
“So. Socialize. I’ll be off mingling!” And the merry birthday girl disappeared into the crowd again.
And there we stood, standing across each other, both looking quite embarrassed to say the least.
“Hi.” Nick spoke up, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
“Hey.” I countered, chuckling.
“I’m Nick.”
I wanted to say: “I know.” But I didn’t, refraining to come across as some fan girl or at least holding back on giving him the slightest ego boost by informing him I knew who he was.
“Lucy.” I introduced, extending my hands towards his.
He shook it firmly, yet in that polite and charming way. I laughed and so did he.
“Is it just me, or is Malese trying to play a little game of match making here?” I asked boldly, arching an eyebrow curiously.
“Maybe.” Nick said, “But would that really be all that bad?”
“Maybe.” I replied, “Or maybe not. We should find out.” I suggested, feeling more confident than I had in a long time. Most of my relationships never worked out. They were always not quite there, if you get what I’m saying. Just not enough to turn into a relationship. I had crushes, I had dates – just not actual boyfriends.
“Sounds wonderful to me.” Nick had agreed, grinning. “Want to get a drink?”
“I’d love to.”
I groaned, stuffing my head back into my fluffy pillow, trying to block out the memories, throwing up walls and building barriers to leave my mental state of mind in this pitch black, silent room. There were no voices, no memories of flashing images. Just the quiet solitude I longed for.
Words were starting to float up again. And by the mere thought of words another memory hit me like a ton of bricks.
“What are you doing out here all by yourself?”
I found myself back where I was about a couple of months ago. It was a masquerade party being thrown in Hollywood, and I was out on the terrace to get some fresh air. The dance floor was awfully crowded and everyone was extremely energetic as opposed to me. I felt quite drained.
“Watching the grass grow, what else?” I joked, smiling as I looked over my shoulder to see this new guy I’d only met a week or so ago, join my side.
His name was Caleb Lennox and he was at my covershoot for Vanity Fair, one of the prop models on the set. I could not deny he was utterly gorgeous and a true gentleman at the same time. It had been a while that I had myself pondering about other men aside from the alleged ex boyfriend I did not want to be reminded of.
“It’s kinda crowded in there, isn’t it?” Caleb mused, taking off his Bordeaux red and glittery gold mask, revealing his pretty much flawless face and a beautiful smile.
“Kind of.” I agreed, nodding my head, gently exhaling.
“Is something on your mind?”
I sighed. If I was going to answer him honestly I could name a million things on my mind. How it was already past midnight and how I had to get up at six in the morning, how I hated the fact Nick hadn’t replied that last text I sent him, how Rosie was coming to visit in a week and I wasn’t sure if I was in the mood for her hyperactive nature. And that wasn’t even half of it.
“There’s always something on my mind.” I told him truthfully, chuckling softly.
“Oh really?”
“Really.”
Even without looking at him I could tell he was studying me. Trying to figure me out, trying to break down those invisible walls that surrounded me, that disallowed me to trust anyone beside ones I have trusted for a long time.
“I see.”
“What do you see?”
“The beautiful girl hiding behind this silly little mask.” Caleb stated, removing the silver mask that hid a part of my face, his piercing blue eyes boring into mine. “You don’t have to hide any longer. I’m here for you.”
And as strange as it may sound – this guy who was practically a stranger to me, made me feel like I was at home. Like I had known him for so long. Like someone I could rely on and trust.
It was dangerous to feel this safe with unfamiliar people. But perhaps it was a risk I was willing to take.
I tossed and turned in my bed. Why? Why could someone not wipe these memories from my brain so that I could have some peace of mind. This right here was ridiculous. Nostalgic memories that would not stop haunting me.
“This has to stop.” I said in a whisper, my hands tangled up in my hair due to the frustration.
Stop.
