Heyyy everyone! I haven't written a one-shot in ages, so I figured I was due.
This one is based on the song "Permanent" by David Cook. For anyone who hasn't heard the song, it's incredible. You can find it, along with the rest of the album, on his website. And go buy it on Tuesday!
I hope you enjoy. It's insanely long, but I'm hoping it makes up for all the time that I didn't write anything. Haha. Please let me know what you think!
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you’ll never see me cry.
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won’t go away today.
Grinning as she watched him dance about on stage, Bree’s heart swelled with pride knowing that all of his dreams had finally come true. From her seat in the front row, she clapped and sang along with every other fan in attendance, but she stood out from the thousands of bodies behind her.
She wasn’t dying to become Mrs. Nick Jonas, or his future sister-in-law, for that matter. That alone made her one-of-a-kind in this crowd. Bree was happy being the best friend, for the most part. Every now and then, she would wish that Nick would see her as something more, but he never did. It was just as well. She had seen Nick date girls and then dispose of them when they broke his heart. Bree would much rather be just friends with the rockstar than potentially ruin their decade-long friendship for a few weeks of romance.
Quickly wiping away a tear that had escaped onto her cheek, she watched as the youngest Jonas brother crossed the stage. Bree still couldn’t believe that he had made it this far, not that he didn’t deserve it or hadn’t worked hard enough for it. Nick had gone above and beyond, desperate to be successful in the music world and, alongside his older brothers, had accomplished more in his sixteen years than most people dreamed of doing in an entire lifetime.
Bree laughed heartily as she saw several emotions suddenly cross Nick’s face when he looked at her. Recognition, surprise, happiness. He hadn’t know that she would be in the crowd. He hadn’t even known that she was in Los Angeles and not back home in New Jersey. Bree waved enthusiastically at the shocked and motionless rocker, who quickly gathered his composure. A grin spread across his face and he waved back before returning to his microphone to sing the last verse of “Burnin’ Up”, the encore of the show.
The brothers finished the hit song and a thunderous applause filled the arena. Bree joined in and screamed along with everyone else as the three boys took their final bow. As the brothers jogged off the stage, the loud roar of applause continued. Bree found herself clapping on autopilot, in awe at the amazing performance she had just witnessed. She still found it difficult, even after two years of the trio ruling the music world, to believe that the guys who had just graced the stage were the same three guys she used to play “cops and robbers” with in Wyckoff.
Somehow Bree was able to maneuver through the mass crowd to the side of the stage, where the boys’ burly bodyguard was waiting to take her backstage. Her heart pounded with excitement; she hadn’t seen Nick since he’d left to go on this tour five months earlier. His mother had come up with the idea for the surprise visit. Bree’s sixteenth birthday was the next day, and Denise Jonas had known that the one person Bree would most want to celebrate the day with would be Nick.
Bree followed Big Rob into a brightly lit room, and she spotted her best friend immediately. Nick was sitting on a couch in the corner, mopping his face with a towel as he talked to Kevin. His dark curls were damp, his tight tank top clinging to his torso. Kevin raised his arm and pointing to the other side of the room where Bree stood frozen. Nick’s eyes widened, and he shoved himself off the couch, running over to Bree and pulling her into a tight hug.
“Breanna Leigh Simmons?” Nick asked, the disbelief evident in his voice. “What are you doing here? I swear I saw you in the audience, but I thought maybe I was hallucinating.”
“Nope, you‘re sane,” Bree replied, then giggled. “Well, I really am here. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not crazy.” She smiled up at Nick as he loosened his grip on her waist and pulled back just far enough so he could look at her face. “I haven’t seen you in forever, so your mom gave me the best birthday present ever and flew me out here.”
“That’s right!” Nick exclaimed. “You turn sixteen in--” he paused, quickly glancing at his watch. “One hour and 47 minutes. I would have baked a cake, but I haven’t exactly had time.”
“Too busy being a rockstar?” Bree asked with a smile. “You’re forgiven.” Nick casually slung an arm around Bree’s shoulders and lead her to an empty sofa, tucked away in the corner of the room.
“So how has everything been?” Bree asked after they’d sat down. “Is being a famous heartthrob everything it’s cracked up to be?”
“Everything’s great. Being a celebrity definitely has its perks,” he joked. Bree playfully nudged him in the side with her elbow.
“All of the ladies are throwing themselves at you. That’s got to be great, right?”
Nick frowned. “Actually to be honest, some things about this life aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Between you and me, I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. I mean, sure, I have my family. But I’m surrounded by all these other people, and I don’t know who’s real and who is just hanging around because I’m a celebrity. These people fade away faster than I can snap my fingers, and I don’t think any of them would be my friend if I wasn’t famous. It sucks.”
“I’m sure not everyone you meet is like that,” Bree said. Nick sighed a slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his body. He smelled like sweat and cologne, and the mixture was intoxicating to Bree. For a moment, she wished that he would hold her close in a romantic way, maybe even kiss the top of her head. But she quickly pushed those thoughts out of her mind.
“Not everyone, I suppose,” Nick agreed. “But you’re the only person who has been there all along, Bree. You’ve stuck around through everything. And you have no idea how much that means to me. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend.”
“You’re stuck with me, Jonas,” Bree said with a smile. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m permanent.” Nick chuckled softly and squeezed Bree’s shoulder.
“Sounds good to me, Simmons. I wouldn‘t have it any other way.”
Will you think that you’re all alone when no one’s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head.
I’m permanent.
Bree’s eyes fluttered open, and her surroundings blurred as her sleepy eyes tried to adjust. When everything came into focus, Bree grunted in disgust. She’d been cooped up in the same room for three weeks, and she kept praying that one morning she would awaken and everything that had happened in the last month would be a horrible nightmare. But every morning, she woke up in the exact same place.
The beeping machine next to the bed that monitored Bree’s vital signs went unnoticed; she was so used to the constant noise that she didn’t even hear it anymore. She shifted in the uncomfortable bed and the sudden movement triggered a wave of nausea to rush through her. Bree swallowed, resisting the urge to gag, and the sickness quickly passed. It was yet another thing she’d had to get used to in the past three weeks.
Bree slowly pushed herself to a sitting position, her joints aching from lack of movement. Something on her pillow tickled her forearm. She reached down and grabbed at the pillow, a lump rising in her throat as she held a handful of her long, blonde hair.
She could deal with the noisy machines that cluttered the room. She could deal with the nausea and the pain. The doctors had told her that her medications would cause her hair to fall out, but Bree had chosen not to think about it. But now, as she grasped the physical evidence in her hand, it was hard to ignore.
Tears began to slide down Bree’s cheeks, and within moments her shoulders were heaving as she sobbed. For three weeks, it had been easy to pretend that she was still the healthy nineteen year old that she had always been. Her diagnosis had come as a complete surprise, and before she knew it, she was living in the hospital receiving rounds of chemotherapy. She had tried to remain as strong as possible for both herself and her parents, who had not taken the news well. But as she held the first real sign of her disease in her hands, the strong façade crumbled and she felt vulnerable and afraid.
Fear overwhelmed Bree, and she struggled to keep her emotions under control, not wanting the nurses to pay her a visit. She felt alone; her parents couldn’t afford to take much time off work, so they were gone during the day. And while Bree’s friends showed much concern when she was first diagnosed, she had noticed that only a couple still paid her visits. No one wants to hang around a sick person, she thought sadly. She curled her knees up to her chest and stared out the window at the rain coming down, wishing that she could be outside despite the crummy weather.
A knock at the door caused Bree to wince, knowing that it was probably the nurses with her medications. She’d come to dread the gazillion pills she was required to take, because they always made her sick to her stomach.
But as Bree rolled over, a grin suddenly spread across her face. Instead of the nurse that she expected to see, a familiar curly-haired man stood at the door.
“Nick,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. The rockstar returned her smile, but the half-hearted grin didn’t cover up the pain that was evident on his face. He looked disheveled, like he hadn’t slept in days. He carried a large vase of colorful flowers and a ‘get well soon’ balloon. He set them down on the closest flat surface and walked quickly over to the hospital bed.
“Oh, God, Bree,” Nick said, his voice cracking as he leaned down and wrapped his arms around his best friend. His heart ached as he held her frail body against his. He still found it hard to believe that she had cancer. Bree had always been so tough, and always seemed invincible. It killed Nick that he couldn’t fly to New Jersey right after her diagnosis; contract obligations for a television show had kept him in Los Angeles. But as soon as he was able to, he had caught the first flight to his home state to be with Bree.
“What are you doing here, Nick?” Bree asked, looking up at Nick as he broke the hug. “Doesn’t your tour start this week?” Nick almost laughed when she said this. Leave it to Bree to keep tabs on his career even when she was confined in a hospital. He shook his head.
“We postponed it,” he said. “I want to be here with you. My brothers understand.”
“Nick---” Bree began to argue. But Nick shook his head again, his curly locks bouncing.
“Don’t even start, Bree. This is where I want to be. Oh, Bree, please don’t cry,” Nick said when he saw tears fill her eyes.
“I can’t help it,” she said. “I’m mad at you for putting your career on hold for me, but you have no idea how much it means to know that you care.” Bree lost control over her emotions and she began to sob. Nick again took her into his arms and wiped a tear off her cheek with his thumb.
“I’m so scared, Nick,” Bree confessed. She grabbed the lock of blonde hair from off her bed. “I woke up to this laying on my pillow. This is really happening, Nick. This is real. To make matters worse, it seems like everyone I know is abandoning me. I can’t do this alone. I can’t.” Bree looked up at Nick, her lower lip quivering. “I’m so scared,” she repeated softly. “I don’t want to die.”
A tear rolled down Nick’s cheek, and he tried to wipe it away before Bree saw him, but he didn’t think he was successful. He immediately vowed to be as strong as he possibly could. Bree needed him to be strong. God, I wish you would let me take her place, he silently pleaded. If given the option, he would in a heartbeat. Bree was the last person that deserved to go through this horrific ordeal. But if she had to battle the disease, she wasn’t going to do it alone. Nick would stick by her side.
“You’re not going to die,” Nick said firmly, trying to keep his own emotions under control. “You will beat this thing. And you don’t have to worry about being alone. I’ll be right here with you, no matter how long it takes. I’m not going anywhere.” Nick pulled Bree in closer to his body. He softly kissed her forehead and then rested his head on top of hers.
“I’m permanent,” he whispered.
I know she’s living in hell every single day.
So I ask ‘Oh God, is there some way for me to take her place?’
And when they say it’s so touch-and-go, I wish I could make it go away.
Will you think that you’re all alone when no one’s there to hold your hand?
When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head.
I’m permanent.
Bree’s hand shook as she took a sip of her coffee, nearly spilling the contents down the front of her shirt. She didn’t think she’d ever been as nervous as she was at that moment. She sat in a comfy chair in her favorite hometown coffee shop, waiting for her best friend to walk through the door.
She had news to tell him, and she hoped this would be the biggest moment of her young life. Bigger than the day she was diagnosed with cancer, and biggest than the day the doctors told her that her disease was in remission. Bigger than any moment in the three years that had followed, and bigger than the day she landed the career of her dreams.
Today was the day that she would tell Nick Jonas that she was in love with him. And Bree hoped that it would turn out to be a life-changing moment in a positive way and not end up being the day her lifelong crush crushed her.
Bree had always cared for Nick, from the moment they had met when they were just in elementary school. She had developed a crush on him through her teen years, but it wasn’t until he chose to be at her side while she was in the hospital rather than go on tour with his brothers. After three months in the hospital, Bree was released and although she loved being around Nick, she urged him to begin the tour that he’d put off for her.
Now, three years later, the brothers were in the middle of a much-needed break from showbiz. They had moved back to their home state of New Jersey, which gave Bree the opportunity to see Nick often. But while she should have enjoyed the time they spent together, the nagging feeling of the secret that she held inside of her always got in the way. For years she had harbored how she felt, but she couldn’t do it anymore. She had to tell Nick, even if it put their friendship in jeopardy.
From the corner of her eye, she spotted the front door open. In walked Nick, bundled up in a wool coat with a scarf around his neck to protect him from the winter weather. Bree’s stomach turned to jelly as she watched him smile and walk toward her. Nick’s face no longer showed any hint of the boyish good looks he had once possessed. In their place was a handsome maturity, and he looked better than he ever had before. The lights of the coffee shop bounced off his shiny curls, and he was so graceful that he almost glided as he walked.
Bree stood up and walked into Nick’s open arms, smiling when he pulled her into his chest, his arms tightly wrapped around her body. Bree closed her eyes and inhaled, his cologne teasing her nostrils. Too soon, the embrace was broken and they were both taking a seat. Bree took a deep breath; she might as well just dive right into what she had to say.
“So there’s something I want to talk to you about,” she said, hoping that the nervousness wasn’t evident in her voice. Nick nodded slowly.
“Yeah, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, too,” he replied, a small smile playing on his lips.
“You go first,” Bree said hurriedly, stalling. So much for just diving right in, she scolded herself. Coward.
Nick paused for a moment, then reached across the small table and picked up Bree’s hand, interlacing his fingers with hers. The gesture caught Bree by complete surprise, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe.
“I’m not sure exactly how to say this,” Nick said, taking a breath. “We’ve been friends for what, seventeen years? But Bree, I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.” He smiled when Bree’s eyes widened, and he gently squeezed her hand.
“I don’t want to be just friends with you anymore,” Nick continued. “There’s something between us, and I hope you can see it, too. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. I just needed to tell you how I felt. I needed to get it out in the open.”
Bree couldn’t speak. Her jaw dropped slightly, and she tried to say something, anything to Nick, but the words wouldn’t form. Literally speechless, she struggled to find the right words to say to him. Because the words that she was going to say, the speech that she practiced for days, was taken right out of her mouth.
“Please say something,” Nick said. Bree’s reaction had not been what he had hoped for. For several more moments he sat there, staring at her, waiting for her to say something. Tears suddenly sprang to his eyes, and he suddenly stood, nearly toppling his chair over. “I’m sorry,” he told Bree, then turned. He started for the door, wiping his eyes, desperately trying not to lose it. Every hope inside of him was crushed and, since he was sure Bree had seen the tears form, so was his pride.
“Nick.”
The rockstar turned and saw Bree walking toward him, her blonde hair bouncing softly as she strode over to him. She was so beautiful. Bree stopped close to Nick and looked up at him.
“Don’t you want to know why I asked you to meet me here?” Bree asked. “What it was that I wanted to say to you?” Nick nodded. Bree smiled crookedly, and what she did next surprised them both.
Bree tugged on Nick’s scarf, pulling his face down to hers. Their lips softly collided, and electricity shot through Bree’s body. Her hands found their way to the back of his neck, tangling in his soft curls. Nick’s arms wrapped around her slender waist, pulling her even closer, crushing her against his body. The kiss was at first hesitant, experimental, but soon intensified. Years of want and need were poured into the kiss, and Nick and Bree clung to each other, not even noticing the crowd of customers that were staring at them.
Bree pulled away slightly from Nick and left a trail of soft kisses up his jaw line to his temple. They were both breathing heavily, and when Bree’s lips left his temple and hovered around his ear, her hot breath on his skin nearly drove him over the edge.
“I love you, Nick,” Bree whispered, her body tingling with excitement. Nick’s head turned suddenly and he pressed his lips to hers again.
“I love you, too, Bree,” Nick said when he reluctantly broke the kiss. “I always have, and I always will.” He pulled her even closer to him, and buried his face in her hair, kissing the top of her head. For a few moments, neither one of them said a word, and a comfortable silence surrounded them.
“What’s going to happen when you leave again?” Bree asked hesitantly, breaking the silence. “When you and your brothers go back to your rockstar lifestyle? What happens then?”
“Wherever you are is where you‘ll find me,” Nick said. “You’re stuck with me, Bree. I’m not going anywhere.” He softly kissed the top of her head before dipping his head down to whisper in her ear.
“I’m permanent.”
I’m permanent.
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my promise that you’ll never see me cry.
