"I want to vanish, This is my fondest wish."
--Elvis Costello
From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning, my day had already begun terribly. Even with the sunlight cascading into my room, I would rather sit in the darkness. As the typical teenager does, I hated high school. Most of my classmates merely disliked it because they would rather be somewhere else. Me? I would rather be someone else. High school had been nothing but me having to live in my brother's shadow. He has left a legacy at my school, a legacy I could never live up to. So I've stopped trying, but it's hard to ignore it when I hear about him every single day. Each story is compared to something the great Joe Jonas did. Every football game is compared to his, each party is compared to the ones he threw. And somehow, I am supposed to be his reincarnation. So I've morphed myself into what my brother once was in the hopes I could recreate his success. It hasn't worked.
It wasn't always this way, in fact there was a time when no one cared about the Jonas family name. When we were in middle school, no one paid attention to us. Joe was just cast aside as another ADD ridden kid with too much excess energy. Those days were easier, no one in my grade cared about my brother and all my friends didn't see anything special about him. There are times when I wish I could go back to those days. I wish that I could just disappear, that I could be in a new town a million miles away. How will I ever be allowed into the spotlight when I'm stuck in the shadows?
The only thing my brother doesn't enjoy is music, my only true passion. He doesn't see the point to it. Unless he can dance or perform an air guitar solo to it, music has no importance. But to me, music is everything. It's breathing and heart beating, surviving involves music. My guitar is my only way to get the frustration out, the only one who can't judge me. It doesn't know me as Joe Jonas' little brother, but as Nick. If only a real person could see me that way, but it's a useless dream.
I cannot wait to leave this town, to leave behind this legacy I'm not even a part of. I'm tired of girls coming up to me so I can set them up with my brother. I'm over being invited to parties just to see if I can "party like Jonas". I'm not my brother, though no one can understand that. Not even Joe. Joe loves the attention, his god like status inflates his ego to a new degree. I cannot stand him anymore. Thankfully he's a few towns over attending college. He comes home often, usually for a big high school party. I have no idea how he can stand to be around high school kids still. But I think it has to do with that ego of his. Sometimes I just wish I could disappear, right into thin air. The worst part? I don't think anyone would notice if I was gone.
