Here we are ladies, as promised.
Sorry it took so long, hope this helps you forgive me. ;)
Chapter 3:
Nick-
“Nick!” Joe yelled happily, bursting into my room. We were off of touring for two weeks, seeing as every time I went on stage ‘all of the life was sucked out of me.’ Those were Joe’s dramatic words. I groaned at his happy tone, and pressed my face into my pillow. I didn’t want to be happy right now.
“Go away.” I muttered, hoping Joe would get the hint. But my brother is clueless.
“No man! I want my little brother back. We’re playing waffle-ball outside, Garbo and JT are over, and dad’s even going to play. Come on.” He sounded like a little girl, and when I looked up, he had his sad puppy dog eyes out. I groaned, I didn’t want to do this. Even if dad was playing, which he never does, maybe I could play for a little… NO Nick, No. I thought to myself, I just can’t do it. Not when she’s not there, cheering me on from the side lines. My little cheerleader. Oh. I missed her. I groaned, picturing her perfect face smiling at mine. She was gone, would never smile at me again, and I didn’t want to play a stupid game to make me feel happy.
“No.” I said forcefully, shaking my head. I turned away from Joe’s dejected stare, feeling even more guilty than before, if that’s even possible. He just turned around and walked out, shutting my door behind him.
“Agggh!” I screamed, throwing my pillow at the wall. Why was I hurting everyone? I hate to hurt people, but it seems that’s all that I’m doing. I can’t even remembered the last time I smiled. I looked out my window, and there they were, my family, my friends, and my bandmates, all having fun. They were still willing to play even though I didn’t want to.
I didn’t deserve to be happy right now. My heart was broken because she was gone, even more so because I told her to leave, that I didn’t want her. It was so so hard to know that she hates me. That she doesn’t love me anymore. I was still completely in love with her, but she couldn’t know that, for her own good. Even if she did know that, she probably wouldn’t even want me back now. She’s probably moved on, and that’s good. Because she should be with someone who isn’t so unhealthy for her. Someone who doesn’t hurt her time and time again. Some one that’s not me.
God, this is so hard. Especially when no one knows what I’m going through. They just all think I dumped Kirsten, and they have no clue what the real reason is.
My mother had tried to help me with this. After I’d broken down, she’d lifted my head to hers and kissed my forehead.
“It’ll be okay baby.” She said softly, smiling at me. I just nodded and hugged her. And I told her everything. Everything. It was hard, and I didn’t want to admit it to anyone, but she was there, and she was my wonderful mother. She comforted me of course, but she didn’t understand. She tried to convince me that it was a mistake, that Kirsten wasn’t going to be hurt if I stayed with her. But my mother was wrong.
Now I lay alone, not wanting to tell anyone else, because they’d all say the same thing. That Kirs and I should be together, that it would be alright. That we loved each other. But they’d be wrong, and I don’t want to hear it anymore. So I sit here, alone, waiting for this pain to get the slightest bit more bearable.
commentsarelove:)
-J<3
