WARNING: this chapter is kind of graphic. don't read if you don't think you should. this story is very deep
Why Are Entire Years Strewn
On The Cutting Room Floor Of Memory
When Single Frames From One Magic Night
Forever Flicker In Close-Up
On The 3D Imax Of My mind
Today reminded me just of that night. As we walked back to Cosmo's house, I couldn't stop the scene. It was on repeat, and there was no fast forward.
September 14, one year before
"I can't believe Cosmo's parents let him have this party!" I yelled to my friend Becca. She laughed taking a sip of her Pepsi can as we danced around the sea of teens.
I suddenly got dizzy and spotted Cosmo outside. I needed to get some Asprin. I waved to Becca and tried to get past the pounding headache drumming in my mind. The deafening music wasn't helping. I smiled sweetly as I made my way through the back door. Cosmo was talking to his brother, and his brother's friend Matt. I put my hand on Cosmo's shoulder, trying to stand up straight. He smiled. "You ok?" he asked.
I nodded negatively, and he laughed. "Do you have Asprin?" I asked. He nodded.
"It's in my bathroom in the medicine cabinet," he said. I nodded and tried to balance myself going back inside. My head was aching so badly. I felt someone follow me upstairs. It was Matt.
"Cosmo sent me in case you couldn't find it," he said truthfully. I nodded slowly and opened the door to Cosmo's room. It was dark, so I turned a light on. The music was faint, but no one could probably hear us up there. I turned on the light to Cosmo's bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. Matt was standing near the doorway.
Matt was repulsive to me, but he was cute to others. Not my type. I quickly downed two asprin with a glass of water. I stared at my reflection and breathed closing my eyes. "Better?" he asked. I nodded coming out into the bedroom. He smirked as I walked to the door. He blocked it.
"Thanks for your help...but I gotta go," I said calmly. He laughed and leaned down to kiss me. I turned my cheek away. "Get away!" I yelled, hoping someone would hear.
"B.itch. Listen to me! Shut up!" he shouted. I watched as my life flashed before me. A razor was brought to my chin as I slowly walked backward to the bed. And the lights were off. I gulped staring into the black ceiling. I couldn't do anything. I was helpless.
Cosmo's room had been to inviting before, when we used to practice together for the fall play or work on homework. Or just plain hang out in the summer. Now it was just frightening. Not even frighteneing, just terrifying.
Clothes were off. I was told to do things, I was slapped if I moved, I could barely breathe. And then I felt it. It was greusome. The pain was unbearable. Ripping...raping. I yelled, but my mouth was covered again. And he didn't stop. It just dragged on. And in the back of my head all I was thinking was: this can't happen to me. This can't happen to me! I'm a virgin and I'm very smart! Things like this are not supposed to happen to people like me!
He just moaned, shouting, yelling. The pain did not stop. But suddenly the music downstairs cut. People left. I heard cars turn on. Enginges roar. Five minutes later the doorknob of Cosmo's room jiggled. I felt a sign of relief creep up. Matt's hand still covered my mouth. He quickly took it off in fear that someone would catch him.
And I found my opportunity. "HELP!" I yelled as loud as humanly possible. Footsteps drew clower.
"Amanda?!" I heard Cosmo's voice. Matt immediately slapped me across the cheek, redness. THe razor blade once again met my face, and a streak of blood ran. I winced in pain. "AMANDA? WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED?!" Cosmo asked worried. I screeched from below Matt's hand.
The door suddenly burst open. Cosmo stood, shocked. I pulled the covers over myself, feeling myself cry. Matt stared at Cosmo. Cosmo pulled his cell phone from his pocket and immediately dialed 911. "Matt, you see this? The cops will catch you, or you can just leave now," he said angrily. Matt ran to gather his clothes and sprinted away.
I, on the other hand, was in shock. Never had I been so violated. No one said anything. Cosmo sighed, walked over to the bed. But I was quivering, almost insane. "Are you ok?" he asked.
Am I ok? AM I OK? "No," I managed to whisper. He ran and got a towel, collecting the blood on my cheek as I sobbed.
"I am so sorry," he spoke silently. The house was dead quiet. Like my soul.
Present
I stared at Cosmo's bed as he was putting a movie on.
Suddenly, I wanted to leave. Jersey wouldn't be so bad.
