___________________________

Stay
Darkness take over now,
Stay
No thinking twice.
Stay for tonight
The sound of your heart racing faster for me,
Is what will save me.

Whisper soft
Anticipating this eclipse.
Pulling you closer.
Melting now covered in silk.
Letting go into the stillness.

Head rush,
Careful don't drop me.
Shiver, taking me higher.

Stay
Darkness take over now,
Stay
No thinking twice.
Stay for tonight
The sound of your heart racing faster for me,
Is what will save me.

_____________________________

I took a deep breath and brushed my silky black hair out of my face. Images, pressed into my mind, flashed vividly through my brain, colorful and loud. I felt my body tremor as my hands unconsciously clenched into tight little fists. Then it was gone. I blinked.

"Surprise!" "Happy Birthday"

Bright smiles and colors greeted my eyes with the false pretensity of cheerfulness. I tried to brave a smile, wondering fleetingly how convincing I looked, and not really caring, and walked as if in a dream to the happy faces in front of me. I weaved my way around the room, hugging and talking to people. My Grandma, wrinkled and stooped with age, smelling of raisins and warmth. Uncle Earl, with his strange hat and smelling if ciggarettes. Joe, Nick, Kevin, and Frankie stood with their parents on the patio. There was something different about their attitude. Something I could sense in the atmosphere, if not in their hesitant faces, looking kindly towards me. Sincerity, perhaps. Actual desire to be here, with me. Me. At this time. My time. A time like this.

I'd heard it alot. "Poor Girl, what she must be going through!" That little tilt of the head and softening of the face reserved for small helpless animals and children. Maybe thats what I was. A small helpless child. There really was nothing I could do to help. It wasnt my fault..none of it was....it wasnt. It wasn't!

I might as well tell you. Whoever you are, and if youre actually reading this, you must be very bored. I really do not know who would want to read this. my story. The diary of me. Emmy.

I killed my parents. Ok maybe not literally but it was my fault. I was learning to drive. Car accident. Both of them gone. You can say passed away. but the truth is, theyre DEAD.

Oh man, there I go again. Tears on this wretched page. Stupid book, getting the better of me. No. It cant. I am stronger than that. So then why is my heart so weak? Why then, does it make that yelp of pain and passion every time I look at Joe? Stupid bloody heart. Yes, thats what it does. It bleeds. I thought what we had was special....once in a lifetime sort of thing.. But now...its like there is nothing there between us. Is it because of me? I know the accident affected me, but not horribly right? I mean i never even let anyone see me cry. See? Im strong. So then why are there tears on this putrid page?

Its not my fault.

Or was it..?

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