"You're kidding, right?"
I stomped down the final set of stairs, and out the record company's front doors after my best friends.
I slammed my foot down on the concrete, crossing my arms as they walked towards the waiting cab.
"Get back in there and take back what you just said!"
After they ignored my pleas, I let out my final gasp of a 15 minute protest, making sure to sound serious.
"DO IT NOW!"
Kevin opened the cab door, leaning his tired body on it.
He took a deep breath, his voice soft and collected.
"Let's just go home, Brenna."
I caved, sliding onto the pleather seat, Joe and Nick next to me, Kevin in the front.
The silent fifteen minute cab ride home seemed longer than some we had taken across entire states, and suddenly, I wasn't so excited to be back in Jersey.

The familiar marble steps seemed like they took an eternity to climb, and I felt like there was no one in the world that could have caused the boys as much pain as I had in the last hour. But, like they could read my mind, Nick blocked the doorway, staring me directly in the eye.

"This isn't your fault, Bren."
I shook my head in disagreement, Joe joining in.
He grabbed my hands, catching my eye contact so I knew he was sincere.
"What do we always say?" He continued to watch me. "Hmm?"
"It doesn't matter, Joe!" I tore my hands from his. "If it wasn't for me-"
"BRENNA!" he yelled. "If we go down.."
I looked to my feet. "We go down together."
He slid his arm across my shoulder before he kissed the top of my head. "That's right."
Nick turned the brass door knob.
"We're home!"

"Back here!" The voice came from the backyard, and we paced through the kitchen and living room to the back sliding door. Linked at the arms, we all stepped onto the back patio.
"Hey kids." The smile that got us through the hardest of times gleamed, his arms wrapped around all four of us shortly after.
"Hey Dad." We muttered.
"Where's Denise?" I asked, peering around the yard.
"Here!" She yelped, carrying a laughing, muddy Frankie by his ankles. She shook her head and sat in a plastic lawn chair. "Home for an hour, and he already finds the dirtiest place around."
We all faked a laugh and forced a smile, trying to avoid the question that came next, from Paul.
"So?" He folded his hands in his lap. "How was good 'ol Columbia Records?"
The instant silence made for an awkward one, and I knew the lump forming in my throat had made its way into the boys, too.
"I guess we wouldn't know." Kevin sat up straighter in his seat. "Because we aren't signed to them anymore."


The next sound made was a soft thud, the sound of Frankie being released from Denise's grasp, landing head first onto the wood floor. Paul's eyes were wide behind his glasses as he did his best to keep his composure.
He seemed to choke on his words, in disbelief.
"Wh..W..How..Why?"
If it wasn't so serious, it would have been funny.

"Because!" Joe exclaimed. "Lou is an enormous douche."
"Right." Paul said, nodding. "I'm going to want an explanation that's a little...more in depth, Joseph."
"Dad," Nick started. "He went on this huge rant about how we need to minimize fan interaction for our 'security', dissed us on our purity rings."
Paul shook his head. "That's unbelievable."
Kevin picked up. "Then, he said we could keep everything the same, but we'd have to change something."
Paul shifted in his seat. "And what was that?"
The boys shrunk back into silence.
"Well?" He asked, his voice raising. "What was it?"
"Paul." He turned to face me. "It was that I couldn't live with you guys anymore." I threw up air quotations. "It was 'bad for publicity.' "

He stood to his feet, pacing back and forth, rubbing his eyes.
"Dad.." Joe's voice sounded nervous. "Don't be mad..."

"HOW CAN I NOT BE MAD?!" He exploded, for the second time since I had lived with them. The first being when Joe had decided to throw a going away party...with 400 people.
"No one tries to tear my family apart."
His eyes softened when they met mine and he knelt in front of me.
"And you, Brenna..are just as much a part of that as any of us."
Relieved, we all let out a sigh, still gripping each other's arms.
He stood back up, smiling down at us.
"Go enjoy your break."

Even though we had no idea what we were going to do with all our time off, it was Sunday, and we knew what that meant.
__________________________________

An hour and 14 McDonald's double cheeseburgers later,  I was flipping open Kevin's laptop, and signing onto the boys myspace.
Every Sunday, for the last two years, no matter where in the world we were, or what in the world we were doing, there were always two contstants;
McDonald's and Fan Chat.
Most weeks, the boys were multitasking, so the web cam wasn't on. But every week, they were still 100% in the room, answering questions that I was reading outl oud while they were reading contracts, and calling venues.
This week was different though.
I typed a quick reminder bulletin, and watched the chat room quickly fill up with thousands of Mrs. Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas'.
At 20,000 viewers, we let the fun begin.

BrenAndJB: We thought a surprise would be fun, tonight.

None of us could keep up with the fast scrolling screen.
Nick turned on the webcam, making sure only I was visible to the screen, before turning on the radio.

BrenAndJB: Alright guys, type 'Soulja Boy' if you can see me typing, and hear the radio playing.

I had to laugh as the various spellings of Soulja Boy appeared across the screen, mixed with the OMG!!!'s of the girls who couldn't, and the random 'PRESS 705 IF YOU LOVE NICK!'s that were displayed in a variety of colors and sizes.

"Well then.." I started, talking to the computer. "I'm back in New Jersey right now, enjoying some...free time. And since I'm home with free time, you know who else is.."

And at that point, I rolled away from the screen and let the boys take over, their smiles wide.
For hours, the boys fought to read and answer every question the could, leading to Joe doing some ridiculous dancing, and me laughing so hard I eventually fell off my bed.

At 8:15, Kevin let out a yawn, and looked up at me.
"How long do we usually do chats for?"
I flipped through the newest issue of Popstar!
"An hour."
"How long has this one been going on?"
I looked at my watch.
"Pushing like...five and a half."

Three sets of eyes turned to me, wide as they could have possibly got.
Joe swiveled back to the screen.
"You guys!" He exclaimed to the thousands of fans. "I can't believe you've ALL stayed in here for five hours, talking to us."
"It's amazing." Kevin smiled, but his eyes showed a pain that I had learned to see. "We're gonna go. But we love you guys.."
Nick let out a half smile, he too looking suddenly upset.
"So much." he added softly. "We love you so much."

Joe tried to lighten it up a final time. "We'd give you all the world if we could, but there's only one world...and a ton of you! We love each of you so very much. Goodnight, and back to Brenna."

They all stood up, stretching and yawning before leaving the room, heading downstairs.
I hopped in front of the computer.
"I hope you guys liked talking to the boys. Today has been a crazy one, and I know you guys made it so much better."
I usually didn't go into any sort of detail with the fans, but today especially, I felt like they needed to hear it.
"You guys know that, I spend a ton of time with Kevin, Joe and Nick. All day every day. We talk about everything. But the one thing that they talk about the most, the thing that really makes them smile..is you guys. When they say they love you, they really do mean it."

I smiled.
"I can't wait to see you guys at the next show. Love you so much. Bye bye."

I shut off the camera, instantly romping down the stairs. The boys were sitting on the couch, the opening scenes of Finding Nemo rolling as they shoveled enormous bites of Corn Pops into their mouths.
I slid into the Luv Sac next to them. "What's wrong?"
They kept their eyes glued to the screen.
"Other than the fact that Nemo's mom just died?" Joe asked. "Nothing."
I sighed, pushing myself to my feet and standing directly in front of the TV.
"You know, that's really touching. But do you want to tell me the truth?"

They ignored me once again, until nearly two hours later, when Nick surrendered, shutting off the DVD.
"Bren, you know what's wrong."
I nodded. "I know. But you guys need to talk about it."

He looked at me, his dark brown eyes over flowing with pain.
"We're out of work, now. We're in the middle of a tour, in the middle of recording, and we were having so much fun with it. But now it's done. We've failed."

"Oh, Nu-uh." I squeezed inbetween Kevin and Joe, looking at each of them.
"Just because the disgusting old man that runs Columbia Records wants to change who you are does NOT make you failures. You guys walked away from him."
My small speech seemed to be helping slightly, because they'd all began to look at me, soaking in what I was saying.
"My best friends aren't quitters."

"It's not even that, though!" Joe exclaimed, tossing his phone from hand to hand. He slid it open in front of me, a picture he had taken from the stage, of hundreds of screaming, smiling girls being displayed.
"It's them."

I didn't respond, turning to look at him and listen.

"At the end of the day, we aren't doing this for us. We're not doing it for the money or the glamour. We're doing it because of the smile it brings to their faces. No pay check could ever amount to that feeling."
Kevin's eyes diverted back to his checkered socks. "We let them down, Bren."

I kept my voice soft, even though I was bursting at the seams with emotion.
"These are the fans that stand in anything from extreme heat to snow storms for hours upon hours upon hours to see you boys. The ones that get you to number one on Radio Disney for how many consecutive weeks? That spend months making you things, buying you things. Plan their outfits for months in advance and can't sleep the night before they meet you for not even a minute."
I grabbed their hands, placing them in my lap, putting mine on top.
"You guys will never be a disappointment to them."

Nick took his hand back, setting his empty cereal bowl on the table.
"Let's just go unpack."
_________________

Twenty minutes later, Joe and Kevin strolled into Nick and I's room, our endless supply of socks just being put away.
"Are you guys already unpacked?" They were the first words I had spoken since we were downstairs.
"No." Kevin shook his head. "I guess we don't want to believe that we have to yet."

"Have to what?" Paul was standing in the doorway, cell phone in hand.
"Unpack." Joe shuddered at the word.
"Well then stop."
"That would be really stupid, Dad." Nick groaned, unable to close his sock drawer. "We can't live out of our suitcases pretending we're on the road."
"Then don't pretend."

We all turned to him, Joe saying what we were all thinking.
"Alright, Captain Crazy, I know you're all about chasing your dreams, but, for one, we can't prop the house on wheels and roll around the country. And two.." His voice fell.
"We have no record label."

"Hmm." Paul said, leaning on the door frame. "Well, stop unpacking. We have somewhere to go."
Nick threw his hands in the air, socks flying. "We don't need to take a million suitcases. We can all share one for whatever cheer-me-up trip you're planning."

He continued to lean against the door frame. "I think you'll need more than that to visit Hollywood Records, since they just called, wanting to talk to you boys...in person."

The uncomfortable silence that had been filling the house was instantly overpowered by excitement as our smiles grew, and I shrieked.
"I figured you might find that amusing." He winked. "How's that for a cheer-me-up trip, Nicholas?"
He walked out the door, our faces growing numb from our gigantic smiles.
"Oh, and by the way." He popped his head back in the room.
"I suggest you hurry. We need to be at the airport in a half hour."
_________________________________________

My curtain was tore open, and flourescent light flooded my face.

I'm guessing I was more exhausted than I had thought, because the last thing I remember was walking on to the plane, near midnight.

"Wakey, Wakey." Joe's voice filled my ears. I stretched my hands over my head and slowly opened my eyes, blinking furiously to handle the sudden dose of light. When they finally adjusted, I felt more like I was still dreaming, against the reality that I had just woke up.

I was in a hotel room, a huge one at that. A plasma screen TV sat in front of me, every game system I could name attached to it. Embroidered towels with little pink soaps sat on the marble sink, a full sized refridgerator next to it. The bed I was in could have fit 20 of me, and the piles of down comforters and pillows had me convinced that I never, ever wanted to get up.

Next to the bed was my favorite part of the room though. Kevin, Joe and Nick gave me wide smiles, each bending down to give me a good morning hug.

I stretched once more, pushing myself to sit up.
"Hey, Bren."
I turned to Nick, who smiled, before pointing out the window.

The ocean waves smiled up at me, dozens of palm streets swaying the the breeze, seagulls flying by my window and into the cloudless sky.

"Welcome to California."