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New Post 2/20/2008 4:03 PM
User is offline Hannah
488 posts
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My Saviors  

Intro

Please don’t go daddy. That was all 5 year old Katie could choke out as she watched her daddy walk out the door towards the waiting taxi. She felt her eyes fill with tears as her mother led her into the house. “go pack your clothes your spending the night next door” her mom chocked out between sobs. All Katie could do was nod as she went upstairs to get her pj’s and the teddy bear her dad had gotten her for her 2nd birthday.

 

let me know wut ya think!


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New Post 2/20/2008 5:01 PM
User is offline Hannah
488 posts
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Re: My Saviors  

i have chapter one typed up and ready but i gotta know if yall like it!

come on feed back people!


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New Post 2/20/2008 5:57 PM
User is offline Hannah
488 posts
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Re: My Savior 
Chapter 1 part 1
 
20 minutes later Katie was knocking on
 the Jonas’s door with the warm summer
ain hiding her tears. The door opened and
 Katie flung herself into Mrs. Jonas’s waiting arms.
 “It’ll be ok, nicks upstairs if you want to talk to him”
 Mrs. Jonas said. Katie looked up at her forcing a smile
 and ran up the stairs into nicks room. “Katie, I’m so sorry”
 nick said going to hug her as she entered his room.
“Nick, he’s not coming back” Katie replied as she sobbed
 into his shoulder, clutching her teddy bear tightly.  Katie
and nick were in the same kindergarten class and had gone
 to the same church since they were born. They were inseparable
and he was the person she came to for everything and the only
 person she wanted to be with at a time like this. Come on he
 said leading her to his bed and tucking them in he laid there
 with him  holding her until she cried herself to sleep.

 

 

ps sorry im such a suckish writer this is my first ff and i promise itll get better

and i need yall to tell me if it sucks so i can fix it or stop writing or wutever but right now idk if its good or not cu yall aint telln me!


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New Post 2/20/2008 5:58 PM
User is offline Melissa
2111 posts
ojdisabeautifulthing.uber.com
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Re: My Savior 

Awwww, this is really adorable! Can't wait to read more! =)


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New Post 2/20/2008 6:00 PM
User is offline DelaneyhasONJD
1757 posts
hs.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1039140082
9th Level Poster




Re: My Savior 

aww this sounds cute so far. write more soon


 
New Post 2/20/2008 6:17 PM
User is offline Hannah
488 posts
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Re: My Savior 
Thank u! finally some feed back well I was bored and already typed like 3 chapters so here’s the next part. Enjoy!
 
 
Chapter 1 part 2
 
My eyes slowly opened to see nicks arms around me
and such a peaceful look on his face that I just can’t help
 but smile. I tried to wiggle out of nicks death grip, and
suddenly felt a sharp pain on my stomach and look down
horrified to see my pajama shirt covered in blood. My eye
slowly began to fill with tears as the horrors of the previous
 night began to flood back in, my mom hitting my stomach
with a glass plate, the name calling, and worst of all, my daddy
 leaving. The tears slowly began to fall as I heard nick begin
to stir I quickly wiped away the tears and put on a fake smile
 as nick woke. His smile quickly disappeared when he saw my
 face “are you ok?” he asked, “yea” I lied. Then nick looked down
 as his confused face slowly turned to worry when he saw my
bloody pajama top. “Nick I’m ok” I said, trying to comfort
him, “just starving to death!” I exclaimed as I ran down to
the kitchen. My smile vanished when I entered the kitchen to

see the whole Jonas clan already awake, and none of them were smiling


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New Post 2/20/2008 6:17 PM
User is offline Hannah
488 posts
No Ranking




Re: My Savior 
Thank u! finally some feed back well I was bored and already typed like 3 chapters so here’s the next part. Enjoy!
 
 
Chapter 1 part 2
 
My eyes slowly opened to see nicks arms around me
and such a peaceful look on his face that I just can’t help
 but smile. I tried to wiggle out of nicks death grip, and
suddenly felt a sharp pain on my stomach and look down
horrified to see my pajama shirt covered in blood. My eye
slowly began to fill with tears as the horrors of the previous
 night began to flood back in, my mom hitting my stomach
with a glass plate, the name calling, and worst of all, my daddy
 leaving. The tears slowly began to fall as I heard nick begin
to stir I quickly wiped away the tears and put on a fake smile
 as nick woke. His smile quickly disappeared when he saw my
 face “are you ok?” he asked, “yea” I lied. Then nick looked down
 as his confused face slowly turned to worry when he saw my
bloody pajama top. “Nick I’m ok” I said, trying to comfort
him, “just starving to death!” I exclaimed as I ran down to
the kitchen. My smile vanished when I entered the kitchen to

see the whole Jonas clan already awake, and none of them were smiling


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New Post 2/20/2008 6:20 PM
User is offline DelaneyhasONJD
1757 posts
hs.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1039140082
9th Level Poster




Re: My Savior 

aww. read my newest fic " You're Really  Gonna Someone , Ask Anyone " when u get the chance :)


 
New Post 2/22/2008 10:34 AM
User is offline Hannah
488 posts
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Re: My Savior 

i read ur story delaney its good pms


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New Post 2/22/2008 12:17 PM
User is offline Melissa
2111 posts
ojdisabeautifulthing.uber.com
8th Level Poster




Re: My Savior 

Oooh, it's getting intense! What's gonna happen??


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