This little joke-fic was spawned out of a fight over Kevin on the 'Breathe' thread that pretty much made my entire week a lot more amazing. Some parts of this I don't like too much, but c'est la vie. :D This is dedicated to Bre and Ashley because they made me laugh for hours last night, and are just plain amazing. <3
Showin’ the Kevin Love
“OMG, I like can’t believe we’re like gonna meet the Jonas Brothers!” one girl squealed, clutching her glittery poster and hopping up and down.
Her friend tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Like, whatever. I just wanna see Joe and Nick. That Kevin’s like too…old.”
Unbeknownst to them, the three guys were walking by incognito. Kevin rolled his eyes under the hat he was wearing. “I know I shouldn’t be offended by that, but still…”
Joe clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Man, don’t worry. You could do better than them.”
Kevin raised his eyebrows at him. “I would hope so…”
Nick stopped at the door to the dressing room. “So, we’re meeting three fans who won a contest?”
Joe nodded. “Yup.”
They opened the door to a rather…interesting sight.
“Is this a showdown?” Joe whispered to the other guys after a long moment of confused silence. Kevin and Nick just continued gaping at the events occurring inside their dressing room.
The three girls they were supposed to be meeting were in various stances around the room, all staring each other down. The girl with long brown hair held one of the lamps like a sword, a challenging look on her face. Another girl stood to the side, her glasses down on her nose as she glared over them at the other two. She was holding two rather deflated pillows, one in each hand, feathers still fluttering to the ground. The third girl had light brown hair and was standing on the couch, folding chair in hand.
They stood like that for several seconds. Joe blinked as a tumbleweed rolled by. This place hasn’t been cleaned in a while, clearly…
Then they attacked.
Nick turned away, shielding his eyes. “THE CARNAGE!”
Ashley crouched down low, dropping the now-useless pillows and narrowing her eyes. “Don’t make me pull out my l33t ninja skillz.” She glared.
Melissa put her hands on her hips. “Then I’ll have to use my…uh, Jedi mind tricks!”
Bre rolled her eyes. “I’ll just kick your butts! He was mine first!”
The three girls paused, and shook their heads. Then started chasing each other around the room, much to the amusement of the three guys watching from the doorway, still unnoticed. Melissa disappeared in the bathroom in search of a new weapon, and soon emerged with the shower head, which she proceeded to turn on the other two.
Joe started smirking in the doorway. “Alright,”
Nick smacked him across the head. And the three of them ducked to avoid being soaked as well.
Cue fangirl ‘awwww’ of disappointment.
That little water fight ended when she actually yanked it out of the wall. They heard the rushing water in the bathroom, shared a ‘busted’ look, and ran from the room, still taking shots at each other. Joe, Nick, and Kevin all flattened themselves against the wall to avoid being trampled as the girls were still too caught up in their battle to notice them.
The three of them set off running through the venue, and the three brothers followed, in a daze.
The winner takes all
It's the thrill of one more kill
Nick blinked. “Does anyone else hear that?” he questioned, curls bouncing as they ran. Several girls they ran past squealed and dropped to the ground, clutching their chests. Joe flashed a cleaning lady a smile and she tripped over her bucket.
The last one to fall
Will never sacrifice their will
Joe looked around wildly. “Where is that music coming from?!” He turned to the left and stared down the guy with the boom box that was running with them.
“What?” he complained. “AMBIENCE, man!”
Rolling their eyes, the guys sped up as the three girls disappeared into the backstage door. They passed a group of giggling fans and Joe tripped the music man into them.
Ignoring the screeches, they pulled open the backstage door and ran in, past several bewildered security guards.
“Where are they?” Kevin asked, looking around and seeing no one.
“There!” Nick shouted, pointing up.
Joe raised his eyebrows. “Are they really dueling on the rafters? Do people actually do that?”
Kevin raised his eyebrows. “This is pretty intense. I wonder what they’re fighting about.”
If he only knew…
The next thing the guys knew, the three girls were sliding down ropes to reach the stage. They landed and the ropes burst into flames. Unfazed, they started fencing each other with mic stands as the ropes burned merrily behind them.
At some point, Nick was pretty sure he heard them heckling each other in explicably British accents, but he couldn’t be sure. His head was kinda swimming with the crazed scene in front of him. He shook his head, confused, and a few stray curls bounced lightly off his cheeks. And across the globe, a few thousand fangirls died of heart attacks.
Joe decided he wanted to know what the heck was going on. Cause he was bright like that. “Hey! What are you guys doing?”
They spared him a very quick glance. “Fighting.” Ashley replied simply.
“Are you guys like mortal enemies, or something?” Joe called back, eyeing the vicious swings they took at each other.
Bre leaned over, holding back Melissa with her mic stand. “No, we’re actually quite good friends,” she responded conversationally. Melissa nodded, whacking at her with the famous stool.
“Just a little argument.” Melissa agreed.
“Okayy,” Kevin blinked. “That’s…quite an argument…”
The three girls broke apart, breathing heavily. Their ‘weapons’ clattered to the floor and rolled around the stage as an ominous melody filled the arena.
“DUDE!” Joe shouted, looking to the back of the audience. The guy with the boom box jumped up and ran out sheepishly.
When Joe turned back to the others, his eyes widened at the slap fight taking place, complete with screaming and shouts.
“He’s mine! I had him first!”
Joe heard that and blinked. They’re fighting over a guy? He smiled confidently and Kevin rolled his eyes, sauntering into the fray of the battle. “Ladies, who are we arguing over?” he said smoothly, quirking an eyebrow playfully.
The three of them looked up from the hair-pulling and stared at him.
“KEVIN!” they shouted at once, then the fighting started all over again. The look on Joe’s face was priceless, and Kevin had to laugh.
At the sound, all three girls froze and turned to him, wide-eyed.
It was probably a good thing Kevin couldn’t read minds, because he would be in for quite some embarrassment. In summary…
Melissa: If he laughs again, I’m going to have a seizure of joy.
Bre: Ohhh, I love it when he wears tight pants…
Ashley: Eeek, his eyeshairsmiletalentguitarplayingskillsthefactthathesanolderchildtoothefactthathe
Dancesawkwardlylikeidothewayhegetsdownwithhisbadselfwhenhedancesandgetsintoplayinghiscaringforothersandeverythingelsehissideburnshissmile.
Kevin blinked at the dreamy looks on their faces. “You guys are fighting over…me? Really?”
The next thing he knew, he had three enamored girls surrounding him.
“Kevin, your modesty is absolutely adorable!”
“Of course we’re fighting over you!”
“Can I touch your arms?”
Talking happily, Kevin and the three girls walked offstage, leaving a blinking Joe and Nick still standing on stage amid the wreckage. Three crew members walked on stage and froze, staring around them in shock at the mess.
“What happened here?!” one of them gaped.
“No one loves me,” Joe said with an emo tear. And then he was tackled by a mass of screaming fangirls that wanted to prove him wrong. Nick laughed cutely and their heads snapped up, eyes zeroing in on him like a homing device.
He paled. “Uh oh…”
“Ugh,” the girl from earlier complained, inspecting her nails. “I can’t believe that freak with the radio fell into us. Like gross.”
Her friend applied a twentieth coat of lip gloss. “Like seriously!”
They both looked up in time to see Kevin Jonas walk by, three girls on his arm, chatting and laughing playfully. The two of them blinked in confusion.
“Like, what?” the first girl gaped.
“I guess Kevin’s a hottie after all!” the second squealed, her fickle brain putting two-and-two together. “Kevin!” she called after him, with her best impression of being flirty.
He glanced back and she waved seductively.
The three girls looked back at her with sour looks on their faces. “PONED!” they shouted at her in unison.
The two fanbrats stood there in confusion until the Nick and Joe fanmobs ran by screaming. Grabbing their signs, they joined in, leaving the other four to their conversation.
“So, Kevin, where were we?” Bre asked, looking up at him.
Kevin smiled down at the three of them, his hazel eyes warm. And then he laughed as they clutched at him for support when their knees gave out in bliss. And he didn’t mind when they held on a little bit longer…to “get their balance back”. And then the four of them moved to Utah and all got married.
And that’s why polygamy is a beautiful thing.
-THE END-
http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff295/crazyroninchic/husband.jpg
Because this picture made me go O_______O <3<3<3