Chapter One
The humid air clung to Kat’s lungs, making it harder for her to breathe. Her face was as stony as the graves surrounding her, as she stood emotionless amongst family and friends. It was as if she hardly blinked, just stared at the mahogany casket carrying her husband, the father of her child. The Reverend’s words washed over her, having little effect on Kat. She was in a trance, her mind in a fog. All that she could process was that she, indeed, sent Joe to his death. The scene played repeatedly in her mind: the argument, the kick-out, the sleepless night, the terrifying phone call. Kat wasn’t at the accident, but it was as if she was. She could continuously hear the sound of brakes squealing, of metal crashing together. Kat’s eyes faltered with emotion as the memories flooded back, but she regained her composure. She was the complete opposite of the picturesque widow. Not one tear escaped her eyes, nor a sob from her lips. She stood there, posture straight, her face impassive. Kat’s family was extremely concerned at Kat’s lack of emotion. Kat had loved Joe. They had been married five strong years and had raised a beautiful baby girl named Aliya. She had her daddy’s deep, thoughtful eyes, and her mom’s playful smile. Yet, despite her immense love for her husband, Kat was unemotional. She barely wavered at her brother-in-law’s heart-wrenching eulogy of Joe’s love for life, or his love for his family. Kat didn’t stagger as she made her way up the aisle, following her deceased husband’s casket, grasping the delicate hand of her daughter. She showed no emotion at all.
The funeral was ending; The Reverend had delivered his prayers, the murmurs of response from family and friends barely audible. Joe’s mother and father made their way to the casket, both their eyes swollen red. Mrs. Jonas held a tear-stained handkerchief in her hand, dabbing away the cascading flood of tears falling from her eyes. She held on to Mr. Jonas, as if needing him to stay stable. She kissed her hand, then placed it softly on the casket, closing her eyes for a brief moment. She opened them, her gaze immediately falling on Kat as the two of them embraced. Kat sighed into her mother-in-law, her breath catching in her throat when sobs overtook Denise. They silently pulled apart as Denise and Paul walked on. Nicholas and Frankie were next, both sullen, but there was no doubt about their despair. Frankie’s hair was disheveled, his eyes bloodshot. Nick looked twice as worse, with deep, dark circles surrounding his eyes, his face ashen. The two of them placed a hand on the casket, Nick’s lips silently moving to a prayer he was reciting. A single tear slid down his cheek, but Nick made no attempt to move it. Kat swallowed the lump in her throat, but continued to stay strong. The two boys took her in a warm, protective embrace, uttering their condolences and their promises to be there when she needed them. She knew they were good for it-they had been before, and they would be. Kat watched as more family and friends made their way to the casket, saying their final goodbyes. Joe’s older brother, Kevin, and his fiancée stayed behind, waiting in silence. Kat felt a soft tug at her hand. She looked down to see her daughter staring up at her, her chocolate brown eyes full of wonder.
“Mommy? Who is in there?” Aliya asked innocently. Kat crouched down to her daughter’s level, her heart breaking at the thought of having to tell her daughter that her father had died. And that it was her mother’s fault.
“Well, darling,” Kat began, her voice shaking, “daddy’s in there. He’s…” she closed her eyes, her heart tearing at the look on her daughter’s face, “he’s going to take a long nap. But he’s with God now. Remember how we had that talk about God?” Aliya nodded quietly.
“Daddy’s going to be in heaven with God…and Grandma and Grampy,” Kat finished, rubbing the top of her daughter’s hand lightly.
Aliya’s brow furrowed at the thought, but immediately a tiny smile appeared on her angelic face. She let go of Kat’s hand, turning towards the coffin. She ran to it, her hands out in front of her. She placed both of her hands on the casket and leaned onto it.
“Goodnight, Daddy. I love you,” she whispered softly, but loud enough for Kat to hear. With that, Aliya bent down and kissed the coffin, rubbing her hand over the place her lips at touched. Aliya turned around back to her mom, the smile still on her face, but it fell when she saw that her mom had finally cracked; finally given into the emotion that had been building up inside of her since the night Joe had died.
