Butterfly Kisses
Song credit: "Butterfly Kisses", Bob Carlisle
There’s two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven
And she’s daddy’s little girl
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
She looked so beautiful, curled up in her bed, beaming up at me, raven hair pulled back in the French braid she likes her mommy to put in before bed. “Time to pray, Daddy?” I nodded, smiling, my heart bursting with love for this little four-year-old girl. Who knew that, in just four short years, my attentions could completely refocus from career, music, stardom and fame, onto pull-ups, preschool, teddy bears and teething? She slid to her knees beside me on the floor, tugging down her soft white nightgown. Folding her hands, she said in her sweet, soft voice, “Dear Jesus, thank you for Daddy, for Mommy, for Uncle Joe and Uncle Kevin, for my teacher, for my school, for my friends…” As she went on, I closed my eyes and slid my arm around her shoulders. She stopped. “Daddy.”
“Yes, baby?”
“Fold your hands,” she whispered, peeking around her clasped hands. “We’re praying.”
I smiled. “Sorry, baby.” I folded my hands. “Go on.”
We closed our eyes and she continued. She was on to thanking God for the grass and the sunlight, and I thought silently, Thank you, God. Thank you for all you’ve given me, all the ways you’ve blessed me. But most of all, Father, thank you for my baby. Thank you for Faith.
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it’s my first ride
I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried”
Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong
I must have done something right.
To deserve a hug every morning
And butterfly kisses at night.
As she finally wrapped up her sweet, long-winded prayer, I picked her up and laid her down in bed. “Butterfly kisses,” she prompted, and I smiled, bringing my face to hers. I fluttered my eyelids against her skin, letting my eyelashes tickle her rosy cheek, and she giggled. “My turn!” I stayed still as she did the same to me. “I love you, Daddy.”
“Love you, too, Faithie.” I kissed her quickly and left the room, leaving the door cracked so some light could come in.
“Hon,” my wife called from the other room, “did she go okay?”
I sat down on the couch close to her and played with her brown hair. “Erica, I’m so blessed to have her.” I kissed her softly and let it linger. Even after five years of marriage, her kisses melted me. “Just like I’m blessed to have you.” She smiled and ran her hands down my arms. “I love you.” She echoed me and my heart warmed at her words. I had never been happier. Forget the years of stage performance, writing songs, recording… this was what life was all about.
Sweet sixteen today
Looking like her mama
A little more every day
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and makeup from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world
But I remember
“Baby, be back no later than midnight.”
She rolled those big brown eyes at me and smiled. “Always, Daddy.” As she walked out the door, I shot her date a warning look. The boy just glanced away, his eyes guarded. I didn’t like him, but she was so enchanted, wrapped around his little finger. She had begged me to just give him a chance. Her first date. She had no idea how terrified I was. So I let her go, trying to smile.
Four hours later, at half past midnight, I was still trying to smile. Erica came out of the kitchen. “She hasn’t called?”
I shook my head. “Not a single call. She’s never been late before.”
“I know.” Erica was trying to look calm, but I could see the worry in her eyes. “What are we going to do?”
“I’ll tell you one thing--she’s never going out with that boy again. Past that…” I debated. She was so grown-up… and yet such a child. A child, my child, out somewhere in Hollywood with a boy I hardly knew, in the middle of the night. “I’m going to go find her.”
“Nick, are you sure that--”
I fixed Erica with a steady gaze. “My daughter is half an hour past curfew. I need to go find her.”
Erica nodded. “I was just going to ask if you wanted me to go look and you could stay here and wait for her.”
“No.” I grabbed my keys, kissed my wife, and jumped in the car.
Fifteen minutes later, my cell phone rang. “Daddy?” My baby’s voice was broken and catching in her throat. “Can you come get me?”
“Faithie? Where are you?” My heart was pounding.
“I’m--I’m at a party.” She gave me the address. “Please hurry.”
It was an address a twenty minute drive from where I was. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I got there in eight. The party was wilder than anything I had ever seen as a teenager. Faith never should have been anywhere near this. No respectable boy would dare bring a date to a place like this. I pushed through the crowd, shoving drunk teens out of my way and calling out, “Faithie! Faith Nicole!”
As I fought my way out onto the back porch, I heard a familiar voice cry, “Daddy!”
I spun, looking for her, and saw her on the grass below the porch, streaks of mascara running down her cheeks, staring up at me. “Faith!” I vaulted over the railing to the grass and caught her up in my arms. “Baby girl. Are you okay?”
She shook and cried against me. “I’m so sorry, Daddy, I’m so sorry…”
I held her close and shook my head. “Let’s just get you home.” She wasn’t drunk. That much I could tell. What I wanted to know was where the boy was, the boy who would dare to make my daughter cry.
“Faithie, baby,” a voice slurred, and I turned to look even as my stomach twisted at my nickname for her coming off a drunk, sleazy tongue. Her date stood there, bottle in hand, so drunk he could barely stay on his feet.
Bile rose in my throat and I rushed forward, grabbing this filthy boy’s shirt and pulling him roughly close to my face. I wanted to hit him, but I knew better than that. “You come near my daughter again,” I hissed, watching his eyes bug, “and I swear I will hurt you.” I shoved him away and, too drunk to keep his balance, he tumbled to the grass. I put my arm around Faith and pulled her away, to my car that I realized I was lucky still sat waiting for me. Drunk teens and a running, unoccupied car were not a good combination.
On the ride home, Faith was silent for most of the way. Just before we turned onto our street, she asked softly, “Are you mad, Daddy?”
I took a moment to inventory my emotions. “No. Maybe I will be later. Right now--Faithie, I’m just glad you’re okay.”
As we pulled into our driveway and Erica rushed out to meet us, Faith leaned over and fluttered her eyelashes against my cheeks, leaving dampness from her tears. “I love you, Daddy.”
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“You know how much I love you, Daddy, but if you don’t mind
I’m only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time”
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night
(All the precious time)
Oh, like the wind the years go by
(Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly)
She’ll change her name today
She’ll make a promise, and I’ll give her away
Standing in the bride room just staring at her
She asks me what I’m thinking and I said I’m not sure,
I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl
And she leaned over
And gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“Walk me down the aisle, it’s just about time
Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy, Daddy, don’t cry,”
Oh with all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses
Five years went by, and suddenly she was no longer the child I had cradled in my arms or the frightened girl I had rescued from an irresponsible boy. Now she was twenty-one, with her mother’s thick, black hair and my brown eyes, and she was standing in front of me in a beautiful white gown, while Erica put ribbons and little white flowers in her hair. Her bad experience with her first date had led her to be cautious and wise in her romances, and today she would marry a man who reminded me of myself when I was younger. He was a musician, strong and protective of Faith. I had given my full blessing to the marriage, but now, looking at her and remembering the last twenty one years, the last thing I wanted to do was walk her down that aisle.
She took my arm. “It’s time.” As I led her out of the room, her smile beamed and my heart broke. She looked over at and her happiness faltered. “Daddy, don’t cry!”
I smiled at her. “You know you’ll always be my baby girl, right?”
“Always and forever, Daddy.” Then, right before we passed through the big double doors and walked down the aisle, she leaned over, and her eyelashes brushed my cheek. Suddenly, she was four years old again, and I was watching her thank God for the kitties and doggies and birds. I put my hand on hers and smiled shakily, then took another step, surrendering her to the rest of her life.
Couldn’t ask God for more, man, this is what love it
I know I’ve got to let her go, but I’ll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses…
