Happy 100 posts Camrie!
As some of you who read this may know, this was supposed to be my 1900th post celebratory one-shot. But due to circumstances involving a strike, compromises, and bacon (okay, no bacon, but I'm hungry) this is being released now.
Camrie, I hope this lives up to your expectations.
I'm not too sure about it, but it's not up to me. I just hope you guys likey.
Personality Crisis
Joe looked in the mirror with a slight frown at his appearance. For a moment he wasn’t sure if the face he was staring at actually belonged to the person he felt he was. Things had changed so quickly for himself and his brothers he was unsure of anything anymore. Shaking his hair out of his eyes, he left the bathroom with a sigh.
In all honesty he had nothing to be so depressed about. Life was going great for him and his family, and he couldn’t ask for a better life or a better girlfriend, Camrie. But as the case usually is when things are going perfectly, one begins to doubt things. In this case, Joe began to doubt if the person he portrayed to everyone was the person he truly was.
“What’s wrong?” Camrie asked him as he sat down next to her and took her hand. One of the many things he loved about her was the uncanny ability she had to know when he felt depressed. Though the occasions were rare, she knew the right words to say to soothe his worries and how to kiss him to make him forget his sorrows.
But how could he tell her that he was beginning to feel as if the person she was in love with wasn’t a real person at all?
Nestling his face into her fragrant brown hair, he mumbled that nothing was wrong as he kissed her temple. She wasn’t satisfied with his response, but he stopped any protest she may have had with a quick kiss to her mouth.
“Get a room you two,” Nick said, walking into the main area of the bus. He was holding on to his cell phone as if life itself depended on it, and Joe knew without asking that he was talking to. Like Joe, Nick was lucky enough to have found someone to be with. Though Ashley was a few years older than Nick, they meshed well together. Her randomness and crazy antics loosened the usually serious Nick up, and his levelheadedness kept her out of trouble.
“Like you wouldn’t be doing the same thing if Ashley were here,” Joe rebutted, causing Nick to blush and Joe and Camrie to share a chuckle at his expense. Nick was about to open his mouth to snap at his brother when his phone rang, signaling a message from Ashley, and he forgot all about his older brother to smile at something she’d said.
“Joe, seriously, what’s going on in there?” Camrie said, pointing at his head and smiling. Her brown eyes met his and he had to remember how to breathe for a second. Though he’d been with her for a few months, every time her eyes stared into his, his heart melted.
“I know you’re not going to believe me when I tell you nothing’s wrong, but nothing’s wrong,” He tried to assure her, and himself. Camrie just shook her head, but decided not to press the issue.
“Okay boys, it’s time to go to the interview,” Joe’s dad said, coming in from the tour bus. Joe got ready to put on his smile and become the charming, funny man he was known to be.
He just didn’t know if that was really even him.
--
“We need to talk,” Camrie said firmly as Joe walked into the back room of the bus where she’d asked to talk to him. Her lips were pursed into a thin line, and she had a hand on her hips. Joe had never seen her look angry, but he supposed if she ever was, she’d look this way.
“What’s wrong?” He asked curiously. He wasn’t aware of any mistakes he’d made lately, but he was sure he had to have made her this angry.
“Look Joe, I’m dealing with you being a rock star fairly well, and though it’s hard to watch a thousand girls try to molest you on a nightly basis, I deal. What I can’t deal with is you hiding something from me.”
Joe was confused, and as he looked at Camrie, he wondered what she could be talking about. Then he realized that she had no idea of how he felt about things. With a deep breath, he decided to come clean.
“Cam, sit down please,” he asked, and she obliged, but she didn’t sit as close to him as she would have normally.
“This is going to sound stupid and pathetic, and you probably won’t even understand, but lately I just don’t know who I am anymore.” When she looked at him encouragingly, and significantly less angry, he found the strength to continue.
“It’s like when we first started becoming popular, I was pegged as the funny one. The one who always had something to say. And it’s so hard to keep that up sometimes. But at the same time, it’s so easy. I just feel torn between two halves of me. And I can’t help but wonder which one is the real me.
“And I can’t help but feel that maybe everyone I love and care about doesn’t know anything about who I really am. I worry that you aren’t in love with me, but the person I pretend to be. And I’m so scared that I’ve lost myself to who I’m supposed to be.” When he finished, he was surprised to find tears in his eyes. He forced himself to meet Camrie’s eyes, and she was looking at him with a smile.
“Joey,” she said, calling him the nickname he only allowed to come from her lips. “We all feel that way sometimes. But I can see how it’s harder on you. You can’t be perfect all the time. You won’t always be funny, and you will always have insecurities. But your family loves you, and I love you. No matter if you feel the two separate personalities inside you are conflicting, they both combine to form the amazing man who’s sitting next to me. Joey, I know you feel like you shouldn’t feel this way, but when the pressure’s on, sometimes that’s all you can feel. But no matter what, I’m here.”
Not for the first time, Joseph was surprised at how caring and intuitive his girlfriend was. He felt like the biggest idiot for not realizing what she said before the words came from her lips, but maybe he just needed someone to hear him and understand.
“Thank you,” he whispered, scooting over to sit next to her. He took her hands in his and she smiled when she realized he was alright. “Thank you so much.”
“Joey, just don’t let yourself down. Everyone has those feelings, but I’m here. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he whispered, before lowering his mouth to hers, and kissing her with his entire heart.
He knew next time he had a personality crisis who to come to. She would make everything better.
