So, this is like a rant from a certain Jonas brother. You'll figure out who it is soon enough. =)
This doesn't go to say that they really think like this, and I personally don't think they are changing for the worse. However, I know some do, and I just wanted to write about it. I hope you enjoy this! Comment and tell me what you think.
Change is hard, especially when you have to watch yourself go from a good person to a bad one. I used to have all my goals in mind, I used to have so much energy, and I used to be the joke maker and the tension breaker. Now I can barely get through a show even if I’m loaded up on Starbucks and Red Bull, and I don’t have the energy to lighten a mood. I never okay catch with my youngest brother, and even my oldest seems to have a more youthful mannerism about him. I’m almost getting as quiet as Nick is in public.
I don’t like seeing myself like this, and what makes it harder is reading endless blogs about the transformation, skimming over numerous forum replies to subjects about how I’m “growing up too fast”, and reading headlines with supporting pictures of the ”Joe hawk” versus, well…. Me.
My fans just can’t understand, but who can blame them? I can’t even understand. But they all think I’m turning into a diva. They don’t like my new, shaggy, time consuming hair. They think I don’t make jokes because I think I’m above anybody. Fans assume we don’t have meet and greets anymore because we don’t want to spend time with them. In reality, it’s the total opposite. I could only wish to get to know some of our hardcore fans. But we have a flight to catch for our next concert, or we have to board the bus in order to drive to an interview in the next city. We’re doing all this to reach out to more fans, but it’s not enough.
Of course this is going to change me, but why did the change have to be negative? Why is it that I have no energy for anything lately, yet I can’t seem to fall asleep at night? Why do I come off as a jerk? Why am I constantly badgered about my beliefs and my views? I’m worn out, and I’m worn down. This lifestyle is slowly eroding me.
I look back at photo albums and V-logs from three years ago. I was so colorful, so cheerful, so bright. I was so optimistic back then. How could I go from that to his? And how can I explain to my fans when I can’t even start to explain it to myself? Well, I can’t. And that’s the problem.
Being on tour and living my dream should make me ecstatic, and sure, it did when it wasn’t overpowering. My life is kind of like a fragrance- it’s nice at first and in small doses, but when that’s all you smell, and you cant seem to escape it, it’s sickening. No longer refreshing or delightful. Sickening.
So you know what, maybe I have change. It’s possible that I’m tired 24/7. It’s possible that I’m cranky and losing my funny streak. I just can’t help but wonder- am I the only one who is changing? I might be the only one in a rut, or I might be too self-consumed to notice it in my brothers.
And now it’s time for me to go. Mom’s calling us- we have a radio station to be at. Great… More interviewers prying into my social life, wondering if I’m “doing” anything with the girls I’m spotted with. I’m so sick of this… I know I’ve asked myself a lot of questions, but I have just one more. Why is it that I couldn’t wait for my career to begin, and now I’m looking forward to the end of it?
