Hey everyone!! Here it is, the Joe one-shot.  Congradulations to the gal i picked (you'll find out who in the story- i'm not giving it away here). Enjoy and please comment! <3 emily

 

It is amazing what darkness does.  It brings out all the innermost feelings that you have buried deep inside; all the pain you have tried to hide; all the words your brain has spoken to you, but you have ignored; all the things you have meant to say to the person you love, but never did. Darkness- not being able to see the room you sit in- brings your mind to a state it rarely goes to on its own.  The feeling of nothing around you allows everything you have hidden to come out.  Sometimes this is beneficial; other times, it only makes your heartache more. It was while I was sitting in the darkness caused by the thunderstorm that I realized everything I never said to my love, Brandi, and everything I needed to say to her. 

            I love you: three words that are all too often spoken without meaning. Brandi and I had been dating for four months when she spoke those words to me. I didn’t say it back to her- I couldn’t. I knew deep inside that I loved her, that she held my heart, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak those words. She claimed she didn’t care, but I could see pain flash in her hazel eyes when I never returned the words. I was scared that she would run away because I never said those words, smashing my heart into a million pieces. She stuck by me, though, never pressuring me to do, or say, anything I didn’t want to. She was my rock; my stability when the world felt like it was falling to pieces around me. Five months into our relationship, and I still hadn’t said “I love you.” I felt it; I knew it was true, but I was scared to admit my love. You love Brandi. You really love her! Just tell her! Not only was my mind pushing me to say the words, but also my brothers. Nick and Kevin could see through me and knew that I had to tell Brandi the truth- that I loved her.

Brandi and I were perfect together. Everyone knew it, especially me. She was funny and outgoing, she could make me laugh even during the most serious of situations, and most importantly, she supported my family’s music career. We were out on our six-month-anniversary date: reservations for two under the stars at a candle lit table set perfectly on our favorite beach. I knew I loved her; every time I laid my eyes on her, I got butterflies, yet at the same time, I felt comfortable. We began our perfect meal together and were waiting for desert when dark clouds appeared overhead and blocked out the light from the stars. The clouds brought a cold breeze, causing goose bumps to form on Brandi’s arms. In an attempt to make her more comfortable, I moved over to her side of the table and placed my jacket around her shoulders. She looked up and gave me a smile as I returned to my seat. The wind picked up a bit more, and soon there were large raindrops pelting us. We both ran from the table and back to the country club where I had parked. I helped Brandi into the passenger’s seat and quickly made my way back to the club to pay for our meals. By the time I had made it back to my car, I was soaking wet. I turned the heat all the way up as I started to drive us back to LA. The car ride was silent until we had almost made it home, when Brandi spoke up. “Joe, I’m really exhausted. Would you mind bringing me home?”

I her in the eyes, and instead of seeing exhaustion, I saw pain. I knew her heart was aching because of me. I had taken her to an amazing dinner to show her I loved her, but never actually said the words that I knew meant so much to her. I nodded in agreement and turned down her street. After I parked in her driveway, I walked to her side of the car and helped her out, trying to shield her from the rain. I walked her to the front door of her condominium, knowing I would have my chance to say the three words then. “Goodnight, Joe. I love you,” she said at nearly a whisper. 

“Goodnight, Brandi. I- thank you for tonight and- and- I’m sorry it had to end the way it did. Feel better, baby.” I turned and walked back to my car as she entered her house. The rain was coming down faster than it had all night, but I didn’t rush back to my car. Mentally, I was kicking myself for not saying the words to Brandi. I knew that I loved her and that she needed to hear those words, but I just couldn’t get them out. I drove home listening to only the sound of the rain pelting my car and my wipers making a sorry attempt at keeping my windshield clear. 

When I got back to my house, I quickly took a warm shower and changed into dry clothing. I sat down in front of my desk and logged onto my computer to check our MySpace. Just as the website had finished loading, I heard a crack and my room went completely black. Letting out a sigh of frustration, I carefully made my way over to the window seat. I pulled the comforter off my bed and wrapped myself in it as I sat in the darkness listening to the sound of the rain. I leaned back onto the wall and closed my eyes. Visions of Brandi and I swarmed my head. I saw the images from when we first met at the mall when she tripped and fell into me. I remembered her shining hazel eyes looking at me apologetically and I remembered feeling that she would be my love, my forever. I remembered our first kiss; the way she ran her hands through my hair and held onto my arms. I remembered the day I knew I was in love with her. I remembered the first time she said, “I love you, Joseph.” I remembered the first time I had to leave her to tour with my brothers and the sadness that welled up in her eyes. I remembered nearly every thing we did together. I remembered the way she looked at me when she saw the lone table I had set up on the beach for us just a few hours ago. The one thing that stood out in my mind, however, was the pain I saw in her eyes when I dropped her off without returning “I love you” to her. 

I love you, Brandi. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you. I love you. I sat in the dark listening to the rain pelt my windows for a few hours before I knew what I was going to do. Finally I felt tired enough and moved from the window seat to my bead, quickly falling asleep. 

The next day, Brandi and I had planned to go food shopping and cook a meal for my family together. I confirmed the plans with her in the morning and at 10 AM went to pick her up. She got into the car and I placed a quick kiss on her lips. “Ready for the best supermarket trip you’ll ever take?” I asked her, ending with a wink. She just looked at me suspiciously before turning on the radio. I never let go of Brandi’s hand as we wandered the store’s aisles and collected the items on our list. I led her to the can goods section, trying to hold back my smile. This was it; I was going to tell Brandi “I love you.” I looked around, finally spotting the item I wanted. “Here Brandi, I think we need a can of this.” I handed her the can I had picked from the shelves and after looking at the label, she gave me a confused look.

“Artichoke hearts? Joe, why on Earth would we need artichoke hearts?” she asked, oblivious to my intentions.

I smiled, finally feeling like the time was perfect, “Because you have my heart, Brandi.” I reached for her hand and she looked up at me, her hazel eyes shining with anticipation. “I have been wanting to tell you something for a while now, but for some reason, I didn’t. I couldn’t. Something was holding me back, and I’m not sure what it was, but now I know for sure that what I feel is true,” I took a breath to slow myself down. “Brandi, I love you. I love you, I have for a while now, and I always will. I’m sorry for not saying it sooner- and thank you for staying with me- but, I love you!” I leaned in and placed a passionate kiss on her lips, both of us finally feeling whole again. 

“I love you too, Joe,” she whispered into my ear. “I love you too!”