Here is the next chapter. it is no longer part of the flashback (hence normal font). if i get enough comments i'll update again tonight. enjoy! <3 emily
05.
“Erin, the police are here. You need to tell them what happened,” Paul called from the kitchen area. I slowly untangled myself from Kevin’s embrace and made my way to the front of the bus.
“Hi. I am Sergeant Goldstein from the Baltimore Police Department. Can you tell me what happened today, Miss?” the man spoke in an authoritative and demanding tone. I briefly explained the events that occurred three months ago, to the day. Then, I started to explain the reason I had a panic attack. “Kevin and I were walking along Main Street looking at the shops when I caught sight of a strange looking man. As he walked by me, his scent stood out in my mind. I remembered it from somewhere, but I wasn’t exactly sure how I knew it. As I saw his reflection in a store window, my mind seemed to scream at me to get away from him. So, I grabbed Kevin and we ran back to the bus. Where I proceeded to have a panic attack,” I paused for a moment and considered what had happened. “That man I saw was most definitely the man who raped me. His smell stood out, like it was burned into my brain. After I saw him, all the memories of three months ago came rushing back. I couldn’t control them and it scared me. My head was spinning and everything was blurry- just like it was when I was coming out of the drug-induced state he had put me in.” The officer took notes and after Kevin and I gave our descriptions of his appearance, he left to work on the case.
I looked over at Kevin, who had been pacing up and down the bus’ hallway while I talked to the officer. His fists were clenched and his eyebrows were crunched together, as if he was in deep thought. “Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked, trying to figure out what was plaguing his mind.
He grunted, clenching his fists even tighter so that his knuckles turned white. “I’m supposed to protect you, Erin. You’re my girlfriend- the reason I wake up each morning with a smile on my face- and I let you down. Again.”
“What do you mean, ‘You let me down?’” My mind started screaming at me again. He hates you. He hates that he has to deal with a pregnant girlfriend- especially because the baby isn’t his. He’s going to break up with you. He HATES you. I attempted to push away my thoughts and listen solely to what Kevin had to say.
“First, I didn’t wake you up and you were raped. Now, I take you into town and he is back. He has found you despite my attempts to protect you. I’m a failure,” he spat the last three words out. I pulled him onto the couch next to me and placed his head on my chest as I swayed him back and forth, just as Denise had done to me.
“Kevin, you have protected me. You’re the only reason I’m still sane- and alive. I love you with all my heart. Nothing is going to change that. Even though I had a break down earlier, I feel safe. I only ever feel safe when I’m with you because of the love you show me. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent that man from touching me, from finding me. But, you can, and you have, protected me. The only reason I was safe on that street when he walked by was because you were there with me and you had your arm tight around me. Kevin, you’re my protector. Don’t ever think that you’re not good enough or a failure. Please,” I whispered out the last words. I picked up his head and ran my hands through his hair as I leaned in to kiss him. He deepened the kiss and moved me onto his lap. I moaned in response and we remained intertwined for a long while.
That kiss was the mark of a milestone in our relationship. We had reached a level of complete honesty with each other. I could tell Kevin anything I wanted to and I was comfortable; I didn’t feel like he was going to break up with me because of something I said. He was the perfect complement to me, and he often told me I was the perfect match for him.
Kevin and I had been going out for just over a year when I was raped. Tonight was our 1 year and 4 months anniversary. Since Kevin was always busy with the band, he made sure to keep the anniversary of our first date free every month. The Jonas family and I were going out for a special dinner together in celebration of our anniversary. As I was searching through my closet for something nice to wear, I realized that none of the nice clothing I owned would fit anymore. I was three months pregnant, and had grown just enough for my clothing to become too tight for comfort. I plopped myself down on the floor in font of my closet and started to think about my baby bump and how big I was getting. I spotted Kevin and called him over, “Kevin, do you think I’m fat?” His face looked shocked. I knew not to expect anything other than a “no,” because he was too much of a gentleman to say otherwise.
His eyes softened and glistened from the overhead lighting. “Erin, Babe, you’re not fat. You have a little baby growing and developing in you,” he pointed to my stomach, “That bump is nothing but gorgeous. And so are you. Ever since you became pregnant, there is the beautiful glow that is constantly radiating from you; I can’t help but smile when I see you and think of how lucky I am to have you,” he paused and took my hands, pulling me up to my feet. “You’re nothing but beautiful and I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you!”
A smile spread across my face. Kevin always knew what to say and what to do to bring me out of any bad mood I was in. Kevin rifled through my closet to find something for me to wear. He turned back to me empty handed, but a huge smile was plastered on his face. He told me to close my eyes and wait for him to come back. I heard him open another closet, I assumed it was his, and search through it. He was back quickly and told me I could open my eyes again. In one hand, he was holding a beautiful dress. I was black with sequins all over it. In the other hand was an amazing pair of red, patent leather pumps. My mouth dropped open as he placed the dress and shoes in my arms and told me to put them on. I was so excited that I ran to the bathroom, ripping off my sweatpants and tee shirt. The dress fit perfectly. It slightly accented my small baby bump and the bright shoes made the whole outfit perfect.
I slowly opened the bathroom door and headed to the kitchen, where I had told Kevin to wait. I stepped through the curtain that separated the kitchen from the sleeping area, doing a slight twirl in front of him. He was staring at me, his eyes scanning me up and down.
