Hey all. So long story short, my old thread spazzed and I'm back to creating a new thread, hoping to catch my old reader's attention. Please comment--I adore new readers and welcome back my old ones!! I have a new chapter ready, so after this huge post, I'll post that. Please enjoy!! -Bri
Skylar
Prologue
“God Allison, you can take one night off to see me.” Nick’s tone sounded annoyed and I knew it was because of me, but I couldn’t blame him. This was the third date I’d had to cancel; the third time he’d been in town without me seeing him.
I twisted a lock of hair around my hand, the blonde contrasting with the tan I had developed during my week at the beach during spring break, while stepping out of the way as Julie passed, carrying a lethargic beagle that she had finished drawing blood from. “I’m sorry.” I tried to sound honest, but I could tell by the confused look she shot me that I had let a note of anger creep in.
“Well we’ll just try next time won’t we?” I bit my lip. Wow, he sounded angry. I felt awful, as I realized how much I missed my boyfriend. Trust me, dating Nick Jonas sounds glamorous, but never getting to see him stinks. We’d developed sort of a system: I’d call him during my lunch hour, the one time he usually had free, and we’d catch each other up on our lives. But of course, nothing’s perfect and our relationship seemed like it was doomed to crash and burn. We were supposed to meet up that night, to plan our three-year-anniversary, but I hadn’t been able to wiggle out of being on call.
“I’m really sorry Nick. I wanted to come.” Closing my eyes, I tried to picture him: Curly brown hair, dark brown eyes that made most girls melt(me included), his slender 6’ 2” frame, the smell that was simply…Nick.
“Allie.” My name cut through my thoughts as I realized he was trying to get my attention.
“Yeah.” Julie glanced up at my sharp tone, a worried look on her face. Her lab coat was spattered with a dark stain and she cursed quietly, tugging it off and scrubbing at it, the action distracting her from our conversation.
Nick sighed. “Look, since you’re on call tonight, I’ll just see if we have some free time tomorrow.”
An impulse came over me- the mental dare exhilarating me. “Just…come on over tonight Nick. I’ll pick on dinner on my way home from the university” –I was in my junior year at North Carolina State University Vet School and although Nick always supported me, my numerous cla.sses made it hard to see him when he was in town and even harder to fly out to wherever they happened to be.
“See you tonight.” The sudden silence in my ear made me jump and glare at the cell phone I held that was flashing “lost call”. Of course.
I entered my apartment, finding Nick there, curled up on the couch, reading “To Kill A Mockingbird”, the TV on in the background. “Hey.”
He glanced up from the book, eyes lighting up as he saw me. “Allie!” He was across the room before I could even muster a greeting, setting the take-out bags on the counter before pulling me into his arms. “How was school today?” He was torturing me, being so close as every nerve on my body stood on end.
“Getting better.” He kissed me quickly and then let go, turning to the Chinese on the counter. As he tore into the bags I scoffed and pulled out plates and forks, handing a serving spoon to my boyfriend before he could dig in with his bare hands. “I’ve been replaced by food.”
Nick shook his head vigorously, his mouth full of chicken. “Nope.” He announced before swallowing. “Sesame chicken doesn’t kiss as well as you do.”
I laughed and smacked his arm with my fork before digging in to the plate in front of me. “How long are you here for?”
“Just until tomorrow.” The conversation continued, evolving into debates over music and books; discussions of my studies and a play-by-play of their most recent tour.
The night ended all too quickly for the both of us and Nick was pulling on his jacket as I cleaned up from our supper. “I don’t want you to go.” I complained from where I was washing dishes.
“I know.” Nick agreed, drying off the last plate and putting it up for me. As he turned to face me, his eyes ran over my clothes and he smirked. “You’re still in your work clothes.”
I glanced down, blushing as I realized he was right, my lab coat sporting several stains and my khakis showing all too clearly where several cats had tried to sink their claws into my leg. “You like?” I spun in place, his gaze on me. I thought nothing of it until he looked at me. His eyes blazed with a sudden emotion that I struggled to name and he stepped forward, pulling me to face him, his callused hands on my shoulders.
“What” –my words were cut off as his mouth descended over mine, passion pulsing through the simple touch. He pushed me against the wall, the force shaking the college diploma that hung a few feet away. We were both out of control and we knew it- but neither of us cared, consenting and in a backwards sort of way, agreeing, to what consequences could follow the path we were on. His nimble hands pushed my dark blue lab coat to the floor, his fingers brushing the medical emblem on the front as it landed with a soft ‘thud’ on the carpet beneath our feet. My hands twined in his long curls, my index finger pulling one taut against his cheek as my fingertips lightly brushed the curve of his ear. He moaned lightly into my mouth and all was lost.
“Okay” –Nick sounded mad as I clutched the phone closer- “Not only are you breaking up with me, you’re doing a REALLY bad job.”
I was close to tears, my hand resting on my stomach- the bump from my –our- baby barely visible through my coat, the wind blowing my hair back as I walked across the campus. “I’m really sorry, but the separation…you just have to trust me.”
Five Years Later
“Mommy!” Skylar called, wandering into the back of the clinic, pausing to give a hug to Amy, one of the other vets that worked in the practice alongside me. “Mommy, where are you?”
“Kiddo!” My assistant, Terra, distracted my daughter momentarily as she waved her over to help. “Here.” Terra handed Skylar the kitten she held. “Go see what she weighs.”
“3 and a half pounds!” Skylar called proudly from the baby scale that rested beside the oxygen cage. It was then that I decided to make my presence known as I looked up from the patient history I was reading.
“Skylark!” From my seat in the surgery room, my files spread out in front of me as I documented the day’s efforts, I could only see the light brown hair that crowned my daughter’s head, and her little hand as she reached up and waved.
One of the other vets, Julie, my roommate in college and best friend now ran the practice with me, walked through the surgery room, followed by her assistant, Steven. “Hey Allie.” She swiped one of the folders that I had lying out. “You took my file for the Ledbetter cat.”
I shot her an innocent smile. “Sorry Jules.”
“You’re just glad because it’s one less file to go through.” Julie reached across me to grab a pen, scribbling down a few key notes before she forgot them.
“Aunt Julie!” Skylar held up the kitten Terra had handed her. “Terra says to give her a shot of glucose.”
“How much does she weigh?” Julie motioned for Skylar to set the small form on the table as I cleared a spot for the tiny animal. Skylar held the kitten in place as she slid the fluid into the tiny vein in the kitten’s leg as it yowled, causing Skylar to clap a free hand to her ear, pressing her shoulder against the other one to block out the sound.
Skylar yawned, hugging me tightly after Julie had relieved her of the cat, taking it in the other room to run some tests confirming the suspected hypoglycemia. “I missed you today.” My daughter reassured me.
I pretended to be mad at her. “And you left this morning when I needed your help!”
Skylar fixed me with an annoyed stare, a small smile twitching on her lips, the only signal that she was kidding. “Mommy, you’re the one who told me to go play with Adri.”
I bit my lip to keep from laughing, knowing she was right. Earlier that morning, one of my friends had invited Skylar to spend the day with her, knowing that since Skylar was homeschooled, her days at the clinic were ones that she would happily miss. Don’t get me wrong, Skylar adored being around all the animals and helping Julie, Amy and me, but 9-hour days for a 5-year-old every week was pushing it.
“I’m going to go help Amy.” Skylar wiggled out of my grasp, setting off to tour the small building in search for something to do.
Later that night, as we were driving home to eat and change before going back, since I was on call, Skylar spoke up from the backseat, her little voice floating up to me. “Mommy, why aren’t you married like Adri?”
We’d had many conversations relating to this subject, but I had refused to answer any direct questions, including her favorite: “who’s my daddy?” I didn’t want to hide anything from my daughter, but some wounds are best left unopened. I hadn’t had any contact with Nick since we had broken up, over five years before and I secretly planned to leave it that way. The Jonas Brothers had done well, their following three albums all going gold, two going platinum, the success sparking several world-wide tours and many awards. They’d performed on TV countless times and had even gone so far as to release several movies—instant box-office hits incase you were wondering.
“Mommy?” I was startled out of my thoughts by my daughter’s curious face looking at me in the rear-view mirror. “Why?”
I took a deep breath, sighing as I pulled into our driveway, turning to look at Skylar once the car was stopped. “I just never found the right person, Sky.” Skylar looked confused for a split second, but shrugged it off. “Come on.” I helped her climb out of the car and we went inside, my mind whirring with memories.
Chapter One
The cell phone for the office rang beside me, a.lerting me to another emergency. Silently cursing the animal who had interrupted my sleep I answered gruffly. “Allison Baker.”
The voice that answered me was close to tears. “My dog was hit by a car and” –the words trailed off into a sob and I pulled myself into work mode, realizing, for the umpteenth time, just how much I loved every aspect of my job…except the one that included getting up at 3am to go save an animal in need.
Sighing, I asked the inevitable question. “Sir, is your dog alive?”
“I think so.” The sobs became sniffles as he waited for my answer. I ran over my options as I climbed out of bed, stripping off my sweat pants and pulling on jeans, holding the phone in between my shoulder and ear.
“Then that means we have a fighting chance.” I explained, turning the phone onto speaker as I pulled a button-up shirt over my tank-top and situated my trusty lab coat on top. After getting the rest of the story and having the owner describe his dog’s injuries, I quickly woke up Skylar, pulling her out of her bed, grinning at the Cinderella pajamas she wore. “Come on, Sky.” I begged, fastening her into her car seat. “I need you to be my helper again.” She mumbled an agreement waking up slightly as I backed out of the driveway.
We arrived at the clinic just after they did and I sent Skylar running to open the clinic and pull out my supplies (anesthesia, bandages, my stethoscope, the norm.) as I surveyed the dog in front of me.
There was no denying he was a mess. ‘Duke’ was a big bloodhound and he was limp with pain as I pulled him into my arms racing for the door that Skylar held open. After Duke’s owners, Skylar and I had piled into an exam room, I realized how hurt this dog was. On the initial glance over I hadn’t seen any visible wounds, but as I explored his chest area and he cried out, I knew something much deeper was going on. Probing gently, I noticed the odd rhythm of his heart and how it seemed to be a little faster than normal. Dismissing it as average I continued with the examination.
Skylar was watching the dog closely as well as keeping the stethoscope in her ears, which meant she was the first to notice when the dog suddenly jerked and his heart went crazy. She, wasting no time, grabbed my hand, resting it just above his heart so I could feel it pounding wildly. My instincts went into emergency mode as I felt the adrenaline hit my veins. The only time I ever felt such a rush was when…well…yeah, I’m not going there. Yanking open a drawer, I shed the cover over the needle and plunged it into the bottle of anesthesia, drawing out enough to knock the dog out for several hours. Handing it to Skylar I allowed her to administer the drug as I ran an IV catheter into the leg, taping it close and setting up the drip to start filling his body with fluid, desperate to keep him hydrated. Duke’s owners looked close to tears, their little boy bawling and his mother barely holding back as they realized the severity of the situation. Exchanging a glance with Skylar, she instantly shooed the family out of the room into the empty waiting room, then raced back to me. My breath caught as the dog’s heart suddenly stopped and I glanced at the clock on the wall, timing my pushes on his chest to every two seconds as I attempted to get his heart started again. As I punched on the dog’s rib cage, cursing under my breath, I pointed to a bottle in the cabinet with my other and Skylar got it down, drawing out the amount I indicated. After I got his heart pumping again, I started running tests, desperate to save the life that lay in my hands.
Forty-five minutes, five complete body x-rays, and an ultrasound later, I was making the speech that no vet ever wants to make to their patient’s family.
“Is that our only option?” The woman asked, tears pooling in her big blue eyes as her son sobbed into his father’s shirt. Duke lay on the exam table, looking completely out-of-it and their teenage daughter who had joined them was petting his head and murmuring softly. I was trying not to look at her after I had seen that she was wearing a Jonas Brothers t-shirt—naturally.
“I’m afraid so.” I ran my tongue across my lips, pointing to the x-rays that I had set up, showing them the internal bleeding and broken rib cage. “With just those injuries alone it’d be extremely hard for him to recover, but with these” –my finger ran over the image of his pelvis, showing the hip that had shattered. “It’s going to be almost impossible.”
Their daughter looked up at me. “Can you keep him alive?” As if realizing how cruel her words sounded, she rushed to amend them. “I mean, if Duke were your dog, would you?”
And here it was—the ultimatum that almost every client facing euthanasia presented. I forced myself to be brutally honest, knowing it was what they needed to hear. “No, I wouldn’t.” Skylar didn’t look surprised, she knew a lost case when presented with one; Duke’s family on the other hand looked broken—and I understood the feeling completely.
Finally, after a long silence, the man spoke, his deep voice rumbling through the room. “Put him down.” The tears that the woman had tried to force back escaped and slid down her cheeks.
Skylar and I slipped out of the room, giving the family time to say their good-byes. I sat down in front of the computer, pulling her into my lap as she cuddled close.
“Does putting dogs down hurt, Mama?” Skylar asked shrewdly, looking at me.
I considered my answer for a minute, running my hand through my hair, twisting a strand around my index finger, some of the hair getting caught on the gold ring I wore, the inside scripted with Skylar’s name and birthdate: Skylar Leigh Baker 12/18/2019. The ring meant the world to me as it was a combined present from my parents, Skylar, Amy, Julie and Terra that had been given on my birthday the year previously.
“I think it does a little, Sky.” I continued thoughtfully. “I wish that it didn’t, but at the same time, it doesn’t hurt because I know it’s the right thing.”
When my daughter replied, it was with an answer wise beyond her years. “But should the right thing hurt? If it’s the right thing I mean.”
I was close to tears, my hand resting on my stomach- the bump from my –our- baby barely visible through my coat, the wind blowing my hair back as I walked across the campus. “I’m really sorry, but the separation…you just have to trust me.”
Nick’s voice was choked and I could feel the hot tear running down my cheek at his pain. “Is this the right thing?”
The hurt and guilt that ripped through me at his words was physically painful, yet I forced the words out anyway. “Yes.”
“Bye Allie.” The dial tone was soft and quiet in my ear as we simultaneously walked away from one of—quite possibly the greatest—relationship of our lives. Barely five seconds later, I already missed him.
Chapter Two
“I seriously don’t know how I did it after I saw that shirt…he was just staring at me.” I ranted to Julie the next morning as she checked over one of her patient’s wounds as I held the annoyed cat in place.
“Were you surprised at the shirt or was it the pain of missing him that you only realized when you saw his picture?” Julie asked as she glanced at me, reading my face like an open book, in the way that only best friends can.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure.” An idea occurred to me as I realized a way to get my mind off a certain 27-year-old. “When’s your next day off?” I knew I should know that kind of information, but I was a little distracted, give me a break.
“Monday, maybe.” Julie thought for a minute as she quickly removed the stitches that held the incision together with a sharp scalpel. “Yeah, I think that’s it—why?”
My words tumbled out of my mouth as I gave voice to my hypothetical plans. “I think I want to tell Nick.”
Julie’s gloved fingers slipped over the blade she held, drawing blood, and curses, from my best friend. “OUCH! What?”
I heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m really not sure, I just keep thinking it’s time.”
“I think five years ago was time.” Julie intoned unhelpfully as she left the cat in my hands and went over to the sink to clean her cuts, the cat yowling it’s protest at being ignored.
“Well things got in the way.” I murmured, glancing down the hallway to where Amy and Skylar were developing x-rays for a dog with a broken toe.
“Like?” Julie prompted, returning to duck her head underneath the cat’s belly to continue removing the thread.
“Like the fact that I was three months pregnant with a supposedly pure rockstar’s baby.” I retorted, holding the cat’s front paws as it tried to claw us.
Julie laughed. “That had to be awkward.”
“You were there!” I reminded her. “You were my roommate and brought me all my craving supplies!”
My best friend glared at me. “You knew what I meant.” She paused. “And yes, I remember.” She shuddered dramatically. “Ice cream and pickles, NASTY.”
“It was good!” I defended then giggled and paused. “Well, it was at the time.”
Julie scoffed. “Okay, I’m taking you and Sky to dinner tonight so that she doesn’t end up eating pickles and ice cream and that I can try to talk you through telling Nick.”
One of the receptionists came back and handed me a file. “They want to see you specially, Allie.” I shrugged, this was nothing new; all our clients had preferences.
“Go.” Julie shooed me away, calling Steven(who had left the room when we started girl talking) to come help her as I composed myself and entered the room, looking forward to that night, ready to perfect my plan, the excitement and adrenaline pushing me forward.
Skylar had voted on Italian, so the three of us found ourselves at one of the many local pizza places that lined the mini-boardwalk that stretched across the beach, Wilmington Beach to be exact, right on the coast of North Carolina. Skylar dragged me to one of the tables outside and Julie cheerfully followed, knowing well Skylar’s love for the ocean. A few minutes after our food arrived, Skylar spotted Adri and with my permission, bolted off to go say hi.
“Are you seriously going to tell him?” Julie had never been one to wait, instead, diving directly into the heart of the matter.
I sighed, playing with the cotton napkin beside me. “I’m not sure.”
She gasped. “Allison Baker, if you back out…” The threat went unfinished as she glared at me.
“I will be in deep trouble?” I guessed, grinning at her.
“Deep trouble.” She stressed as my attention wafted over the other patrons. I stiffened as I saw a brunette that looked familiar. After almost two years of obsession and four years of knowing him personally, I couldn’t mistake the straight dark hair that hung to the nape of his neck.
“I’ve been warned.” I pulled my gaze back to her, smiling slightly. “But I don’t really wanna talk about it.”
She grimaced. “Sorry.” Our conversation was interrupted as our food arrived and I grudgingly called Skylar back to the table to eat.
I’m not sure what compelled me to do it, that night especially, but after Skylar went to bed, I crept downstairs to one of the closets and pulled out my ‘Nick’ box. It sat on top of a large pile of boyfriend boxes, all stacked chronologically, but none sat above his. Since Skylar had been born, I’d always made excuses to any potential dates, much to Julie and Amy’s chagrin. My excuses had included the norm: baby, school, work, etc. Sometimes I had thought about going, but as I would open my mouth to accept, an image had always stopped me, abruptly turning my ‘yes’ to ‘no’. Nick Jonas is who would appear to me at those times, reminding me that no matter what I tried to tell myself, no matter how hard I tried to believe it, my heart was gone, given away, taken.
I pulled the heavy box to the living room and sat on the white carpet, situating the box between my legs. I took a deep breath, realizing that cardboard still retained the scent that was completely indescribable; that was uniquely Nick. I hesitantly slid back the top, almost afraid of what I might find. A harmless photo album lay on top, the cover reading(in my looping cursive) “Nick and Allie 2011-2015”. The simple words made my heart pang and my blood rush at the thought that once upon a time there had been a Nick and Allie. I set to the side, plunging my hand into the depths of the box, my fingers closing around a small object. I opened my palm to reveal an engagement ring, or, more accurately, a wax form of an engagement ring. As I ran my fingers over the silver form(it had been dyed to match the actual one), the memory rushed from it’s hiding place in a forgotten and uncharted corner of my brain.
Nick and I tended to have long, in-depth discussions about marriage. Not necessarily about our wedding, but just marriage in general. The concept, the ceremony, the receptions, the accessories…which is where my ring came into play. After one such a drawn-out conversation, this one actually in person as Nick had flown down to see me, he had pulled me downtown to look at rings after we had gotten into a particularly intense debate about the expression and significance of engagement/wedding rings. Once we were there and after the jeweler had pulled out the cases of rings, Nick had suggested that I pick on out. I had refused initially, but he had pointed one out and before I knew what I was doing, I had wandered over to one of the other cases and had pulled one out, turning it over in my hands. It was silver, a darker silver than I’d ever seen in a ring, it’s color enhanced by the two emeralds than sat on either side of a tiny diamond. The diamond itself was perfect; it was a square-cut, nestled into the thin band, protruding just slightly past the emeralds, their green accenting almost-blinding white of the diamond, the two colors never mixing but encouraging each other. A sigh of admiration had escaped my lips, drawing Nick to my side.
“It looks like something you would pick.” He’d told me honestly, pulling my gaze off the ring and into his deep brown eyes that were filled with love as he looked at me. I’d blushed at being caught and had hurriedly put the ring away. The jeweler had then offered the wax version, so finely crafted that, had it been next to the original, would have made it hard to tell them apart. Before I could give audio to my protest, Nick had graciously accepted it, slipping it into his pocket and guiding me from the little store, his hand on the small of my back, the touch sending tingles up my spine. After we’d gotten in the car, he’d dug in his pocket and offered me the ring.
"Try it." He’d prompted, watching as I hesitantly slid it onto my left ring finger. I had taken off my purity ring almost two months before, giving it to Nick, who'd responded in kind. My excuse had been that it was getting dirty(no pun intended) when I worked on the animals in cla.ss; Nick's being that it was in the way when he played. At any rate, both of our left hands were bare, or at least mine had been. As I’d looked at the wax form on my finger I’d fallen more and more in love with it.
“It's beautiful." I breathed, Nick leaning on my shoulder, the car still in park, his curls brushing my neck and just under my ear, making me shiver pleasantly.
"Beautiful ring"-he’d agreed, long delicate fingers trailing on the bare skin between the hemline of my shirt and waistband of my jeans- “even prettier girl.”
I’d blushed and smiled at my boyfriend of four years. “You’re corny.” I’d whispered, attempting to be severe as my thoughts had threatened to run far out of the realms of appropriate with him being so close, so tantalizing. I’d leaned the few inches between us and kissed him, his hand on my waist pulling me closer, into the divider between our seats. His every kiss would send glowing feelings out to every corner of my body.
Two days later I found out he had gone and bought the ring. He had admitted to it, but also told me that he was willing to wait months or years, but in typical Nick-fashion, he wanted to be prepared.
Four days later I found out I was pregnant.
Five days later I ended the relationship.
Secretly, I wandered if he still had the ring. I had been sure to avoid any news concerning him or the family, so I had no clue if he was single, dating, or –my insides turned to ice at the thought- married.
Chapter 3
Julie, Skylar and I headed down the boardwalk, Skylar skipping ahead of us, Julie and I still in our work clothes: khakis, polo shirts and lab coats; our unbuttoned coats flapping behind us in the ocean wind.
“You know,” Julie announced, “if we were trying to hide from someone, we’d be kinda obvious.”
I stared at her. “Okay, I’m going to bite the bait and ask, why?”
She giggled, her blue eyes sparkling the exact color of the crashing ocean beside her. “Because we’re wearing name tags, smarty.” I glanced down, remembering my name was embroidered on my royal blue jacket: Allison Baker, DVM and Julie’s deep red matched mine: Julie Auburn, DVM. Both of our left pockets bore the veterinary emblem and the words: Auburn-Baker Animal Clinic.
“These are the kinds of random things that occur to you aren’t they?” I asked her as she laughed, throwing her head back, the wind catching her shoulder-length blonde hair and tossing it behind her.
“’Course.” Our attention was drawn to Skylar as she ran back to us, spinning through the space in-between Julie and I, then taking my hand, blinking dizzily.
“Skylar!” I picked her up, swinging her around to rest on my hip, ignoring the fact that she was much too big. I smoothed the curls away from her face, not paying attention where I walked, resulting, naturally, in me running into someone. “Crap!” I let Skylar wriggle out of my arms as I looked up, my jaw dropping when I saw who was in front of me.
To be honest, he looked much the same at 30 as he had at 18. Definitely a lot more mature…at least in looks. His dark brown hair was still brushing his shoulders, giving him a dangerous vibe; his cheekbones still prominent in the long face that was typical of the elder boys in his family; his eyes still the same stunning brown that had the ability to melt a nation of hearts—we had proof. I had forgotten that we stood eye-to-eye, my height matching his of 5’8”, but his crazy hats usually gave him a half-inch advantage.
I hurriedly mumbled an apology, praying he wouldn’t recognize me, but an iron grip encircled my elbow as he looked between me and Skylar, then down at my left hand, where my ring finger was bare. The grip tightened, making my veins pop as I clenched my fist, attempting to keep some blood flowing.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” I feigned innocence, praying my little scheme would pay off.
He glared at me, my numb brain (I think the pain from my arm had spread to my thoughts) registered that Julie had pulled Skylar away to play on the beach. “Allie?” His voice came out in a slight hiss, the anger fueling his tone was something that I completely understood but I was loosing feeling in my arm.
“Leggo.” I wrenched my arm out of his grasp and he stared at me, as if memorizing every detail of my face.
“Allison?” So we were good, he remembered my name; making progress here.
I pulled my coat back over my torso; now that I was standing still, the wind was making me cold. “Read the coat, rocker boy.” I cracked a small smile, to let him know I wasn’t mad. His posture relaxed a little and he glanced over at Skylar.
“Who’s that?” He asked. “Julie’s daughter?” It was completely obvious that he knew what my answer would be, but to humor him, I answered anyway.
“No, that’s not Julie’s daughter.” I refused to give out more information than was necessary, daring him to ask the pivotal question.
He sighed, running a lean hand through his hair. “Allison.” I remained quiet, watching my daughter. He stayed quiet for a few seconds, before caving. “Allie, is that your daughter?”
I lowered my head, staring at the sand. “Yes.” I whispered, something breaking inside of me. It killed me to tell him this way, because out of all the scenarios I had planned, all the situations I had theoretically put myself in, this was my least favorite.
“Is she why you left?” The infliction didn’t pass my sensors and I snapped my head up to stare at him, shaking my hair out of my eyes, glaring at him as it fell back to it’s place just pass my shoulders.
“She is Skylar, my daughter.” I corrected snappishly.
He held up his hands in mock defense. “Sorry Allie.”
I sighed, turning away from him for a brief second. “It’s okay, you didn’t mean to.”
“So what’s been going on with you?” I resisted the urge to scoff at his words—we had been best friends, this was awkward talk reserved for exs.
But I followed the pattern, shrugging. “Nothing.”
He pointed to my coat, calling my bluff. “That’s not nothing.” Unconsciously, my fingers smoothed over the tiny emblem that his (I didn’t dare think his name) fingers had run down countless times before.
“I have my own practice now.” I admitted.
His curiosity piqued. “Really?”
“It’s me, Julie, Jeff Mauldin, and Amy Warren.” I explained. “Julie and I started it right out of vet school and Amy, then Jeff, joined us.”
He nodded, processing slowly. “Tell me.”
“Tell you what?” I narrowed my eyes at him, scanning the area around him, but finding only the bodyguard that was cautiously surveying the people around us.
He pulled me to a bench near the boardwalk. “Everything.”
And so I did. I described my 7 months of pregnancy (Skylar had been premature), my job, my last years of school; everything he wanted to know, I answered, save one detail: Skylar’s father. I was almost positive he knew, but knowing me as he did, he wisely chose not to push it. After a while, Julie left Skylar playing sandcastles and came over to tell me that she was taking Skylar home so we could talk. He obviously recognized my partner and they exchanged awkward hellos. He and Jules had only met once or twice before, but had heard stories about the other. Julie left and we continued our conversation, this time, I was the one asking the questions. All too soon, his bodyguard came over to the bench, informing us he had to leave.
“Thanks Allie.” He told me kindly. “For everything.” He hugged me briefly and took my hand and a black Sharpie out of his pocket, scribbling quickly. When I glanced down, I saw 10 digits—his number. Grinning, I snatched the Sharpie and did the same to him, scrawling “call me” above the number. He looked down at his hand and laughed. “Okay, I will.”
“Good.” I told him sternly, watching as he left, his hair glowing in the setting sun in front of him. My heart ached for him and his family- the amazing life I’d let slip by me so many years before.
It was with these thoughts that I let Joseph Jonas walk out of my life, taking any chance of reconnecting with Nick along with him; and the realization killed me.
Chapter 4
“Mommy?” Skylar was almost asleep, curled up against me on the large king-size bed that occupied much of my bedroom. She had come in after a nightmare had awoken her, understandingly unnerving her slightly. I was lying back on a pile of pillows, my arm around her shoulders, my opposite hand running the curls out of her eyes. We had both snuggled under the bronze sheets that covered my bed, the heater blowing warm air through the house since the September night was unexpectedly cold. I glanced down at my daughter, smiling softly as her brown eyes met mine and I was reminded again how much her eyes looked like Nick’s, a painful twang wracking my heart after I realized his birthday was nearly three days away. “How did you meet my daddy?” The question pulled me back to earth and I started my story.
“Once upon a time,” I began, staring at the wall opposite me, my eyes slipping out of focus as I tried to remember the exact circumstances that had changed my life. “There was a puppy.”
Skylar interrupted me quickly. “I thought you were telling me about Daddy.”
“Shh.” I whispered, frowning playfully at her as she sheepishly buried her face in her pillow, silencing all further commentary. “I’m telling a story.”
“Sorry.” Her voice was muffled by the pillow and I bit back a laugh, hugging her close.
Grinning, I continued. “The puppy was very sick and so they brought him into the vet at the university and one of the interns attended to the dog.”
“Was it you?” Skylar interrupted again.
I shushed her and moved on. “The student checked over the puppy and ran tests and diagnosed the dog with Parvo.”
“Parvo?” Skylar gasped, her eyes wide with horror. Canine Parvovirus was something that we dealt with on a daily basis, the virus a nasty one, that was not unlike leukemia in the sense that it destroyed healthy and growing cells, but unlike leukemia, the virus centered around the intestines, colon and other such places. Since it was a virus, we could only treat it symptomatically and the virus was usually fatal. A happy outlook, no?
“Parvo.” I agreed, covering her mouth as she opened it, so I could continue to speak. As I continued with the story I knew by heart, my own memories took hold.
Terra glared at the slim plastic Parvo test that lay on the counter in front of her. “Okay, should I be upset that the dog has Parvo and we have to keep him or be happy because one of her owners is hot?”
I tried not to laugh as I passed her, carrying the infected Lab puppy in my arms. “Both?”
She scoffed, following me into the Isolation Room with the connecting bag of IV fluid that was running into the puppy’s (whose name I remembered as Kitty) catheter. “You’re no help.” She smirked at me while I set the dog on the towel in the cage, a laugh playing across her face. “The youngest guy was totally staring at you though.”
“He was staring at his dog.” I corrected, blushing when I realized that I had admitted to looking at him as Terra collapsed into giggles. She was still laughing as I walked out of the room, ignoring her as I went up to the vet I interned with as she scribbled down the notes about Kitty.
“You ready, Allie?” She asked me, looking up. After the test had turned positive, she had informed me that I was to be the one to tell the owners, as to gain practice at dealing with clients.
I shrugged. “Guess so.” As if anything could prepare me for facing three wickedly gorgeous guys and their little brother and informing them that their dog was most likely going to die.
She pointed to the door. “Have at it.”
Taking a deep, calming breath, I pushed open the door and faced the group, all of whom were looking worried. “Hi, guys, I’m Allie Baker and I’m one of the people who’ve been working on Kitty.”
“Is everything okay?” The oldest asked, who I vaguely remembered as Kevin.
I sighed, taking the information hand-out Terra slid into my hand through the crack between the opened door and the wall. “Well, we ran a few tests and the one for Parvo came out positive.”
Judging by the devastated looks on the three older boys faces, they had some understanding of what Parvo was, but the youngest, whom I guessed to be around nine or ten looked clueless. I bent down to his level. “You worried?” I asked, my Southern accent sounding painfully obvious against their cultured voices which held a mixture of New Jersey and what seemed to be California.
“Will she be okay?” He asked, lower lip trembling slightly as he looked like he was hanging onto my every word, placing all his trust in me. You know, that that there was any pressure or anything.
“I’m not sure.” I replied honestly, feeling the other three gazes on my back as they listened. “But we’re doing everything we can.”
Three days later as I was discharging Kitty as she had been restored to almost-full health, Nick had asked for my number and then four months later we were officially dating and had announced it to the press.
Most of his fans were happy for him- at least happy that he had disclosed our relationship, but not especially happy with his choice of girlfriend. Having been a fan before I’d met them, I really couldn’t blame the fans, but it was always a relief to see someone who’d seek me out at the few concerts I managed to attend, just to tell me how happy she was for me. Hello happy, warm, fuzzy feelings. The fans learned to appreciate me after I ‘taught’ (okayyy, so I, erm, baited) him to smile with his teeth showing and to drop the seductive expressions (those were reserved for me and me alone) after we had been dating for almost two years and I had grown tired of the same poses he used for almost every public photo that existed of him. Our relationship had only strengthened when I went off to vet school at age 20 after having graduated college when I was 19(thank you dual enrollment) and he went on yet another tour. We overcame amazing obstacles during those two years, as we spent as much time together as possible, resulting in Nick flying back and forth several times both to surprise me and for planned dates. Of course, that plan worked too well once, as the little girl sitting in front of me proved.
“Was Kitty’s owner my daddy?” Skylar asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I grinned down at her. “Yes, sweetie, he was.”
She curled against me, processing this new information. “I’m glad you told me, Mommy.”
“I’m glad too.” I pondered the sincerity of this comment as Skylar kissed me goodnight and went back into her room, closing my door behind her to leave me with my thoughts.
I lifted the cigarette to my lips, inhaling quickly before dropping it beside me and crushing it with my heel. Skylar shot me a dirty look as I did so, making her disappointment clear. I wasn’t a big smoker, allowing myself very few during the weekend and even less during the week, but Skylar was determined to make me stop completely, even going so far as to force me to x-ray my lungs at the office one day to prove her point.
Beside my daughter, the ocean roared with the accomp*CENSORED*nt of delighted screams from children running up and down the beach. The ocean crashed in time to my cell phone as it started to ring.
“Crap.” I muttered, digging through my purse trying to find the source of the shrill noise. The specific ringtone had identified the caller as Joe, so I was desperate to answer before he hung up. “Heyo Joseph!” I greeted him cheerfully as I grabbed Skylar’s hand while we crossed the street.
“Hey Allie!” He sounded enthusiastic enough, but also guilty as well, making me instantly suspicious as Skylar and I arrived at the park and she ran off to play.
“What did you get into now, Joseph?” I asked him firmly, my brain warning me that it wasn’t going to be good.
“Nothing.” His voice was lightly casual and I didn’t believe him for a second.
“Liar.” I accused, the silence on the other line informing me that I was right.
He took a deep breath, as if preparing me for the worst. “IkindatoldKevaboutyouandSkylar.”
I attempted to make some sort of sense from that pile of sounds, but was unable to come up with any familiar sounding words. “What?”
“I. Told. Kevin. About. Skylar.” He drug out the sentence and I stopped, refraining from yelling at him.
"You did WHAT?" I bit my lip as several people around me (Skylar included) started to stare.
He sounded guilty. "I'm so sorry Allie, but he was going through my phone and asked... you know I can't lie to Kev."
I sighed. "Yeah, I do." Then something occurred to me and I glanced around to make sure that Skylar was out of earshot on the swings before I spoke. "But hey, at least it wasn't Nick...right?"
"Definitely." He assured me, his tone radiating confidence. "I swore Kevin to secrecy as well."
I had made Joe swear that he wouldn't tell Nick about Skylar, and preferably not me, since that could lead to some awkward questions. As far as I knew, he hadn't broken that promise, but I was still firm on my decision, despite his pleadings, accompanied by Jeff, Amy, and Julie's pleas as well. Skylar returned then and I hung up, after making sure that he was going to give Kevin my number--I wanted to catch up with him after five years of separation.
Watching Skylar play on the swings, I sighed.
How much longer could my secret stay safe from the one who deserved to know the most?
Chapter 5
“You go next.” I prompted, holding the phone to my ear as I stirred our supper, watching Skylar play on her trampoline in the fading light from my view out the window.
“I think you’re going to get mad at me.” Joe warned thoughtfully as I listened to the distant background noises issuing from the room next to where Joe was hiding in his bedroom: guitar riffs; Frankie and one of his friends involved in what sounded like a very violent wrestling match; and Nick, the sound of his voice sending shivers up my back, yelling at them when one of them made a foul.
“I promise I won’t get mad at you.” I swore honestly, waiting for the next question in our odd game of Truth or Dare…although it was really only Truth.
“Have you had any serious, or string-less for that matter, relationships since Nick?” Joe asked, his tone letting me know that there was no way to wiggle out.
I took a deep breath, struggling to remember the last 5 years. “Two with ‘no strings attached’ and none serious, at all,” I added, knowing that Joe, being Joe, wouldn’t be happy unless I made sure to clarify.
“Okay,” he sounded satisfied, “your turn.”
“When are you coming to see us?” I’d been waiting the entire game to mention this, knowing that since Joe and Nick were sharing an apartment, it would be incredibly difficult for Joe to sneak away, especially since they were starting work on their new album in just a few days.
“Soon…I hope.” The answer was way too vague for my taste and I sighed, glaring at the saucepan as some of the spaghetti sauce burned and stuck to the bottom.
“How soon is ‘soon’?” I whined, knowing that I was supposed to wait for my next turn, but ignoring the rule. “Skylar needs someone to hang out with while I’m at work and I miss you.” The relationship between Joe and I was strictly brother-sisterly, but a little sister needs her big brother sometimes.
“I will make it down there as soon as I have a chance.” He promised. After about three years in LA, the Jonas’s had moved back to their house in New Jersey, basically secluding from the public eye except for special performances, tours, and new albums.
“Swear?” I prompted, trying not to laugh as Skylar did a running slide across the damp pollen on the trampoline (it had rained the night before).
“I’m not supposed to swear in front of ladies.” He announced innocently, obviously hiding a laugh. “But I can promise.”
“Good.” I agreed comfortably and our conversation continued.
“Allie, there’s someone to see you up front.” I groaned as the message blared across the office intercom as I looked up from where I was suspending a dog by his hind legs as he threw up all over my shoes, an adverse affect of anesthesia after his owners had fed him hot dogs(which he had swallowed whole) right before they brought him into surgery.
“Send them on back!” I called up front, grimacing.
Today was so not the day for anyone to interact with me. I’d already been peed on by a cat, barfed on by a dog, had euthanized a rabbit, and today of all days, I was the only one running the practice since everyone else was off, except for Terra, Diane (who worked in the back, bathing dogs/cats and cleaning cages) and the three receptionists who worked up front and Skylar was at a friend’s house. The receptionists, realizing that with our huge clientele, that there would be no way for me to see to everyone, had scheduled as few appointments as possible, but my day was still jam-packed—stupid emergency walk-ins.
The back door opened and I glanced up, almost dropping the dog I held when Jeff, one of my partners, walked in, took in the sight of Terra wrestling an angry cat, trying to get the medication in his mouth; Diane mopping up the cages as several dogs waited, their leashes bound to a cage door to keep them still; and me, my hair coming out of my braid and falling around my face as I laid the dog back on his towel, waiting for him to fully emerge from the sedative. After staring at us for a minute, he grabbed the towel and slid it under the dog as I let his hind legs go and straightened up.
“You need help, Allie.” Jeff informed me, grabbing his lab coat and stethoscope, slinging it around his neck.
Suddenly, the exhaustion and stress of keeping Skylar from Nick and the busy morning caught up with me and I flung myself into Jeff’s arms, whispering ‘thank you’ repeatedly.
“It’s already a hectic day, huh?” He asked me, patting my back comfortingly.
“You have no idea.” I moaned, my words interrupted by a yawn. “Julie and Amy are both off and so are most of the assistants. Skylar’s at a friend’s house and…thank you.”
The sounds of a throat clearing made me turn around, letting go of Jeff. My mouth dropped open when I realized who was standing behind me.
“Joe.” I breathed, my eyes taking in the sight of my older ‘brother’, his hair much shaggier than the last time I’d seen him. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s good to see you too Allie.” He retorted, his gaze flickering between me and Jeff, a hesitant smile playing on his face. “I promised to visit, remember?”
I giggled and hugged him tightly. “But you didn’t swear!”
“’Course not.” He let me go and I turned to Jeff and Terra, quickly whispering instructions as Joe’s phone rang and he answered it. Terra and Jeff left the back to go take care of some of the clients and I mouthed that I was going as well when Joe caught my elbow, holding me in place. “Hey Nick.” My eyes widened as his face paled. “What are you talking about Nicholas?” His voice was falsely positive and I didn’t believe a word of what he said, and judging from the jabber issuing from the phone, neither did Nick.
‘What’s going on?’ I hissed in an undertone until he spun me around, pointing at a Polaroid of Skylar that sat on my desk and then motioning to include the one on Julie’s desk of me, Skylar and Julie…the ones that I had given Joe copies of when he had visited last. He tilted the phone so I could listen.
“Are you with Allie, Joseph?” It was the first time I’d heard Nick’s voice up close and I found myself having to force my breathing as I listened. His voice had deepened and become slightly less husky, the combination giving him a killer voice that very obviously melted my heart.
Joe looked at me questioningly and I stepped away from him, over to my desk, pulling out a picture that I had formed by stapling two together. One was of Skylar and the other Nick, their similarities overwhelming.
Glancing from the picture to Joe, I nodded, just once.
Chapter 6
I stepped closer to hear Nick’s response, glaring at one of the dogs as she growled at me—not that I could blame her, really, considering that only a few hours before, I’d removed a not-so-vital organ from her body. Heck, I’d growl at me too. My shoes seemed unnecessarily loud against the laminate floor as Nick spoke.
“You’re with my Allie?” His voice was quiet and hesitant, almost inaudible from where I was standing beside Joe. ‘My Allie’, he had said it, the sentence I’d been waiting to hear for over five years. The simple sentence, that’s all it took to reduce me to a shaking pile of Nick-Jonas love. Joe shot me an almost-amused glance that said he knew exactly how I was feeling—while not being able to understand it, he still knew.
“Yeah, I am.” Joe admitted, looking at me for reassurance as he came dangerously close to the forbidden subject. A pause followed then he interjected with, “we’re in North Carolina.” Another torturous drawn-out pause followed. “What picture…oh, that one, um, yeah, that’s mine.” He stopped talking as an explosion of noise issued from the speaker next to his ear. “What were you doing-never mind.” He stopped again and it was obvious that neither of them were talking until I heard Nick speak in a soft tone, his sentence ending in a question. “Yeah, they’re still here.” My eyes widened and as I looked up glare at him and he winced, I realized that Nick was most likely questioning his statement. “I meant, um, Allie and Julie.”
I buried my head in my hands, knowing that there was no way to dig myself back out of this hole that 5 years of lies had created. My resolve hardening, I stood up, stretching out my hand.
“Let me talk to him.” My sentence was accompanied by an unhelpful, nerve-shaking, steel-cutting bark from a little Chihuahua in the corner who growled at me from between the bars of his carrier.
The look on Joe’s face was priceless. I honestly wish I’d had a camera or something to capture that look of stunned disbelief and confusion that was completely and utterly Joseph. He covered the mouthpiece, hissing, “Are you sure…are you crazy?”
“Yes.” I replied in just over a whisper, snatching the phone from him before I could lose my courage. I slid the phone up to my ear and opened my mouth to talk.
“Joe?” His voice was soft and bewildered, low and husky, just like I remembered it. “Listen, Emily’s here for our date, so I’m going to run.” His tone took on one of excitement. “I’ve got something really special planned for today.”
My heart contracted forcibly and I quickly shut off the phone, abruptly ending the call, my heart attempting to recover as it pounded wildly, threatening to burst out of my chest at any given moment. Pain ripped through my body, tearing me from limb to limb and piercing directly through my heart, shredding me. I fought the pain and tears, refusing to cave as I bit down on my lip, drawing blood as I twisted my hands frantically, pushing away the painful memories that threatened to overwhelm me.
I sank backwards into the chair behind me, doubling over, wrapping my arms around my torso as if I could hold myself together, protecting myself, physically at least, from the gaping hole his love no longer filled. I had come close, so close, to revealing my secret to the man that had tortured my thoughts and emotions for over six years.
“How did he know?” I whispered, refusing to meet Joe’s penetrating gaze. “How would he have guessed?” I had suspicions, but didn’t like any of the prospective options.
“The picture that you gave me last time I was here.” He explained softly, taking the silent phone that I handed him, my hand shaking. “I put it up and hid it super carefully, but he was looking for something in our apartment and found it.” He scoffed. “But of course he did, he’s Nicholas.” The thought of that picture turned my insides to ice, but the memory of my ex-boyfriend made me smile, until I remembered our predicament. The picture was one of me and Skylar, with her sitting on my lap, grinning at the camera. I was running my fingers through her hair and laughing. The angle of the picture made it painfully obvious that Skylar and I were related. The other glaring fact was how much she looked like Nick, or at least one of the Jonas’, seeing as she had inherited her grandmother’s beautiful curly hair and her father’s sparkling eyes. I was close to tears now and realized that we couldn’t continue this conversation here, in my office, certainly not with Jeff present. He and Terra both knew who Skylar’s father was, just not the circumstances in which we were currently trapped.
“Jeff?” I asked after he came out a room, microscope slide in hand. He looked up, showing that he’d heard me as he slid the slide in and began to look intently for signs of heartworms and other parasites. “I’ll do anything if” –he cut me off, grinning as I started to ramble.
“Go home Allie.” He ordered as I slid out of my coat, draping it over my arm as I fished my car keys out of the pocket.
“Thanks!” I called as I headed out the door, Joe on my heels.
“Look Allie,” he told me with the air of someone giving bad news as I finished giving a tour of the small house: kitchen, living/dining room, den, and Skylar’s room (mine had been ‘accidentally’ forgotten). “You’re being ridiculous.”
I burst in indignantly. “I am not being ridiculous!” He shot me a pointed look and I conceded slightly. “But it’s hard to reveal such a big…part of my life.” The excuse was lame and I knew it, but some deep part of me…okay, so it was most of me, didn’t want to tell Nick, wanting selfishly to keep our simple little routine uninterrupted. I wasn’t someone who dealt with change or surprises well and my current situation was a mixture of both.
As I thought about it, I realized my life was a total cliché: boy dates girl, girl ends up pregnant and runs away, has baby and continues with life, insert number of years later father and ex-boyfriend shows up, boy dates girl again and they end up married. I instantly knew that I didn’t want to be just another cliché. After all, what if we weren’t meant to end up married and have kids together (well, it was a little too late for the second option, but you know what I mean)? What if there was a reason for the path God was leading us on? What if-
“Allie?” I realized that Joe was snapping his fingers in front of my face, trying to get my attention.
“Sorry.” I shot him an apologetic smile and returned my focus to the problems ahead of us. “I’m listening now. So” –I looked at my hands, twisting them anxiously in my lap- “what do I do now?” I figured that since Joe was one of the closest people in the world to Nick, he’d know.
He bit his lip thoughtfully, running an absent hand through his hair, making it stand on end. The silver of his purity ring sparkled in the light as he twisted it around his finger. “I think that we should” –he was interrupted by his phone ringing cheerfully. The sound startled me; I hadn’t realized his phone was on again. He glanced at it and then looked at me, a pleading look on his face. “It’s Niki. “ I hadn’t meant his long-time girlfriend yet, but knew her name from his numerous stories (some of them I would have been better off not knowing).
“Go.” I dismissed him, smiling softly when he bolted to his feet in seconds, the phone already to his ear as he left the room. Once he left, I bent over to set my head in my lap, folding my arms over it, my weak barriers crumbling from the pressure of retaining memories, thoughts, and emotions. The sharp feelings overwhelmed my body and I welcomed the pain, using it to pull myself from the stupor I had quickly sunk into.
Pull it together, my mind commanded, think of Skylar. I listened for once in my life, realizing that Skylar needed me to stay strong.
Joe returned almost ten minutes later, a record time. He gracefully ignored my playful jibes, instead pulling my creativity toward coming up with a plan. After about two hours of intense discussion, we settled on a course of action, even though I protested almost every step of the way.
I knew I wasn’t mentally prepared for what was to come, but firmly ordered myself to continue with life as if nothing was wrong.
“So, I’m going to ask Nick to come stay with me in the hotel here, right?” I nodded mutely in response to Joe’s question. “I’ll make up anything, but trust me I’ll make sure that he’ll be here tomorrow night. We’ll stay for about a week sight-seeing or whatever, then it’s up to you.” A gentle, calloused hand slipped under my chin, forcing my gaze up. “Alls, I’m not going to force you into doing anything that you don’t want, but you need to do what’s right.” He let my face go, grabbing his phone and coat from where he had dumped them on the couch. “I’m going to go check in, but I’ll call you later, okay?”
I nodded. “’kay.” His gentle lips brushed briefly against my cheek, then when he exited the door, my blast from the past was gone, leaving me wondering if it had all been a dream.
I sighed and collapsed backwards on the chair, swinging my legs over the arm as I let my head fall back to stare at the ceiling. Tomorrow, one of the most important people in my life would be closer to me than he had been in years. Was I crazy?
Heck yes.
Chapter 7
“He’s seriously here?” My voice shot through two octaves as a yelp of pain issued from Joe. Skylar tossed me a strange look from where she and Julie were lying on the carpeted floor, scrap-booking. I continued my rant in a low, angry hiss. “Are you crazy? This town is tiny; we could run into him at any given moment!”
His next sentence wasn’t too reassuring, “you agreed to this.”
“Shut up.” I snapped irritably, slamming the dishwasher door harder than was necessary in my worried anger.
“Mama, come here!” Skylar called, holding up a photo. “Look at this!” I went over to her, the phone cradled in-between my ear and shoulder as Joe hastened to explain the situation. The picture was one of me, around eight months pregnant, my head bent over a text book as I chewed on a pencil, one of my hands resting on my enlarged abdomen.
Skylar giggled. “You were fat, Mama.” I was just close enough to her for Joe to hear the comment and he burst into a roar of laughter. Julie didn’t laugh, but instead turned her twinkling eyes on me, her gaze questioning, obviously curious about Nick’s whereabouts.
Rather than answer her, I turned and walked away, curling up on the couch, just out of Skylar’s earshot. “What are you guys planning to do tomorrow?” The picture had caused a lump in my throat as I realized how lucky I had been to witness Skylar growing up and the thought had occurred to me that Nick had missed it all, and would continue to go on, clueless, if I didn’t intervene.
“…I’m not sure.” Joe sounded stunned, not that I could blame him—seconds ago I’d been furious, now I wanted to see them. “Um, I could go ask.”
I quickly dismissed that idea. “No, he’ll be suspicious.” I paused, quickly battling my inner emotions. “No, ask him.”
“Okay.” Joe sighed, but I had already changed my mind.
“NO, DON’T.” I jumped in quickly, Julie rolling her eyes in my general direction, knowing my indecisive nature.
Joe groaned in frustration. “Allison…”
“Don’t.” I said firmly, my decision staying firm. “Don’t ask him, I’m not ready.”
“Please, Alls.” He pulled my nickname out pleadingly. “Make up your mind!”
I sighed, my brain whirring agitatedly. “You’re annoying when you whine, Joseph.” He laughed, then stayed silent, both of us holding our breath as I heard Nick in the background.
“Okay, fess up Joe. What are we doing here?” His voice was like bait, somehow pulling me toward what I was avoiding.
I took a deep breath, the rush of oxygen helping to organize my thoughts. “Joe, pass the phone over.” My mind was reeling, what the heck had I just done? When I got no response, I repeated myself, harsher this time. “Joseph, pass the phone, now.” I heard a muttered oath and a mumble about ‘crazy ex-girlfriends’. Stifling the Miranda Lambert song that instantly sprang to mind (Julie and I were both country music junkies and controlled the radio around the clinic), I waited for Nick to get on the line. I heard the muffled sounds of conversation and all of a sudden I could hear heavy, nervous, breathing on the other end.
“Hello?” His voice still took my breath away. It was musical, soft, and hesitant, the velvet tone instantly melting my heart. As I raced to form some suitable answer, I heard a door slam. “Allie?”
“Hey Nick.” I whispered the words, but judging from the hitch in his breath, he had heard me. I could just tell that he was remembering the same thing I was: the last time we had seen each other. My daughter in the other room seemed to draw my attention, at least, more than usual. At the same time a significant weight seemed to be pressing down on my chest and it was a vicious struggle to draw air.
Nick broke the silence quietly. “How have you been?” He was cautious, but I had expected something like that; after all, nearly six years separated our conversations.
“I’ve been good.” I searched for a gentle way to bring Skylar into the conversation. “Um, I graduated and Julie and I now have our own practice.”
He sounded relieved that we had something to talk about. “Wow…I’m sorry I missed your graduation, but that’s awesome!” An uncomfortable silence followed.
“So, um…how’s Denise?” I winced. I had always been closer to Nick’s mother than my own (who had disowned me after Skylar was born) and the memory of how I had unceremoniously dumped them was still painful to remember.
I could hear Nick’s smile through the phone. “She’s good.” He laughed and the sound was a welcome one. “She’s mad at Frankie,” he paused, “or Nate, as we’re supposed to refer to him now.”
“Frankie’s now ‘Nate’?!” I broke in incredulously, my amazement showing through.
“Yeah, apparently ‘Frankie’ was too immature for him now that he’s 20.” The news that Frankie –ahem, Nate- was 20 didn’t surprise me, but I was surprised over the name change.
I laughed. “Wow, wasn’t he 9 yesterday?”
“I wish.” Nick sounded proud of his little brother and I remembered again how close the four were and a guilty pain shot through me as I realized how I had divided them: Secret-keepers vs. the Clueless.
“Hey, um, listen,” crap; the uncomfortable tension was back again, “we need to talk.” I broached the subject cautiously and heard the sounds of Nick settling down into a chair and pictured him, unable to stop myself. I knew that if he were really serious he’d be sitting with one leg tucked under him as the other one was slung over the left arm of the chair.
“Go.” His voice was comfortable and relaxed.
I took a deep breath, mentally praying. I don’t know if this is the right way to this, but it’s the only way I know. “We need to talk.”
“I know.” He sounded confused now, but I couldn’t blame him—I was confusing myself.
“No, Nick, I mean face to face…can we do it tonight?”
“Face to face…” his voice trailed off. “Tonight, Allie,” he hesitated and I was holding my breath, afraid he’d say no. “Um, wow…this is important, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s really important.” I agreed softly, waving goodbye to Julie as the office pager went off, al.erting her to another emergency. “And it really needs to be tonight.” Or I’ll lose my nerve, I added silently.
He paused and I heard a muffled conversation taking place. “Um, where do you want to meet?”
I glanced self-consciously around my house. “Well, my house is kind of a wreck since I’ve been on-call a lot, but you guys are welcome to come over.”
“Are there any parks or anything where we could go? You sound kinda swamped.” And that, ladies and gentlemen, was exactly why I loved Nick Jonas, okay, that and he could seriously kick butt on a guitar, but other than that, he was so attentive that he heard the hesitation in my voice when I was offering.
“Yeah, a park would be awesome.” I didn’t give audio to the other thought that was running through my head: it’ll also keep Skylar entertained.
“Cool.” He sounded…relieved, maybe; excited, definitely. He wasn’t alone; my pulse was racing at the thought of seeing him, at the thought of Skylar seeing him. I was shaking with nervous energy and my voice shook along with me as I named a park close to us and we agreed to meet in an hour and then possible dinner after that.
We were moving fast, way too fast for what I was about to spring on him. I was being unfair to him, but after all, what had the past six years been?
Guilt surrounded me in a dark cloud as I got ready, and then prepped Skylar as well, deciding that Barbie pajamas would not do. Taking a deep breath, I pulled out of our driveway, not quite ready to confront such a large part of my past.
Chapter 8
I held Skylar’s hand as she skipped across the playground, pulling me toward her favorite activity: the wondrous merry-go-round.
“I can only push you until my friend gets here.” I reminded her, as she hopped on the metal disk, making it wobble with the added weight.
She grinned at me. “Push fast.” My daughter’s love of speed was obviously inherited from her two eldest uncles, because intense speed and height were two of my greatest fears, but with Skylar I confronted them regularly. Both of us giggling crazily, I complied, jumping on beside her. As the toy spun, I pulled her into my lap, holding onto her tightly, her brown curls ensnaring my straight blonde hair. The dizzying disk slowed and Skylar stood up behind me, pushing her little hands into my back. “Again, Mama, again,” when I hesitated for a second too long, she became more insistent. “Mommy, we don’t have forever!”
“I’m going.” I murmured, my throat going dry as I saw a familiar figure standing on the other edge of the playground, watching us. I whispered a mix of curse words that would not have been suitable for my daughter to be in range of, but the situation demanded it. Skylar called to me through my bewildered haze and I robotically began to push the handle, sinking into a dazed rhythm as I ran around, lugging the metal behind me.
“Jump, Mama!” Skylar called as she became a blur. Trusting my timing, I leapt on, landing across from Skylar. She turned to grin at me, her brown hair blowing backwards, creating sort of a cape effect and she cried something to me, but the wind snatched her words. As the merry-go-round slowed, I jumped off and waiting for it to come to a complete stop, my eyes falling to the person standing across from me, several steps closer.
Skylar tried to copy me, leaping off as the toy was still slowing, but her leg got caught, twisted around one of the bars. I let out a terrified shriek as she spun around, her head colliding with the thick metal. She screamed loudly and I could see blood already. Something inside me kicked into emergency mode and I almost leapt over the fixture in desperation to reach my daughter. Somehow I managed to reach her, pulling her onto the ground, moving her as little as possible. I recalled my brief period in college when we had to undergo several clas.ses in human medicine and attempted to repeat what I had retained from the course. She was sobbing by now, her tears mixing with the blood that seemed to be flowing from her nose. I pulled off the light sweater around my waist, mopping her cheeks gently. By this time, I was crying as well and was struggling to keep my hands from shaking. Suddenly, calloused hands grabbed the material from my loose grip and Nick began cleaning my daughter’s face, with gentle collection that I desperately envied. Pulling myself under control, I looked at Skylar’s leg, the one that had been caught around the metal. It was lying at a funny angle, too crooked to be normal.
Cursing fluently, I pulled her jeans up past her knee, gently running my fingers over her tibia, wincing in sympathy as the broken bone clearly showed under the skin. Skylar almost pa.sse