Ok...so this is my first fan fic....and it's not even a real fiction....this is just my story....It doesn't start out with the Jonas Brothers....but I'll get to that...ok, here we go...

Chapter 1

I remember stepping out of the car on just a regular day of my freshman year of high school. No big deal, just another boring day filled with teachers teaching and mean girls mocking. It was nothing new.

That day was the first day I saw Paxton. I remember wondering Is he new? Who is he? I knew one thing for sure....he IS cute! He was a little taller than me with hazel eyes, blonde hair that flipped to one side and a pretty smile. But what was he really like?

On my walk home from school I asked Kayla, "Who is he?" " have no clue...why?" she replied. "Well, he's cute," I said casually. We'd been talking about boys all day and none of them had caught my eye...but this one....

Later that day I went to the first try-out for my school upcoming play The Twelve Dancing Princesses. I'd never been in a play before and it sounded fun. So I talked to the director, Mrs. Holt, she told me that I needed to sing (eek), try on the costumes, and do my speaking try-out...all in one practice. So I took off with the song and did wonderful! I'd never sang a solo before and I did fine.

Then, I started trying on costumes. I started with a pretty pink one with golden accents and poofy sleeves. It fit me perfectly. When I walked out to show Mrs. Holt, I stopped dead in my tracks...I saw him...AGAIN! I shook it off, showed Mrs. Holt and went back in the dressing room.

After modeling all of the dresses (there were like 20) I walked back out to do my speaking try-out. They were busy working with the boys on singing, so I went out in the hall...and there he was...

"Hi, I'm Buddie" I said kinda quietly. "Hey, I'm Paxton," he replied. This was all he said, someone called him inside to sing. The rest of practice went perfectly. I did great, for a beginner. The cast was to be posted the next day.

*****

I was Princess October in the play (aka...the prankster :P) and I got to wear the pink and gold dress...just like I wanted. I learned a lot about Paxton at play practice. He was a skater, but he didn't think he was any good. He sure was a lady's man...still is, many girls gave him attention, and I had to fight just to make myself stand out. He was the kind of guy that liked danger....so then I knew what I had to be...dangerous.

Everyone was aware of my crush on Paxton...even Kelsie. Kelsie is the school's flirt...ok so I would use different words...but I don't talk like that anymore. She became one of my close friends durnig that time. And she wanted to hook me and Paxton up. She said we'd be perfect for each other.

So I became exactly what I thought Paxton wanted...a bad girl. I started to swear and say things that were rude and uncalled for. I knew my parents couldn't be proud of me...I wasn't proud of me, but I had to change to get what I wanted.

After a few weeks of playing the bad girl part...doing what I thought I could to win Paxton's heart, I finally got some one on one time, which I needed. We were at play practice, and my prince wasn't there for me to dance with....so I got to dance with Paxton. We spent the night laughing and talking as we danced, it was like a dream come true.

I was going to get a ride home that night, but I saw that Paxton was walking, so I walked with. His brother Nathan got a little flirty with some of the girls, and Paxton started to do the same with me. He put is arm around my shoulder, and I put mine around his shoulder. When we got to his house, he offered to walk me the rest of the way home.

By this time, we were holding hands. Both of us were kind of quiet, and he finally broke the silence, "You like me don't you." "Yeah, kinda," I replied. "Kinda," he said, "Isn't it all or nothing?" "Well, I just didn't think you'd pick me, so I'm not getting my hopes up," I said. He looked confused, "Pick you? Just because there's other girls doesn't mean I won't pick you." "I know," I replied. By this time we were to my house, "Just don't forget me." He smiled, wraped me in one of those killer hugs that he gives, and said, "I won't."

********

School the next day was boring. Nothing exciting happened, until lunch. I saw Kelsie talking to Paxton...a lot. Great, I thought Now they're probably gonna go out. So I went outside, to clear my head and so I didn't have to see them together.

The next thing I knew I saw Kelsie...with a wide, bright smile...screaming "Buddie, Buddie, come here"...........

Thanks Rinna...nice siggys btw!

Ok...next chapter....

Chapter 2

"Hey Kelsie...so what's up?" I asked. Very loud and bubbly she replied, "You and Paxton are going out now!!!" "What?" I said....I hadn't even asked her to ask him for me... "Yeah, I talked to him, and now you guys are together," she smiled. "Um...ok," I replied...this was cool...very cool....but still a little weird.

I went back inside...or should I say Kelsie dragged me...and saw Paxton. As cute as ever, he walked up to me, grabbed my hand and pulled me over to talk to the rest of my "friends". A few minutes later the bell rang. "See you later," he smiled an gave me a hug.

In PE that day we had to run the mile...I hate running...I'd rather do anything...but run. So I ran the mile, with a frown, and was late to my seventh hour.

By the end of the day, everyone knew about me and Paxton (our school only has 250 students...word travels fast). I was getting glares from the other girls...but it didn't matter, because I had won him...or so...I thought.

After school I met Paxton at his locker and we walked home together. He pulled me along and we walked, in an awkward silence. Finally, I broke th silence, he had on a Red Socks shirt, "So you like the Red Socks?" He smiled, "Yeah, pretty much, they're awesome." "Well," I smiled, "I'm an Yankee's fan." "Oh, well, I don't know if this is going to work then," he laughed. I smiled, "I think we can make an exception." By this time we were to the turn where we had to split. "I'll see you at practice tonight," he said, hugging me tight. "No you won't," I replied, "I'm going to the temple for church to do baptisms for the dead." (In the LDS church we do work for the dead because they can't do it for themselves, and I was going with my youth group to be baptised for some people). "Oh, ok, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," he said walking away. "Yeah, bye" I said.

Baptisms for the dead was different, many of the girls who also went, liked Paxton and were jealous. What happened with him, I don't know....I still don't know what happened...all I know is that Kelsie and a mean girl, Melanie had something to do with it.

*******

I didn't talk to Paxton until lunch that day. He wasn't mad at me, we just didn't have any cl*CENSORED* together. "Hey," he said when he met me in the lunch line. "Hey," I smiled back at him. "I can't do this," he said, "I'd rather just be friends." My heart sank. A million questions ran through my head, but I kept my cool. "Oh, ok...friends," I said trying to hide my unhappiness.

What made Paxton do that, I don't know...maybe it was Kelise, maybe it was Melanie and her friends...but at the time...I thought it was me. Yet, now I know all of this had to happen....

I walked home alone that day...sulking...then up ahead I saw Paxton......with Melanie. Just then, he kissed her. Then he started walking off with her...towards her house. I started to cry...just a little bit, but I though this was all my fault.

When I got home I chucked my backpack across the room, grabbed my Ipod and let the voices drown out my pain..."I told you I made dinner plans...for you and me and no one else..." When I had settled down I knew that it was me...or I felt like it was...and I was going to fix it.

That night at play practice...Melanie was there...I sat alone, did everything...alone. By this time Kayla, who had a small part in the play, was trying to cheer me up. It didn't work...it wasn't until Austin came up to me. He was one of many of my crushes at the time...he had a medium length black shag covering his amazing green eyes. "Hey Buddie, Paxton told me what happened, I'm so sorry," he said. "Yeah, well, obviously he really didn't think as highly of me as I thought he had," I slumped in my chair. "Well, you're a pretty girl, you'll find someone," he smiled at me. Then it hit me....I didn't need Paxton who was willing to shove his tounge in another girl's mouth...there was always Austin....but really....all that I was missing were the three boys that were stuck to the back of my bedroom door....

Yeah...and to think all of this actually happened...it gets worse...but not in this chapter...it gets better...ahh this one is short...but it kinda has to be because the next one is long...

Chapter 3

So...I figured...what the heck! Paxton isn't worth it my time! Austin's the guys for me (I know...stupid...but that's pretty much what happened).

So I spent the next umm...month I think...trying to be "Austin's Girl". He was a sweetheart...he had a dirty mind...and liked bad girls...but those eyes were too cute to pass up...so I changed...again.

At leat Austin was honest. He flat out told me he didn't like me...unlike Paxton. He made me feel like...ok, friends really is cool. You know, I shouldn't have to change for a boy. So Austin and I became good friends. Just Friends!

When the play started to come to a conclusion I found out about what Melanie and Paxton where really up to...Melanie was only pretending to go out with Paxton because he wanted to get rid of me. And Kelsie and forced him into going out with me...for something...but I still don't know what.

The night I found out was the night that I told Paxton that I still liked him...because I did...a lot...maybe more than I should. And he told me that it would never work out....I should have known I thought at first....but then...later that night...I realized something.

I had changed...a lot. I never used to fight with my parents except for the occansional fight, now I was constantly arguing with them. I never used to swear either...and I had a gutter mouth like no one would believe. I used to be a good girl...and that good girl was still inside me...waiting...wanting to break through that bad girl shell and show my true colors.

So, that's what I did. I slowly stopped swearing. And I started trying to see my parents side. I grew closer to my family and the ones I loved. Mostly though...it was the Jonas Brothers that got me through. They helped me know that I am what I am...and I can't change for anyone...it's not worth loosing yourself for someone else...

*******

On October 27, 2007...my first concert happened. And it just so happened to be a Jonas Brothers concert :P. I didn't get to meet them...but it was amazing! It was one of the best days of my life. I can still remember exactly how everything happened...about how I cried when I first saw them...and how I didn't want them to leave...

******

As I started to find the real me again...I lost a lot of things...one of them being my friend Kayla. We were still close, but she was still wild. And I wasn't...we didn't really grow apart until after Christmas break. I was finding myself again...no more swearing...back to the occasional tiff with my parents...no more changing...I was back to the real Buddie...the one everyone loved.

Little did I know that on December 21, 2007...they day I got out for Chirstmas break...I would be tested...in one of the hardest ways possible.

Okay, next chapter...this one is hard...but, just you'll see....

Chapter 4

It was December 21st....the last day of school before Chirstmas break. My Aunt Mary, Uncle Randy, and my cousins Jamie and Ginger were visiting. They hadn't been here in like 3 years!! I was excited...The night before we went over and visited them. My Grandpa Buddy (who I'm named after) wasn't doing good. When he went to the doctor they found out something was wrong with his liver....but mom and dad wouldn't tell us what.

On the 21st after school...I expected it to be a fun day, it was almost Chirstmas, the snow was beautiful...and my mom came to pick me up. This was weird, she usually didn't do this.

After we got home, I remember the conversation, "Buddie, Nicholas, come here, we need to talk to you," my mom said as we towards our bedrooms. We both flopped down on the couches and I could tell something was wrong. My dad barely got the words out, "This morning, papa passed away." I laid there, in shock...he was lying, I knew he was. Then the realization hit. My Papa Buddie, who I'd been named after, was gone....but not totally gone, because his spirit lived on.

*******

Lots of visitors came....and we tried to keep our heads up. My grandma was having a hard time...the first time we went over to her house afterwards Nicholas jus bawled and bawled in my dad's arms. I tried to be strong, and have fun with my cousins while they were here.

That night, I went home...and listened...to the music I loved, read my scripture, and fell asleep...in tears...I'm almost crying just typing this right now...

*******

The next day grandma realized that she needed some grocheries. So me, my mom, my Aunt Mary, Ginger, and Jamie, went shopping. It was in Wal-mart, in the toothpast aisle that I found out I was having my wisdom teeth out next weekend. What a Christmas vacation this was turning out to be.

We had a lot of fun, shopping and eating Taco Time sugar crustos until we should've popped! Still, the pain was there, but we were able to look past it, just for a little while.

*****

For Chirstmas, my cousins went up to see my Aunt Mary's mom. On Chirstmas eve...it was hard. We went to my grandma's and she opened her presents. When Nicholas gave grandma his gift, but couldn't give papa his it was hard....what was even harder...was still to come.

*******

The day of the funeral we all got dressed in our nicest black and headed to grandma's house. We went to the funeral...this being our first one, not know what it would be like, only knowing that we were to sing "Love One Another" with the rest of the grandchildren. Also, we knew my brother was to help carry the cascut and that my dad would talk.

The viewing was the hardest. No, the family Prayer was the hardest. Watching all of my family tell my papa goodbye and touch his cool forehead and say their last goodbye's was the worst. We all bawled and hugged each other...but us Bastians...we're strong....we made it through the day.

After the funeral we noticed my dad's new "anger problem" as my mom calls it. Our cat Tigger has digestive problems...and she uhhh...threw up on the carpet. My dad was really mad, and I later learned that he actually chased after her with a knife...yes, scary I know....but she's okay.

******

My Christmas break ended with me going to the dentist, them making me as loopy as a kite and having my wisdom teeth drilled out. Oh fun! I had only two days to recover after that, then it was back to school...little did I know that my dad's "anger problem" would be unleashed on me...on his birthday...

Sad, I almost cried...........................  ;(

But, it's great, PLEASE post more soon!

PMS!