TWILIGHT [a oneshot Joe songfic]

Note: A lot of my stories deal a bit with depression and finding ones self. Go ahead and read, but it may just be like all the others. :]

I thought that no one could save me.
Literally. I can't use that word enough. Literally.
Let me get my story straight.
I'm Natalie. A stubborn 17-year old who has too many personal issues to count.
I don't want your sympathy, and yet, you don't know that.
I don't want anyone to save me, because nobody can. GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
I'm a pessimist, so when you want me to be cheery, don't even bother.

Now, I've met a guy. A Joe if you will. No really, a Joe. His name is Joe Jonas, the famous 18-year old rockstar, and he's shown me that, deep down, I do want to be saved.
His choppy hair will turn your opinion onto the mode of "He doesn't care".
His colossal smile goes on for miles, and turns on that 100 Watt lamp in every room.
Those skinny jeans and good looks, with the mistaken personality, is what I want, but was too oblivious to realize.


I was stained, with a role, in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
And I always knew, what was right I just didn't know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight

There is no positive.
At first, keep it in mind.
We just happen to be neighbors, but he's homeschooled, and I'm a teenager attending the everyday chaotic world of public education. The drama, the romance, the tears, and the rage. Just turns out to be something that could earn Grammys, believe me.

And just like any other neighbor, he's gotta be the one to go, "Oh hey Nat!", "How was your day Nat?", like I've been his best friend.

And I regret ever ignoring him. But he carries faith and forgiveness and can see beyond the outside. Like he's paranormal and just by looking into my eyes, he can tell me everything I feel.

Vaguely do I remember how I let him into my life. Secretly he dug deep into my trainwreck of a soul and found the treasure, or that's what I'm guessing.

Vaguely do I remember ever giving him a chance to peel down my guard and enter through the door of my life.

How'd he even get here?

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight

OH THAT'S RIGHT.
Because he's nosy.
Right now, it's not such a bad thing.
But I'm stubborn remember.
It's coming back...

*Flashback*
I stomped off the bus in one of those moods, because I'm so sentimental and let every little word devour my confidence.
I stomp off in tears, words rushing through my head just like the sounds of a million flies. I get off, tread to my mailbox, and retrieve what is inside.
Like always, he comes out, as if he watches me.

"How's it going?" Joe yelled as he walked down.
And for the first time, I did let my guard down. Not for him to get in it, but long enough that he did.
"Joe?! You wanna know how it's going?" His eyes widened with the regret of being a sincere gentlemen.
"I-uh, just, wanted to, I was just..." he stammered.
"No Joe. Okay. You're just a nice guy who feels bad for the oh-so vulnerable girl, and you're just attracted to me and want to be my friend and laddee-daddee-dah!" His eyes glued widely, his expression confused.
"No, Nat, I'm just trying to be nice. Since when did I know you were vulnerable? Oh that's right, I didn't until you told me. I didn't know you were in such a bad mood. If you wanted to go off on me, I would've just left." I scratched a spot on the back of my head, dwelling on what I just did. Joe spun on his heel, heading back to his house without a word. Before I let him go in, it was my fault.
"Hey Joe!"
"What do you want?!" he snapped.
"Eh, well, you ever want to hang out sometime?" OH CRAP. What in God's precious name have I DONE? Yep, my fault, my guard was let down by me.
*End flashback*

Never cared never wanted
Never sought to see what flaunted
So on purpose so in my face Couldn't see beyond my own place
And it was so easy not to behold what I could hold
But you taught me I could change Whatever came within these shallow days

The past and the present, there is always a future.
What's with him? He's like a teacher. It's summer for goodness sakes.
He taught me the "meaning" of past, present, and future.
In ways unknown of course.
Because we all know that's Joe!

I told him of all the things I'd do, things I felt ashamed of myself for. He said they were just stupid little mistakes that I needed to let go.
Remember, that was the past.
He told me I could have a clean slate if I knew how to forget. Not to overdo it, but to forget.
So I did, and with that, I started each new day as best as I could. It worked out some, but not always.

And then there was the future. If next Monday I had a final, he told me that was the future and when it kept onto the present, that I should start to focus on it then.

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen

I'm an optimist.
Hey, it's what he turned me into. Like a witch turns a person into a frog, he turned me into an optimist.
Because now when I dwell on things to do in the future, he gives me things to think about, think about what would happen if this, or that, and I make up my mind.
I'm learning to smell the roses and become observant. I'm learning to forget my mistakes and grab onto the sweet taste of "opportunity".
I'm learning to gain confidence when people bring me down.
Overall...
I'm learning to fly with my own wings, and become independent.

As the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead
It fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead and
I didn't know that I could be so blind to all that is so real
But as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed

GONE.
1st base.
Back to where I started.
"Land on "Go"".
The starting line.
WHY?
Because he's gone.

Yep, he's gone. Some band, some tour, some contract, and 2 years. He's gone. Yep, he'll get a girlfriend. It's Joe. He'll become famous. It's Joe. He'll have little Joe Jonases, because it's Joe.
Please, please tell me, when will he come back?
With every second he's gone, the negativity digs deeper. Like I said, I can't save myself, only he can. He's got some key.

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight

Just as I predicted.
He's gone. He has been.
His fame, it's out there.
And he'll never be back. Never.
Tell me this is a dream.

I was stained, by a role, in a day not my own
But as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown
And I always knew, what was right
I just didn't know that I might
Peel away and choose to see with such a different sight

Don't say I didn't tell you so.
Because I did. And now Joe is married with his kids, and I am nothing. Doing my best to survive this hectic world, doing my best to get by.
It's not working for me. I need him back. I'm destroying myself over him. But it's because I look at the sun as a figment of my imagination.
It wouldn't be this way if he were still here.

I feel worthless. I feel like crying, taking out the pain, becoming into control. I feel the need to hide, I'll bet he doesn't. He's out there all high and mighty as I am where I was a few years ago.

I guess I'm just sitting on my heartache, waiting for some beautiful boy to save me from my old ways.

And I will never see the sky the same way and
I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and
I will never cease to fly if held down and
I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen, twilight

AW,

Malou & Linz, you're so nice. :]

I left you speechless Malou? This one-shot must be better than what I thought.

Linz, I love the song too. I'm glad my friend introduced the song to me. :] But little did I know, I already had it on CD.

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