Okay, here's an update! Thanks for reading and commenting on the previous two, and please let me know what you think of this one!
I stumbled into the car, walked quickly across to one of the many empty seats on the right side, and sat down. “Thanks,” I said a little resentfully to the man who’d so kindly let me board. I wiped at my face self-consciously and sniffled, feeling the eyes of everyone in the car on me as the train lurched into motion. When I’d taken a few deep breaths, I cautiously shot my eyes over to glance at my fellow passengers. I’d figured they were important people of some sort—the man blocking my path was probably a bodyguard—so I was kind of curious to see if I knew who they were.
I made eye contact with a pair of dark, well-shaped eyes. Crud, I did know who it was. I was sharing a subway car with the Jonas Brothers. All three of them. And the one that always stands in the middle was staring at me. Was that Nick, maybe? I had no idea. I could almost hear all those stupid girls at school screaming their heads off if I told them about this. They’d be so jealous, and ask questions like “Did you TOUCH them??!” If I got an autograph, I could sell it to them for more than a scrap of paper should ever be worth.
I stared at the map on the opposite overhang as we jolted and rattled along in silence. We stopped to let more people on… in the bodyguard’s case, to not let people on, and the train picked up speed again. I started watching the tunnel walls whizzing by. Why did you do it? Would I dare ask him that question? Could I have said something, done something that would have changed it? What would it be like to talk to someone who…
I was jolted from my reverie by that Jonas dude standing up, staggering over, and sitting down right next to me.
“Hey,” he said, smiling a really self-conscious smile that gave me the impression that he thought I knew who he was. I hate it when people make assumptions like that.
“Hi,” I said, as if he was just some random guy. I smiled politely and then pretended to look at the map again.
There was a silence. I hoped it was awkward for him. Then he said, leaning out a little in an attempt to meet my eyes, “Hey, if you don’t mind my asking—and if you do, that’s cool, you just be like, ‘hey, man, that’s way too personal,’ you know, and I’ll just be like, ‘hey, that’s cool’…”
I had turned to look at him by this point, amazed and amused at how he could manage to ramble so badly and still remember what he was talking about. He stopped when we made eye contact and laughed nervously. “Right, anyway,” he said. “I heard you say you had to go to the hospital, and you looked kinda, you know, upset. What’s going on?”
Part of me wanted to glare him down and ask, Do you actually want to know? But I made myself be nice and spoke softly. “A friend of mine attempted suicide today. He tried to kill himself and now he’s in the hospital… asking for me. For some reason.”
His face had gone very shocked and serious. “Oh… that’s…that’s rough. I’m sorry.”
I was about to say something like, “Thanks,” and end it there, but instead I searched this stranger’s familiar eyes, looking for some kind of understanding… and , surprisingly, I found it. Before I knew it I was saying, " It’s like, what do you say to a person who tried to leave you and the rest of the world behind? How can you understand their pain, when it was you that they would have hurt the most? How do you... how do you heal a wound that deep?”
Nice going, there, Rae, I thought to myself. Just spill your guts to this guy who probably wishes he'd never asked...
