These Words Were Never Easier For Me To Say. (Joe Jonas) - Fan Fiction

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Forum Jonas Brothers Fan Fiction These Words Were Never Easier For Me To Say. (Joe Jonas)

6/7/2008 4:21 AM

	Shootthepirate
2 posts

These Words Were Never Easier For Me To Say. (Joe Jonas)

This story is not written by me.
I found a while ago and it's one of my faves.
You guys better have a box of tissues nearby.
I was bawling by the 5th chapter.

"Yo, what's cracking, fellas and bellas, this is Joe Jonas or DJ Danger and I'm not here at the tellie-phone right now but--"

I groaned and sighed as I hung up at my phone. Nine times I have called Joe to come on our first date. Of course, being now famous, he probably had something much more important to do. He always ignored me when his brothers were around because I've found that they don't like me very much. And ever since he has become famous, it's like I don't even exsist anymore. We make plans, of course alone when his brothers aren't around, and then I go there and I end up sitting there, lonely and worried and scared of losing him. He never answers my calls and I can't even say anything because...Well, I love him.

Espesically lately with my parents getting a divorce, I've been so lonely. You would think Joe would at least try to awknowledge that. But no, being famous and everything is much more important than my feelings. I never wanted to come between him and his career and espesically his brothers. I never had any intention. Somehow, Kevin and Nick just hate me and are always calling me names. And the worst thing is, that really tears me apart and makes me want to cry, is that Joe never stands up for me. What did I do wrong?

I felt tears come to my eyes as it started to rain as I waited for our table outside. The manager came out and looked at me. "Sorry, but your reservation was for 7:00 and it's almost ten. We have to cancel it," they said. My heart sank as I nodded, my eyes filling with tears. "Sorry and thank you," I said, softly. The manager smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Didn't show, huh?" she asked, knowing I must of been stood up again by Joe. I nodded and smiled, softly as a tear streamed down my face and shrugged. "It's all right. I'll be fine." I said as lightning lit up the sky and thunder roared and the rain pelted to the ground.

"Are you sure? It's pouring out here! Why don't I call you a cab?" she asked. "No, thank you, I promise I'll be fine. Thank you again!" I said, leaving the resturant as I pulled my jacket closer to me. I was all dressed up, in my white, silky dress and I did my hair extra careful today and it looked pretty and curly. I wanted Joe to see it and I wanted him to be here. This has got be at least the tenth time he has done this to me and I just let him do it. I love him too much to say anything.

I was crying my eyes out on my bed, being disppointed so much. I wondered what I ever did wrong to Joe. He just never...thought about me or cared. It makes me wonder if he even likes me anymore. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Joe's number again. I tried to desperately stop crying as someone picked up. "Hello?" they asked. It was a girl's voice and it was definiately not Joe's voice either. In the background, I heard wild dancing and music. "Um, who is this?" I asked. I heard them scoff.

"This is Miley Cyrus, who is this?!" she demanded. "Um, Emma Goeller, Joe's girlfriend. Could you...Do you know where Joe is? Jonas--Joe Jonas?" I asked. "Hah! So you're the spoiled, little princess Nick and Kevin have been talking about you! Hah! Joe doesn't want to talk to you, he is at a party!" she exclaimed. My heart was nearly in pieces.

"Oh, yeah, and he is dancing with Jessica Alba right now. Yeah, they look like they're having a mighty fine time too. Looks like he doesn't need someone like you dragging him down and he said that and everyone agrees, so why don't you leave us alone?!" she shouted into the phone. Her words stung. My lip quivered. "He..said that?" I said, a tear streaming down my face.

"He is always saying that! You drag him down! Build a bridge, honey, and get over him! He thinks you're a spoiled, little princess who can't talk no as an answer!" she exclaimed. I closed my eyes, my lip quivering again as I heard Joe in the background go, "Jessica, work it, baby! Work it!" I knew it had to be true. I closed my eyes as I shut my phone, tears streaming down my face as I whimpered. Joe hates me? And I love him.

"Emma, get out of here! Now! God, we don't want you here!" yelled my dad as I stormed out of my house. Same old story. Same old morning. My dad kicking me out and my mom too scared to say anything to that affect. I just sighed, used to it by now as I trudged to school, knowing I had to face Joe. School was horrible too because he also ignored me. I kinda developed the reputation over the years to be known as the bookworm geek and Joe is considered the complete oppisote. The funny, cute and adoreable hottie. Also, being a famous rockstar might also be a tip-off to the popularity factor too. So, once again, he ignored me and hung around the popular kids.

I saw him, hanging at the senior entrance. I took a deep breath and approached him. "Hey, Joe." I said, softly. The group of popular kids he was around gave me all this really snobby and disdainful look, like I was scum on their hundred dollar shoes or something. Joe looked at me, rolling his eyes. "Why do you insist on talking to me?" he asked. I knew Joe wasn't like that. He really isn't the conceited guy that he comes off as. His words hurt me though, but I was used to them.

"Could I..talk to you for a second?" I asked. Joe rolled his eyes and groaned. "If we must," he said. We headed over by a couple of trees. I faced him, blinking rapidly to hide the tears in the back of my eyes. I couldn't help but feel so hurt when I looked at him. All the things he has done to me, but I wasn't angry. I could never be angry. He crossed his arms, bored and sighed. "What?" he asked, annoyed. "I thought we were suppose to make plans last night. I...I made the reservations and everything and you didn't show. I...I waited for three hours for you," I said. Joe scoffed a little. "I forgot, okay?! I had a party and I wanted to go and I did!" he exclaimed angrily at me.

I nodded, looking at the ground. "But...I didn't know where you were...I was so wor--" "God, who are you, my mother?! I was fine, Emma! This is like the first time I blew you off and if you want, we'll hang tomorrow if I'm not busy. Being a rockstar is not all fun and games and you act like it is!" he basically yelled at me. I was still looking at the ground, swallowing hard. "Okay," I said, quietly.

"God, this isn't going to work if you don't stop being so selfish," he said. I nodded. "Okay...Sorry.." I said, softly. Joe then smiled, kissing my cheek quickly before leaving as the bell rang for class to begin. I was the one apologizing. I was the one who apologized when he blew me out a million times and never bothered to call me about it. I was the one apologizing when he left me home so many nights, crying my eyes out for him. I wasn't the one partying last night with Jessica Alba. And yet, I was the one who apologized.

I walked over to Joe's after school. I knocked on the door as Mrs.Jonas answered it. She smiled at me, letting me in. "Come in, come in, sweetheart. Joe will be ready in a few minutes. Sit, please." she offered. I smiled and nodded, sitting down on their couch. "Who was at the--" Nick came out into the hallway and then he saw me and glared. "Oh, it's you." he said, rolling his eyes at me. I

just looked to the ground. "Nick, don't," said Mrs.Jonas. Nic just rolled his eyes slightly before sitting down on the other couch across from me. Suddenly, something went off in the kitchen. "I'll be right back." she said before leaving, casting Nick a look that told him to be nice to me. Nick rolled his eyes again and glared at me, his arms crossed over his chest.

"So, come to ruin my brother's life more?" he asked. I looked to the floor, nodding my head. "No.." I said, softly. "Because that's all you do! You ruin his life! No one wants you around anymore because you know what?! You're just some stupid, clingy, spoiled little shallow girl that hasn't got one clue of how to be a girlfriend! That's just obvious! Why don't you ever get it?! Don't you know when you're not wanted?!" Nick spat at me. I just sat there taking it.

"You always are around him or calling him! JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE! YOU AREN'T GOING TO COME BETWEEN ME OR MY BROTHER OR KEVIN! AND KEVIN AND BOTH KNOW THAT! I WISH JOE DID, SO HE COULD REALLY SEE WHAT A WORTHLESS, SHALLOW AND UGLY DISGRACE YOU ARE!" he screamed at me. "NICHOLAS JERRY JONAS!" yelled Mrs.Jonas, coming into the livingroom. I was just sitting there, looking at the ground. "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?! DON'T YOU TALK?!" Nick yelled again.

"NICHOLAS JONAS, UPSTAIRS, NOW!" yelled Mrs.Jonas at him. Nick just glared at me before hurrying upstairs. Joe came down, just as Nick went up. "Hey, what's with all the yelling?" he asked. I looked up, my brown eyes a little teary. "Oh, Emma, I am so sorry about Nick. So, so sorry!" she apologized, sincerely. I tried to smile and nodded. Joe looked at his mom. "What happened?" he asked. "Your brother...Your brother was yelling at Emma. I don't know what has gotten into that boy lately!" she exclaimed. Joe looked at me on the couch.

There was a difference, you see, of how he looked at me, I have noticed. Whenever we went out sometimes, when he saw other girls, his brown, bright eyes lit up completely. They were filled with happiness and love and all that amazing good stuff. When he looked at me, his eyes showed...embarassment. Disppointment, sadness and just...annoyance. Almost as if he was embarassed to be seen with me. That was what hurt the most. That look in his eyes. And to know, whenever I look at him, my eyes just light up and I feel so happy, but whenever he looks at me, he hates me.

"Come on, let's go," he said, kinda annoyed again. I got up, getting my jacket on and leaving with Joe. We stood on the porch. "So..." I said, quietly. "Why do you think I like you?" Joe asked. I looked at him. "I...I don't--" "Because I don't, Emma. I don't and why do you always have to make it about you? You never care about me anymore and...I think it's time I've moved on and found someone who actually cares about me," Joe said. My heart sank. I felt like I should be saying those exact words. Why did I ever do to him? I was the one who was constantly being left out in the cold by him and insulted and...destroyed by him. Each day. He made me feel so...So...miserable. But I couldn't help it. I love him. And he hates me.

"But...Joe, no...Please...I'll do anything, don't...Joe!" I exclaimed, tears starting to stream down my face. I would do anything to not lose him. Finally, all my emotions just...I didn't know what to do and they just built up, like an emotion of wave.

"WHAT DID I DO, JOE?! WHAT DID I DO?! ALL I EVER DID WAS MAKE RESERVATIONS FOR US AND BE THERE FOR YOU, BUT YOU LEAVE ME OUT IN THE COLD! AND WHY IS IT YOU NEVER LOOK AT ME THE WAY YOU LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS AND WHY IS IT THAT YOU NEVER CALL ME BACK WHEN I LEAVE YOU A MESSAGE AND...AND WHY DON'T YOU EVER LET ME INTO YOUR GROUP DURING SCHOOL, INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN OF ME ALL THE TIME?! AND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LET NICK AND KEVIN YELL AT ME AND YOU NEVER STAND UP FOR ME?! AND WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS BLAMING ME FOR THINGS I DON'T DO! AND WHY, JOE, WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE STANDING OUT IN THE RAIN, IN MY BEST DRESS, MY EXCITEMENT TRASHED BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GUNNA BE THERE! WHAT DID I DO?!" I screamed at him, crying hysterically.

Joe looked taken back, but his face was mixed with shock and realization. "And..And why is it everytime..I say I love you to you...You...You never say it back?" I stammered, still crying. Joe just stared at me. I stared at him, the tears falling rapidly from my eyes. "And you know that I don't do anything because...I love you!" I exclaimed. Joe just stared at me, blankly. I had no idea of what he was thinking while I just sobbed into my hands.

"Because I don't love you." I heard him say. I looked up, my heart bleeding and ripping away by each word he just told me. "Wh-what?" I stammered. Joe just looked at me. "I don't love you." he said. I heard a roar of thunder in the background as it started to rain. I sniffled and nodded, putting my hands in my pocket, leaving his porch. I was getting soaked while Joe stayed on his porch. I turned around, looking at him. "All you had to say was that." I said, quietly as tears streamed down my face. Instead of putting me through this, putting me through all this, he could of just said no.

"Mr.Jonas, do you actually want to flunk my class?" said an irriated Miss.Palladino. Joe, the seventeen boy who was gazing out the window, snapped out of it and looked at her. "Oh, sorry, Miss.Palladino," he said. "Yes, well, if you don't paying attention during my class, it's detention," she said. Joe groaned, seeming annoyed by this. He played with his pencil as Miss.Palladino went on and on talking about God knows what.

A week has past and he has yet to get her off his mind. He has tried absolutely everything: Going to more parties, hanging around his friends more and actually reading a book. Everything. Yet, he could not get her off his mind. The way he treated her, was something he could never forgive himself for and they both knew that. The way he talked down to her, the way he blew her off and the way he just treated it. Something was so unbelivably and horribly wrong about that and they both knew it. He has soon found out that he needed Emma. He needed her.

Emma Goeller was crossing the street, with a couple of her friends. She was laughing and smiling. Ever since last week, where Joe and her have decided to just leave each other alone, things for Emma just seemed to brighten. Her parents actually could stand in their presence now, she started to make more friends and she was actually a bit popular now.

She hasn't changed, no. If she has changed, it was for the better. Instead of being alone and scared and miserable all the time, she was more outgoing, confident and happier now. Joe was coming out of the high school, looking for his friends hanging around the steps. He saw them, smiling. Finally, he thought, a way to pass the time. He heaed over to them, reaching his hand up for high-fives. Instead of recieving them, like always, they just gave him the same disdainful face they gave Emma a week ago. Joe looked confused.

"What's up?" he asked, concerned. "What's up is that think you can just treat Emma like that," said one of his friends, Alex. Joe's eyes widened in disbelief as he clutched his fist. "You don't even know Emma and also, Alex, you said that you hated her a week ago!" he exclaimed. "Well, we know enough. Everyone knows how you treated her and you should be miserable without her," said Robby, his other friend and both of them walked away. Joe was in disbelief. He looked up, seeing Emma cross the street with her friends, laughing. He couldn't believe this. He was miserable and lonely without Emma and she was having the time of her life. How could this happen to him, the notorious Joe Jonas?!

Suddenly, he saw Emma fall in the middle of the street. A truck was coming so fast, so furiously, it would of never saw her. Joe's eyes widened as he wanted to move. The rest was like a dream. He felt himself wanting to go, save her and kiss her, tell her that he was so sorry for treating her the way he did. That he needed her more than she needed him and he never noticed that before. He wanted to apologize and tell her that he loved her because he did. He really loved her. But in that one moment, everyone's lives changed forever. The truck came, running on collision with Emma and everyone around it burst out in screams and cries. Joe's feet stayed planted on the ground. He felt as though he was dreaming and was floating on a cloud. No, he was the cloud and you didn't even exsist. You were just there for a moment of time and you couldn't control your body. He heard police cars, ambulances, people screaming and crying. Still, he just remained there, floating like in a dream, more in a trance than anything. he felt people trying to get his attention and realized it was the voices of his two brothers.

"JOE! JOE! JOE!" they yelled at him. No, he heard them, but he didn't hear them. That's hard to explain. Here, he heard them, but he couldn't comprehend anything that was going on right in that moment. It was like being there, at that moment in time, but not being there at all. He couldn't paste together what happened, he didn't want to believe it.

He then found himself in a moving car, where outside was choas with high school kids, crying and screaming. He just sat there as his parents and brothers were frantically trying to get his attention or talking frantically about something or other; he didn't understand them. His brown eyes were lifeless and dead. They had lost the sparkle. He found himself again running down a hallway and he felt wetness. He didn't know what it was until he realized he was crying. The docter came out, looking sad and crying himself and those words seemed to come out so slowly out of his mouh, that it felt like it was all just a simple, miserable dream.

"I'm sorry, we couldn't help her...She's gone."

"WHAT DID I DO, JOE?! WHAT DID I DO?! ALL I EVER DID WAS MAKE RESERVATIONS FOR US AND BE THERE FOR YOU, BUT YOU LEAVE ME OUT IN THE COLD! AND WHY IS IT YOU NEVER LOOK AT ME THE WAY YOU LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS AND WHY IS IT THAT YOU NEVER CALL ME BACK WHEN I LEAVE YOU A MESSAGE AND...AND WHY DON'T YOU EVER LET ME INTO YOUR GROUP DURING SCHOOL, INSTEAD OF MAKING FUN OF ME ALL THE TIME?!"

Joe dropped to his knees, crying hysterically, feeling wetness stream down his face. The painful memories that Emma and him shared weren't even memories. They were painful displays of times where he had belittled her, made her feel bad, blew her off and now he finally got it. He never appreciated her, he never gave her the time of day, he was too wrapped up in his own whatever life. He had felt his heart being ripped out and the more he cried, the more he couldn't stop the flasbacks of painful, painful memories of how terrible he was.

AND WHY DO YOU ALWAYS LET NICK AND KEVIN YELL AT ME AND YOU NEVER STAND UP FOR ME?! AND WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS BLAMING ME FOR THINGS I DON'T DO!?

His mom helped him up, but Joe just wanted to stay there, on the hospital floor, bawling his eyes out, as if if he cried enough, his tears would be enough to bring Emma back. To bring her back, would be something he would give anything for. To just say sorry, to just say he never meant to hurt her and always loved her, even though he never showed it. He wanted to tell her he wasn't a perfect person, but that there was no excuse to treating her the way he did. He pulled his knees to his chest, sobbing and sobbing. He heard people trying to get through to him, but it was as if his mind had turned off. He was experencing, of course, an emotional breakdown, but he couldn't stop crying and pretty soon, he was shaking. The words he wanted to say to Emma were not hard to say, but then again, if they were so easy, why didn't he just tell her them before she died?

Joe sat in his room, 3 years later, streaming his guitar. He didn't want to do things anymore. The band had to do concerts without him. Nick had taken over lead vocals and Kevin tried to maintain everything else. All the fans were heart-broken for losing Joe, but he just didn't have the desire anymore. He mostly just hung around the house in his pajamas, since he graduated school 2 years ago. Days went by and soon, it would be Christmas. A hoilday once filled the Jonas house with fun and laughter, was now, for the past 3 years, filled with sorrow and even though they tried to make it a happy event, Joe refused to move from his room and rejoin the Christmas spirit. And a Christmas without Joe, tore them all apart.

Joe never talked unless forced and he was never the same Joe he was 3 years ago. He was miserable. The Joe that used to tell jokes, be the life of the entire party and have fun, was lost in a sea of misery that he expereniced and believed to be drowning in. His parents tried to make and go see someone about it, but Joe refused to go. Nick and Kevin were now closer than ever, considering they knew they both lost Joe. It was heart-breaking because Joe was suppose to be this huge rockstar and everything, but without Emma, he was miserable and completely gone. He hadn't spoken to anyone since the indincent, really, unless short, short sentences. No one knew what he was thinking half the time and many didn't bother to deal with it anymore. However, one night, when Nick got up to get a glass of water, he had a guitar playing and a soft, watery voice from their studio room downstairs. He went downstairs, sleepily, to see who it was. He saw Joe, streaming his acoustic, in his pajamas and on the couch, crying hysterically as he sang his own lyrics:

"Because these words were never easier
for me to say or her to second guess.
But I guess.
that I can live without you but
without you I'll be miserable at best..."

9/7/2008 8:20 PM

	Haylee
10 posts

Re: These Words Were Never Easier For Me To Say. (Joe Jonas)

this made me cry, and it was SO good!

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