Chapter 20
His pleading chestnut brown eyes were begging me to let him in, and I gave in. Stepping out of the doorway I let him walk right into my apartment. “Okay.” I breathed tensely. “Come on in.”
Letting him in my apartment, was practically letting him walk right back in my life, whilst I had tried so hard to block everything to do with ‘Jonas’ out. And that was tougher than you’d think; they were all over the magazines, TV commercials and radio not to forget the internet. Those boys - or should I say guys – were pretty much everywhere you went, no matter how you’d twist or turn it.
Closing the door behind him, I slowly sauntered over to the charcoal couch and sunk back down into it. Nick cautiously took a seat next to me, making a lump crawl up in my throat. “So have you been?” Nick asked in a quiet tone, I saw his eyes stray away from my appearance, seeing all the flowers he sent exhibited in large vases all over my apartment. I realized I wasn’t appropriately dressed for any visitors, but I couldn’t hurdle on back to my room and change now, could I?
“Well eh..” I began, trying to sound convincing but failing miserably. “The bruises are still here, and they hurt – but that’s what the painkillers are for. I’m doing pretty good I guess. “ I mumbled a bit whilst saying these things, I just didn’t know what he was expecting me to do. “Right now I’m actually typing up my advice column.” I stated in a slightly more cheerful tone, gesturing towards my MacBook settled down onto the coffee table placed in front of the couch. Nick’s eyes darted towards the MacBook, granting it a brief glance before returning to gaze at my figure. “You write an advice column?” I nodded my head in confirmation to his question.
A brief moment of silence lingered between our presence, making me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Either the curly headed musician read my mind or just read my body language, he broke the silence, thankfully. “Have you been getting any of my calls?” I could lie, and tell him I haven’t even checked my phone in days being caught up in work, but that wasn’t really an option for me. “Yes, I have.” I confirmed, nodding my head briskly hearing a vague sigh escape Nick’s lips.
“I’ve been thinking about you April, worried about you April.” Nick suddenly said, his hand slowly intertwining with mine, whilst he didn’t tear his eyes away from my face. I had trouble looking people in the eyes, especially when I felt uncomfortable; but for this one time I was pushing myself to the limit and keeping my eyes where they were; locked with Nick’s.
I felt like gagging, this milkshake of emotions was just a little too much for my taste. But seeking sanctuary in my apartment wasn’t going to make my troubles go away; hiding from the things I might actually be waiting and wishing for, wasn’t going to make things any better either. Maybe it was time for me to take a leap of faith.
“April?’ Nick’s voice cooed calmly, snapping me back to reality, away from the depths of my mind. “I know you have Nick, and I’m sorry for that.” I apologized sincerely, neither Nick nor Joe deserved the treatment I was giving them, my treatment was cruel, ignoring all their lovely gestures of affection. “Life’s been crazy, everything’s been crazy.” I defended, shaking my head quietly. “But that’s no excuse.” I admitted miserably, I could’ve called, I could’ve texted, heck a note would’ve done it, but no – I chose to just crawl back in my apartment and pretend I never met these Jonas boys, that I never took on a new client and was still avidly writing my weekly column whilst dealing with old clients who rang me up every now and then.
Nick raised his hand, resting his index finger of his free hand on my rose petal colored lips. I sighed, looking down at our hands intertwined, and my track suit – how could I forget. “You don’t have to say anything.” Nick’s voice had gone to a whisper volume, confusing me a little as his head inched closer to mine as his hand trickled down my face to my shoulder as he gently brought me closer to his body. “Nick-.” I began, trying to bring up an excuse to prevent from what I speculated would be happening, but I was cut off, by the sensational feeling of his lips tenderly crashing down on mine. Fighting every muscle in my body with many protests to why this was wrong; Joe, Joe, Joe; my mind was screaming at me, but the screaming was numbed out by the way Nick let our intertwined hands slowly slide apart, hooking his arms around my waist.
Many bad things could become of this oh-so-harmless kiss, I was pretty aware of that whilst I still felt the electricity shooting back and forth between our locked lips whilst my hands had tangled up in his curly locks. Would Nick automatically assume I chose him over Joe now? And what was I going to do if he did? And what would he do if I told him I still hadn’t made up my mind. What if this was a horrible mistake.
Oh I should really shut up and just let go of my endless train of thought, right now.
--
I spent a long time without you, and I’m still doing everything I can just to not think about you. It’s not that I doubt you; if I found you I would let my thoughts surround you.
--
