Ack everyone, my apologies for this taking awhile to get posted. I had distractions -cough reading FF cough-. And watching my favorite teen drama, Degrassi. It took me forever to get the interaction between Joe and Kerralyn to work in this chapter and I still hate how parts of it came out. The reaction to what she wrote...argh, it just wouldn't work how it had in my mind. But I promise that the next chapter will be better.
Comments make me smile =]
--Lauren
You Save Me
Chapter 4
Dinner was a quiet affair, only the sounds of silverware scraping plates and the occasional ‘please pass the butter’ was heard. Kerralyn bit her lip and plastered a smile to her face, pretending that absolutely nothing was wrong. Even though it was the same old thing that it had been for as long as she could remember. The expectation to be perfect, just because her older sister Taylor was a medical school genius and that anything less than that just wasn’t good enough. She managed to swallow her last bite of food and rinsed her plate off before realizing that it wasn’t her night to clean up the kitchen. She brushed past the table, sprinting into her room where she wouldn’t have to keep the mask in place.
Once there, she gave in to the free falling tears, pulling one of her textbooks out and a notebook to halfheartedly start working on her homework. Soft music came from her CD player while she yearned to just sit and write, write until the tears ran dry. Instead she forced herself to stare at the pages through blurry eyes, focusing on equations and grammar and terms that she needed to know. She stared but didn’t absorb any of it, eyes still teary and unfocused.
She went through her usual routine – homework, studying, shower, study for a little bit longer, then finally signing onto AIM. She stared idly at the computer screen, willing the clock to change faster. She turned out the light, feigning sleep just like she did every other night before grabbing her notebook and pulling her laptop onto the bed to wait. Words flowed from her pen filling up several pages to the point where she almost didn’t realized what time it was. 1:40. Kerralyn’s hands glided over the keys to sign into the AOL Music Chat. She waited, staring at the clock and trying not to be disappointed when he didn’t sign on.
DJ-Danger815: Music Note? Are you here?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I almost thought you weren’t going to get on.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: But…but I…
Kerralyn glanced up at the screen, unable to type what she wished she could.
DJ-Danger815: You’re glad I did aren’t you?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: After the day I had…most definitely. Even if you WERE driving me crazy last night.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Well this morning I guess.
DJ-Danger815: Why? What happened today?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Nothing.
DJ-Danger815: Not nothing. What happened?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Just…stuff.
Joe sensed that she didn’t want to talk about it and stopped pressing her, not wanting to scare her off. So he did what any guy should do. He let her know that he was there for her to talk to. Just in case.
DJ-Danger815: Oh.
DJ-Danger815: If you want to talk…go ahead.
DJ-Danger815: I’ll listen.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I finished what I was writing at 2 o’clock this morning.
DJ-Danger815: Can I ask a question?
For the first time that day, Kerralyn half smiled, pretty sure she knew exactly what he was going to ask and typed out her response.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: As long as you’re not going to drive me crazy, Danger.
DJ-Danger815: Can I read it?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Um…sure
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I guess…if you really want to
DJ-Danger815: I most definitely want to.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: And you promise that you won’t make fun of me?
DJ-Danger815: I will never make fun of you, Music Note.
DJ-Danger815: Never, ever.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: O-ok.
DJ-Danger815: Hey, you ok?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Yeah…just, just read it ok?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Sobbing Princess
Everyday I wake up
And hide the tears behind the smile
Living on the quick replies
Oh nothing. I'm fine.
By day, I'm calm and collected
Perfectly holding everything together
By night, a sobbing princess
The pieces, shattering around me
Hiding the pain so easily behind a facade
That no one sees through
Never seeing past the forced happiness and laughter
Never questioning the silence
Only cracking in the darkness
where no one can ever see.
The mask crumbles, falls into the night
Losing its battle to the tears
DJ-Danger815: Wow.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Go ahead. Ask if there’s something wrong with me.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I know that’s what you’re thinking.
DJ-Danger815: Why would I think there’s something wrong with you?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: Because every other person that sees something I write seems to think there is.
DJ-Danger815: I think it’s amazing.
DJ-Danger815: Powerful.
DJ-Danger815: But…Music Note?
DJ-Danger815: What’s wrong?
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I knew it.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: There’s nothing wrong with me! I should have never sent that.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I should have never sent any of it.
Tears began to stream down Kerralyn’s face as she reread her own words, desperately wanting to take back each and every one of them so that no one would see them. The tears disappeared into her pillow as she let out a silent sob, momentarily forgetting the internet conversation that she was still having.
DJ-Danger815: Music Note…please…don’t regret it.
DJ-Danger815: Your writing is amazing.
DJ-Danger815: Just know that I’ll listen if you want to talk.
She finally rolled back over and glanced through teary eyes at the screen, hardly believing what he said.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: You wouldn’t want to.
xxAngelicMusicalNotexx: I promise you.
