so, I know that I have like, what, four fics? But as of right now, some of them; namely It Ends Tonight, are getting pushed to the back burner, because I've been working on this for so long, and inspiration hit me today. I suppose you could say this is a trial run, to see if the story is even going to pick up. Okay, so enjoy.
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Can't Have You
You warned me that you were gonna leave
Never thought you would really go
I was blind
Baby now I see
I broke your heart.
As the wind whipped around him, Nick pulled his jacket tighter around himself. It was the middle of November, and the leaves that remained on the trees were vibrant shades of red, orange, and yellow. Central Park had always been one of their favorite places to go when they had time together, especially in autumn. As another strong burst of wind rushed by, Nick’s scarf was torn from around his neck, fluttering away in the breeze. With a sigh, he broke into a light sprint in an attempt to catch the three-hundred dollar Burberry limited that she’d given him on his birthday.
Running out of breath, Nick stopped and placed his hands on his knees, breathing in short, exasperated puffs. A pair of hands appeared to him, wrapped around his Burberry scarf.
“Is this yours? It would be a shame if you lost it…that’s a limited. I bought one for my ex-boyfriend for his--” she said, stopping when Nick looked up at her.
Reaching out for his scarf, Nick hesitated when he saw the girl standing in front of him. Only in pictures and dreams had he seen her face lately, and he was caught off guard by the pair of hazel eyes staring back at him. He wrapped his hand around the scarf, his fingers accidentally grazing hers.
“Thanks, Brittany,” he said, wrapping the scarf back around his neck. “How uhm…how have you been?”
She looked at him cautiously, emotion draining from her eyes. “I’ve been fine.”
“That’s good,” he replied, feeling the tension between them. “We’re on a break right now…home until after the holidays…it feels great to have this time away; we’re going constantly now.”
Brittany pursed her lips and turned to walk away. “I didn’t ask how you were doing. But if you’ll excuse me, I need to be going.”
Her words struck him, and before Nick could say anything else, she was moving in the other direction, walking out of his life once again. “Oh…okay. Well, I’ll see you around…or something.”
The two of them hadn’t had the perfect relationship, but Nick always thought it would be strong enough to last--even through the hardest of times. Things got rough just after his birthday, and the boys kicked off a huge tour with an insane schedule that left little time for them to do what they wanted. Brittany had tried to be patient at first, but Nick never had time to call, and when he did, their conversations were empty and pointless. He knew that their relationship was strained, hanging together by a thread, but there was nothing he could do. Nick didn’t realize what he had been doing to her; he was breaking her heart without even intending to.
When the rest of his family could see the hurt that was evident in her eyes, Nick honestly thought that it was just a rough patch and that it would pass. Brittany had told him that she felt as though she needed space, but Nick never thought that she would actually leave him. But things had changed and she had; surprising him, shattering his heart.
“Brit, wait!” He took off after her, running across the park, the chilly November wind whipping through his hair. She was walking faster now, desperate to get away from him. “Brittany, wait, we need to talk.”
She spun around, her hazel eyes blazing with fire and glazed with crystal tears. “What? What could you possibly want?”
“I just want to talk!” When she didn’t walk off, he took it as his chance to continue. “I’m so sorry for everything and I want you to forgive me.”
Brittany stared at him as if he had grown a second head, or maybe even a third. “Nicholas, if you think we’re getting back together…” She scoffed, “wow, you’re way off.”
He watched as she spun around, shaking her head as she marched away from him. Snow was falling, and he was becoming exceedingly colder by the second, but Nick felt as if his feet were stuck. Held to the ground by some invisible force; making him watch every step she took until she was simply a blurring dot--an afterthought of the snowstorm that was brewing around him.
It hadn’t been obvious to Nick that he was truly doing any amount of damage to Brittany, even after she walked out of his life. He’d always thought that it was just something she needed; that in time she would come around, and they would be able to talk through whatever went wrong. Truly, he hadn’t given much thought or concern to the reason she left, Nick told himself that his career came first, and he refused to lose focus for a girl. But standing there, watching the way her eyes--the eyes he once loved so much, for their pureness sparkle--were filled with tears, every ounce of shine gone, leaving them dull; still beautiful, but almost painful to look at.
Pulling his scarf tighter around his neck, Nick sighed and turned to leave. He’d never expected to see Brittany again, at least, not in this way. When he saw her, he wanted her to be on the arm of someone who was going to treat her better than he ever could have. He wanted to see it and finally convince himself that she’d moved on; that he should, too. He knew that it was going to be virtually impossible to forget her, but if Nick could see that she was happy, he thought he would be able to do it.
Now I know
That I was being such a fool;
That I didn’t deserve you.
Nick shook the snowflakes from his hair as he walked into the house, greeted by warmth. He could hear his family laughing in the dining room, but he knew that he couldn’t face them. Tossing his coat on a hook by the door, Nick retreated to his bedroom, locking his door behind him. Today had shown him that he never really deserved being with her. All the hurt and damage was finally evident, and all he wanted to do was kick himself for being so stupid, so blind. He had everything going for him--felt like the two of them could have beaten all the odds--and he threw it away, all because he didn’t believe that Brittany would ever actually leave him. Now he could see it, and it was too late.
