Ok guys, here it is. this is my first story so if it sucks i'm sorry. and if it does suck i'll blame it on the fact that i started writing this at like 3am and finished at 4am. but i hope you like it. the song that inspired me to write this [[and its in here so you should listen to it if you want to get the feeling of this]] is called Every Saturday by Seventh Day Slumber.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqz3XYGQHwY
I pulled all the pictures and letters out and spread them on the floor around me. I had thought that if I shut everything that reminded me of you in a box, maybe I could shut you out of my mind as well. But everywhere I look, I see things that make me think of you. Sometimes I swear I’ve seen you walking down the street, laughing like we used to. I dream of you. I hear your voice. I hear a song on the radio and I swear I can hear you singing along. I just can’t get away from you! Sometimes I get so mad at you for leaving me that I can barely stand it. I want to hate you for leaving like you did. I know it’s not your fault and that you didn’t want to leave, I really do. It’s just so hard to go on.
My brothers are worried about me. It’s been months and I’m still just as bad off as I was that first day. Still numb. It’s like I’m still in shock. I’m just a shell of who I was before. I tried to keep up with my music because I know you would have wanted me too. I kept writing. I still do, but I don’t know if I’ll ever record them or perform them. It would just be too much. Those songs are just for me. Without music I think I might’ve totally lost my mind.
I can hear my family talking quietly downstairs. It’s probably about me. It’s always about me lately. I know I’m worrying them but I just can’t bring myself to pretend like everything’s ok when it’s not. Everything is NOT ok. Nothing will ever be ok again. I know time is supposed to heal all wounds but time only seems to be making it worse.
That day we were going to go to the beach to hang out with some friends. I was running late as usual and you decided that instead of me going to get you when I left, that you would just drive here and get me since it wasn’t far. I figured it was okay. How was I supposed to know what would happen? After a while, when you didn’t get here, I got a little worried. But I shrugged it off, figuring you just got caught up in something and would be here later. That happened a lot. But after an hour I really started to freak out a little. I called your house and no one answered. I thought that meant you must be on your way, so I waited a while longer. Then I called your cell phone. It went straight to voice mail. I left a message telling you to call me back if you got the message before you saw me. I called my brothers at the beach to make sure you hadn’t just forgotten to get me. You weren’t there. I called your house again. Still nothing. I paced around my house, not sure what to do next. I texted you a few times, called again. Nothing. It had been 2 hours since you were supposed to come. I had a sick feeling in my stomach. I knew something wasn’t right. I had tried to suppress that feeling for 2 hours but now that I had nothing to distract me, it came back. I knew something must have happened—
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket and I grabbed it quickly, answering without even looking to see who it was.
“Hello?! Sam?” I asked anxiously.
“Joseph,” I heard a woman say. She was crying heavily and I almost didn’t even recognize my own name through her tears. “Joe, there’s been an accident. You need to get to the hospital now.”
She hadn’t even finished her sentence and I was already out the door running to my car. I put it in reverse and peeled out of my driveway, whipping out into the street. I drove, tires screaming, towards the hospital. Towards you.
When I got there I could tell it was bad. Your parents both looked heartbroken. They were clinging to each other like that was the only thing that could keep them from falling right there. I was almost afraid to approach them, but I had to know.
“How is she?” I asked, tears filling my own eyes. I could see it wasn’t good. “Can I see her?”
“Joe,” your father said sadly. “She’s not—well, you should hurry.”
I did. I ran to your room and stopped dead in the doorway when I saw you. Your face was bruised and cut up. Your head was bandaged. Almost every inch of you was covered in plaster or gauze. You had tubes sticking out of your arms, your nose, your mouth. I slowly approached the bed and fell to my knees beside it.
“Oh God,” I cried. “Please, Sam, don’t die on me. Sam, honey I love you, please don’t leave me!”
I sat by you all night, praying, hoping you would wake up. I don’t think I ever prayed that hard for anything in my life. When asking didn’t seem to be working, I begged. I pleaded. I tried to bargain and make deals with God. I told him he could have me instead, just as long as he didn’t take you. I was willing to trade my life for yours.
I’ll never know why, but God took you from me that night. As I held your hand, the life left you. The doctors had done all they could and thought it best to just let you go. I didn’t want to accept that. I screamed and yelled at them to do something. I knocked things over, I hit things. I think I may have punched a hole in one of the walls. I was so blinded by my fury and my heartache that I couldn’t see what a mess I was until it was too late to stop. Too late to keep myself from the downward spiral.
I didn’t do anything for weeks. A month. Then two. When I did leave the house I always got in trouble. I’d go out, get drunk, and go home. Repeat the next day. I’m amazed I didn’t end up dead. If my parents have taught me anything, it’s don’t drink. More importantly, don’t drink and drive. But I wasn’t thinking rationally. I wasn’t really thinking at all.
One night when I was driving home, I was more drunk than usual. I was way over the limit but I was too far gone to care. I sped down a street heading home when I hit some ice on the road. It had been unusually cold for fall and the roads were slick. I don’t remember the impact but when I woke up my car was wrapped around a tree trunk on the side of the road. I couldn’t see the extent of my injuries, but by the way I felt, I just knew I was going to die there in that car. I couldn’t help but let my thoughts drift to you. I wanted to spend my last few moments on earth with you.
Just as I was fading into unconsciousness I saw you in my head as clearly as if you were standing right in front of me. I heard your voice, clear as a bell, telling me not to give up. To fight. That it wasn’t my time yet. You told me I still had so much to live for. You told me that it was time to move on, that it had been long enough. You wanted me to be happy. You wanted me to live.
So I fought against the darkness. I gradually found myself waking up a bit. I couldn’t get out of the car, I was far to hurt for that, but I could hear sirens in the background. I looked around and saw a man running towards me.
“Are you okay?” he asked urgently. He must have been the one to call for help. “I’m going to stay with you until help comes. Can you tell me your name?”
“Joe,” I managed to say.
“Joe, my name is Daniel, I’m going to be right here. Don’t go anywhere okay?”
“Mmkay,” I whispered. “I’m so tired…”
“Joe, talk to me,” Daniel said, grabbing my hand. “How old are you?”
“19.”
He continued to talk to me until the ambulance arrived, getting information the paramedics might need as well as keeping me conscious.
I don’t really remember the ride there, but I spent quite a while in the hospital. I had several broken ribs, a cracked skull, and a broken leg, just to name a few things.
“Joseph, honey I’m so glad you’re okay,” my mom told me, her face tear stained. “But if you ever do anything like this again, so help me, I’ll kill you myself.” She couldn’t quite make herself sound mad enough. She was too happy that I was okay.
“I’m sorry mom, for everything,” I told her, grabbing her hand. “I promise, no more stupid stuff like that. I’m done.”
“I know honey. Get some rest. Your brothers want to see you soon. How does tomorrow sound?”
“Tomorrow sounds great,” I told her smiling. “I miss having them around me all the time. I miss how things were before…”
“I know. Just get some rest.”
That was a month ago. I’ve only been out of the hospital a couple weeks now. Since I got home I’ve been able to feel that box sitting in my closet. I could almost hear it calling for me, wanting to be opened.
Finally, today I was ready. I pulled the box out into the middle of the floor and began taking things out, one by one. Some things brought tears to my eyes, like letters Sam had written me. She always signed them different ways. Sometimes it would be something like, “I love you forever and always, Sam”. Others it would be, “You better write me back this time Joseph Adam! And in a note. A text isn’t the same and you know it! Sam”.
I went through everything. All of our notes, our pictures, everything she had ever given me, and everything I had ever given her. Everything that I had tried so hard to hide from was now surrounding me. And surprisingly I felt better. Not good exactly, but better than I had in a long time. I felt like maybe it wasn’t the end of the world. Yes, I loved Sam, and that would never change. But she was gone now and I had to move on. She told me so herself. I finally felt ready to move on.
For the first time since she died, I walked down the hall to Kevin’s room. I knocked on the door and opened it slowly. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to my sudden change.
“Hey, Kev? Can I come in?”
“Oh, hey Joe! Yeah, sure,” Kevin replied as if the last few months had never happened. Things between us felt just the same as they had before I shut everyone out. After we talked a while, Nick joined us. He didn’t seem too surprised by my change in attitude either. I didn’t know why that was, but I was grateful.
“Hey, guys, I was wondering if you could help me with something,” I said nervously, staring at my hands.
“Of course,” Nick answered immediately.
“What is it?” Kevin asked.
“Well, I’ve been writing a lot lately, and I’ve got these lyrics. There’s something missing from them and I think it’s you two. Nothing I write is ever right without you two helping me.”
“We’d be glad to help you Joe,” Kevin said, smiling warmly and giving me a hug. I pulled Nick into the hug as well and had to fight back the tears. I’d missed this so much and hadn’t even realized it. I missed writing and playing music with my brothers. More importantly, I just missed them.
We sat down with our guitars and before long we had the song finished.
“Ok, Joe, do you want to sing it through one more time, just to make sure everything’s right?” Nick asked me.
I didn't answer. I just picked up my guitar and began singing.
Saturdays have never been the same
And I still can’t believe you’re gone
So many things I wish that I could say
I guess the hardest part of moving on
Are these memories that have overtaken me
Once again, I’m right here on my knees
I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin
To understand the reason
I still believe that You’re God
Saturdays have never been the same
That moment keeps repeating in my mind
The ringing phone, a call that changed my world
An emptiness that words cannot define
Are these memories that have overtaken me
So once again, I fall upon my knees
I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin
To understand the reason
I still believe that you’re God
As you cried, I cried with you.
I’ll never leave, I’ll carry you through
Can’t you see that I was always there?
These ashes of pain will fade
I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin
To understand the reason
I still believe that You’re God
I had tears in my eyes when I finished singing, but I had a feeling of accomplishment. I’d done it. I’d written and sung a song about Sam and the world hadn’t ended. I was truly ready to move on.
“Good to have you back, bro,” Kevin said smiling.
And it was good to be back.
So, was it good? bad? any ideas how i could make it better? i always start fics and then cant finish them so this is officially my first completed one. so yeah comments would be lovely :)