so the original thread for this froze. ugh.
whatevs. here it is again. let me know what you think. :]
oh, and it's loosely based on the song "voice on the radio" by marie digby. amazing song - check it out.
VOICE ON THE RADIO
“Remember when we’d stay up late and we’d talk all night in a dark room lit by the TV light? Through all the hard times in my life, those nights kept me alive.”
Emily didn’t move a muscle when she heard her cell phone ring out from the nightstand next to her bed. Instead, she let it go to voicemail along with all the other phone calls she had received in the past week. She didn’t have to listen to the forty-three voicemails - forty-four, now - to know what people were calling about. She knew every message would be the same “I’m so sorry, let me know if there’s anything I can do” crap. Short of inventing a time machine, there was nothing anyone could do to help her.
Squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face into her pillow, Emily tried desperately to go back to sleep, but her body had done too much of that lately. For most of the past 144 hours, she had been unconscious. Because when she slept, she didn’t have to think about everything that had just gone wrong in her life. Her stomach growled uncontrollably, begging for food, but the last thing she wanted was to eat. All she wanted was for the ground to open up and swallow her, to take her away from her misery. A loud knock on her door caused Emily to groan.
“Go away,” she said, her voice muffled by her pillow. But the person didn’t retreat from outside her room. Instead she heard her door open, and she sighed. “You don’t listen very well.” She heard the sound of footsteps making their way across her room, and then a bright light surrounded her as the person opened her blinds. A few seconds later, she felt someone sit down on her bed.
“Em, get up. Please.”
Emily rolled over and saw her best friend perched next to her on top of the fluffy comforter. Emily groaned and rolled back over, tugged the covers up to her chin. “I can’t, Jami,” she said softly.
“Yes, you can,” Jami persisted. “You have to, Em. This isn’t healthy. You can’t stay cooped up in your room like this. You need to eat, and get out and do something.”
“No,” Emily said, her jaw clenched. “I don’t need to go anywhere. I’m fine here.”
“You’re not fine, Emily. You’re as far away from fine as you could possibly be. You haven’t showered in three days. Hell, you haven’t even gotten out of bed since Wednesday. You can’t do this anymore. Your mom wouldn’t want you to do this.”
Mom. A lump formed in Emily’s throat, and a wave of emotion overwhelmed her. She thought that she had cried every tear that she possibly could, but a new wave of them sprung to her eyes. She drew her knees up to her chest, curled into the fetal position, and sobbed uncontrollably. She felt Jami wrap her arms around her, and Emily choked on her tears as she let everything out.
“God, James, she’s really gone,” Emily sobbed, her tears staining her pillow. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.” Emily and her mother had always had a wonderful relationship, one stronger than most kids had with their parents. They never fought; Emily always tried her best to be the perfect child. But as with many circumstances in life, all good things must come to an end. Emily’s mother had been diagnosed with stage three breast cancer the previous summer. After ten months of chemotherapy, radiation and eventually a double mastectomy, she had finally lost the battle.
After several minutes, Emily’s tears subsided and she returned to her previous numbed state, her body rigid as she tried to block out the rest of the world. She felt Jami tug at her sleeve.
“Come on, Em, get up. You need to go do something.”
“Remember when we’d stay up late and we’d talk all night---”
Emily sat up suddenly and snatched her ringing cell phone off the nightstand. Anger, sadness and frustration rippled through her veins as she tore the battery off the back of the cell phone and threw it across the room. She couldn’t deal with the so-called friends who pretended to care about her mother’s death, the ones who she hadn‘t talked to in months but suddenly showed an interest in her feelings when her mom was dead. She couldn’t deal with the constant interruption of strangers calling. And she couldn’t deal with the lyrics of the ringtone she once adored that now haunted her because of the simple mention of the word “alive”.
“Emily…” Jami’s voice trailed off as she covered her best friend’s hand with her own.
“Not today, Jami,” Emily answered, staring down at her lap as she toyed mindlessly with the comforter fabric.
“But Em---”
“Not today,” Emily repeated firmly. “Tomorrow. We’ll go do something tomorrow. I promise. But right now I just really want to be alone. Please.”
Jami sighed, but stood. “Okay. Tomorrow. I’m holding you to that.” After she didn’t get a reply from Emily, Jami pushed herself off the bed and left the room, the door closing behind her with a resounding click.
After her friend’s exit, the silence that surrounded Emily soon became unbearable. She reached out to the nightstand and turned on the radio, then stared at the ceiling as she half-listened to the music. After a few minutes of overplayed, familiar songs and annoying commercials, Emily heard the chords of a slow song pump through the small speakers. She had never heard the song, and she was tempted to change the station. But that would require the energy to once again lean over within arm’s length of the radio, and she just didn’t feel like it. So she laid still, her eyes fixated on the ceiling and listened to the lyrics of the song.
Just thirty seconds into the song, tears began to stream down Emily’s cheeks. The words hit so incredibly close to home; it was as if this song had been written for her mother. It couldn’t have been more accurate. Emily laid completely still, paralyzed by the impact that the song had on her, and listened closely to the words that poured from the radio.
Emily soon found herself mesmerized by not only the lyrics, but also by the voice that sang them. The boy sang with so much raw emotion that it made Emily’s heart ache for him. No one could pour their soul into a song like that one unless the lyrics had also had some sort of impact on them.
The boy’s voice trailed off to a whisper, and then the slow instrumentation burst into a powerful one filled with an amazing guitar riff. If Emily had thought that the boy’s voice was emotional before, it was ten times greater when he began to sing again. His voice cracked slightly, the imperfections making the song even better, before breaking into one of the most amazing vocal runs Emily had ever heard. The guitars in the background faded, and slow, perfect music brought the song to a close.
Emily swiped at her tear-stained cheeks with her hand, but remained lying down. Her breath caught in her throat, and the familiar image of her mother’s face danced in front of her eyes. It was as if her mother had personally sent her that song, and it was if the boy who sang it was the angel that delivered it to her. Realizing that Jami had been right, that her mother would roll over in her grave if she knew of the way her daughter was reacting to her death, Emily quickly threw the sheets back and jumped out of bed.
Sitting down in front of her computer, Emily struggled to remember the name of the band that the DJ had said just after the song had completed. It hadn’t been a band that she recognized. After struggling for several minutes, her brain kicked into gear and she remembered the name of the band.
Emily quickly found the song on iTunes and purchased it, then put it on repeat and leaned back in the chair. She listened to the song over and over again for nearly an hour, until the words were etched into her mind. She memorized the boy’s voice and the music. With every play, she fell more and more in love with the emotional song. And, unknowingly, with the voice of the boy that sang it.
After the play count hit fourteen, Emily clicked the stop button. A new energy, one that she hadn’t felt since before her mother’s diagnosis, filled her. She had to get out, away from the prison cell that she had transformed her room into. Her mother would want her to get out. She pushed herself out of the chair and walked across the room, fetching her cell phone battery from off the carpet. She put in back in her phone and turned it on. Ignoring the plethora of voicemails that had collected, she punched in a familiar number.
“Hey James,” Emily stated after her best friend answered. “Um, listen, I’ve been thinking. Is it too late to go out and do something? You were right. I need to escape.”
The sun shone brightly into Emily’s eyes, causing her to squint as she watched the few white clouds in the sky move by slowly. Familiar lyrics poured into her ears from her iPod as she laid on the plush green grass in the neighborhood park. In the two weeks since discovering the incredible song, it had become her anthem, the words that she lived by. The song kept her going, kept her strong, and she constantly listened to it. Emily used it as a reminder that her mother, although no longer in this world, was always right beside her.
Emily loved the park. It was sacred, the one place that she could go to think about everything, but she could still feel free thanks to the wide open space. She and her mother had frequented the park when Emily was younger, and just being there made Emily feel that much closer to her mother.
“Want some company?”
Emily looked to her left and although the sun made it difficult for her to spot details, she would recognize that mop of curly hair anywhere. She tugged the headphones out of her ears and pushed herself to a sitting position.
“Nick?” she asked. Sure enough, there he was in the flesh. She had met him four months earlier in the local hospital while she was there with her mom. She didn’t know much about Nick, other than the fact that he had been having trouble with his diabetes. She knew only his first name, and had a phone number that he had given her that was now disconnected.
Although she hadn’t spoken to him since he left the hospital the day after he was admitted, she had cherished the short time that she had spent talking with him. Emily’s mother had begun her downward slide, and talking with Nick had gotten her through that day. Conversation had come easily, and she had immediately taken a liking to the cute, quiet sixteen-year-old. But their time together had been cut short, and she had never expected to see him again.
“The one and only,” Nick answered, grinning as he sat down on the warm grass beside her. Emily soon found herself enveloped in a hug, his arms pulling her into his body. The scent of coconut and cologne wafted into Emily’s nostrils, and a ripple of electricity surged through her body. The sensation surprised her, and if Nick felt the same shockwave, he didn’t show any kind of reaction. When he finally released her from his grip, Emily’s heart was pounding so fast it felt like it was about to jump out of her chest.
“What are you doing here?” Emily asked when she finally regained her composure.
“I don’t think I ever mentioned it,” Nick said, plucking the grass in front of him, “but I’m in a band. And we have a show here tomorrow night. I found your phone number and called it, hoping that I could see you this afternoon. Your dad answered, and he said you would be here.” Nick chuckled and looked over at Emily. “That doesn’t make me sound like a stalker or anything.”
Emily laughed. “I‘m surprised you remember me.”
“I could never forget you,“ Nick said in complete seriousness. Emily could feel her cheeks burning, and she silently prayed that Nick couldn’t see the flushed color on her face.
“So how is your mom doing?” Nick asked after a few moments. The doofy smile on Emily’s face quickly faded, and she shifted her gaze to the ground.
“She died three weeks ago,” she mumbled. Tears sprang to her eyes; it always hurt worse when she had to utter those words aloud. It was as if by verbally confirming it, the death of her mother became more real.
“Oh, Emily…” Nick’s words trailed off as he again wrapped his arms around Emily’s body, his hands softly smoothing her blonde hair. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her ear, his breath hot on her neck.
“I am, too,” Emily whispered in reply. “I miss her so much, Nick. I feel so lost without her. The only thing that’s keeping me going right now is a song, as stupid as that sounds.” Emily pulled away from Nick’s embrace slightly and quickly brushed any trace of her tears away from her eyes.
“A song?” Nick asked.
“Yeah,” Emily said, her gaze falling to the ground. “There’s this song I heard on the radio a couple of weeks ago, and it just described everything so perfectly. It’s a beautiful song, and every time I listen to it, I feel like the words are being sent to me by my mother. It’s so comforting, so soothing. It’s what is getting me through each day.”
Nick nodded. “Music can have that kind of impact on people, and it’s a great feeling when you find a song that you can relate to. Lyrics are powerful.”
“Not only that, though,” Emily said, then hesitated slightly before continuing. “Yes, the lyrics are incredible. But words are just words unless you have an incredible voice backing them up. The guy who sings the song … his voice is so incredible, so emotional. You can hear him pour his soul into each and every word. There’s so much passion in that song, and the more I listen to it, the more I fall in love with that passion.” Emily shook her head. “Gosh, that sounds stupid. But it’s true, I suppose. I’ve fallen in love with a voice on the radio.”
“That’s not stupid at all,” Nick replied, his stare burning into Emily’s eyes. Emily swallowed, attempting to get rid of the lump that had formed in her throat.
“So anyways,” she said, desperate to change the subject. “Seen any good movies lately?”
For the next two hours, Emily and Nick traded stories and witty banter, enjoying each other’s company until the sun began to dip low on the horizon. Emily told Nick that it was time for her to get home, and Nick politely offered to walk the three blocks with her to her house. They stood and began the slow walk to Emily’s house, neither one of them wanting to say goodbye.
As they crossed the baseball field of the part, Emily felt Nick grab her hand. The shockwave from earlier returned, but she made no attempt to rip her hand out of Nick’s comforting grasp. She smiled to herself as they walked out of the park, a comfortable silence surrounding them.
“So you know that song that you mentioned earlier?” Nick asked, finally breaking the silence. “What is it called?” Emily hesitated before answered. What if Nick knew of the song and hated it? What if he came up with some reason to make her dislike it?
“A Little Bit Longer,” Emily replied, failing to notice Nick’s shocked reaction to those four simple words. “It’s incredible. ‘Waiting on a cure, but none of them are sure…’” Emily’s voice trailed off, a new round of tears springing to her eyes.
“A little bit longer and I’ll be fine,” Nick finished softly. Emily looked up at him, eyebrows arched.
“You know the song,” Emily stated, preparing herself for any negative criticism that could escape Nick’s mouth.
“I wrote it,” Nick said quietly.
“What?” Emily asked, unsure if she’d heard him correctly.
“I wrote it,” Nick repeated, glancing over at Emily. “I wrote that song.”
“Oh my God,” Emily said, panic rising within her. Part of her wanted to believe that he was kidding, that it was some kind of sick, twisted joke that he was playing on her. But the look on his face told her that he was nothing but serious. A million thoughts, and an overdose of embarrassment, raced through Emily’s mind. He wrote it about his diabetes, she realized. The words fit perfectly for that scenario, and that would explain why there was so much emotion in the lyrics. It was about his struggle. I told him I had fallen in love with his voice, Emily thought, suddenly sick to her stomach.
“I-I have to go,” she stammered, tearing her hand away from Nick’s. Without a glance back, she began to half-walk, half-run home. The quicker she could get away from Nick, the better.
“Emily, wait!” Nick’s voice - his wonderful, talented voice - called out to her, but Emily ignored him. Within seconds, she heard the patter of footsteps behind her, and felt Nick’s strong hand on her arm. She stopped in her tracks and spun around, trying so hard to avoid his stare.
Nick was no longer the random boy that she had met in the hospital, and his voice was no longer the random one that she had fallen for. They were both the same, complete equals bundled together. The feelings she had for Nick had always been there; she’d just been too wrapped up in other things to notice them. But now, the jello knees and way her heart raced were pretty good indicators that she noticed the feelings now.
For the past several hours, the death of Emily’s mother had not been on her mind. It was the first time since that horrific day that thoughts of her dying mother hadn’t been carved into her brain. Just like the voice on the radio, Nick had the ability to overtake Emily’s thoughts, make her think about him and nothing else. But now she had blown it. Any chance she had with Nick was probably gone. Finally, she forced herself to look up at him, and was a mistake. His deep brown eyes were hypnotizing, and they pulled her in.
“It’s okay, Em,” Nick assured her softly, not releasing his grip on her arm.
“No, it’s not okay,” Emily countered, her cheeks feeling as though they were on fire. “It’s not okay. I’m sorry, I should have never said any of that. God, I’m stupid. I---”
Emily’s words were smothered when Nick stepped forward and his lips collided with her own. Although caught off guard, Emily soon began to relax and allowed herself to succumb to Nick’s tender kiss. He kissed with the same passion and fire that was evident in his lyrics. He wrapped his arms around Emily and drew her in close to his body, and Emily’s fingers soon found themselves tangled in his soft curls. Finally, Nick pulled back slightly so their faces were just inches apart.
“You’re not stupid,” he told Emily, his hand gently cupping the side of her face. “You’re smart, and beautiful, and caring. You’re incredible, Emily.” He smiled at her, gently running his thumb along her jaw line. “Falling in love with the voice on the radio is never a stupid thing. Because in this case, that voice loves you, too. I love you, too.”
Shocked, Emily looked at Nick curiously, wondering if her ears had deceived her. But no, she had heard him correctly. But she could think of no words to say. Nothing seemed appropriate and the last thing she wanted to do was word-vomit some ridiculous phrase again and send him running for the hills.
So she kissed him again.
He's in a rock band with a voice like an angel.
I never saw it coming,
The way a voice can make me feel.
And I fear that I am falling.
