Hi. I know none of the Jonas Brothers are in it, and I know A LIttle BIt LOnger is a song about diabetes, but the topic was on my mind, and the song fits in nicely. I'd really appreciate comments.
Got the news today
Doctor said I had to stay
A little bit longer
And I’ll be fine
I was 11 years old when I tripped. Oops, clumsy me, brush it off. The next morning, I woke up and there was a huge purple bruise on my leg.
My mom took me to the doctor.
“Hayleigh, you have leukemia.”
What? Not possible. I can’t have cancer.
“We’re going to transport you to Children’s. You’ll be starting chemotherapy.”
I don’t understand. I don’t need chemo. I don’t have leukemia. I’m a regular 11 year old girl.
I lost all my hair. All of it. Gone. But so was the cancer. I was in remission.
When I thought it’d all been done
When I thought it’d all been said
A little bit longer
And I’ll be fine
Routine checkup. I was 15.
“Hayleigh, the cancer’s back.”
What? There’s no way. I’ve been fine for almost two years.
Back to the hospital. More chemo. More tears. More fear.
But you don’t know what you’ve got
Till its gone
And you don’t know what its like
To feel so low
I missed my entire sophomore year. Lost touch with a lot of my friends. I’m missing out on so much. What did I do to deserve this?
And every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don’t even know
No, no
You don’t even know
“Hayleigh, I miss your smile. You don’t need to be so sad. You’re going to be alright.”
Are you sure about that? I’m not. And, I am sad. I wasn’t to be normal again. Like everyone else. I don’t want to have treatments every day that make me so tired I can barley talk. I don’t want to worry about infections or getting sick. I don’t want to worry about dying.
All this time goes by
Still no reason why
A little bit longer
And I’ll be fine
I don’t understand why God would betray me like this. I don’t understand why it had to be me. Why do I have to suffer? Why do doe my family have to go through this? We never did anything wrong. It doesn’t make sense.
Waitin’ on a cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer
And I’ll be fine
“They just approved a new treatment, Hayleigh. We’re going to see if it helps you.”
So this is what I have become. A human guinea pig.
I know that’s not right. Maybe it’ll help me. And if it doesn’t maybe I will get them closer to a cure. So no one has to go through what I am again.
But you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone. And you don’t know what it’s like
To feel so low
I’ve come to a conclusion. If I am going to die from this, which I pray I won’t all through the day, I don’t want to spend the last of my time depressed. I don’t want to be sad anymore. It’s hard, though. I’ve missed so much. Most of my junior year, and prom. I spent my sweet 16 in a hospital bed. But I don’t want to be scared anymore.
And every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don’t even know
No, no
You don’t even know
“Hayleigh, it’s so good to see you smile again.”
I like being happy again. I think that maybe the treatments are working. I feel so much better. That should count for something.
And you don’t know what you’ve got
Till it’s gone
And you don’t know what it’s like
To feel so low
And every time you smile or laugh you glow
You don’t even know
No. no
“Hayleigh, I’m sorry. You’ve stopped responding to treatments.”
That’s a nice way to say, you are going to die soon.
Oh.
Numb.
Can’t breathe.
My parents are crying.
I think I am.
I’m not sure.
I’m not sure of anything
Except
I’m not going to be here much longer.
So I wait till kingdom come
All the highs and lows are gone
A little bit longer
And I’ll be fine.
I’ll be fine.
I love you, Mom and Dad.
Don’t cry for me.
Here, there’s no more pain.
No more hurt.
No more fear.
Now,
I’m fine.
