A new one shot by me.
no long explaination on this one.
just... comment please.
~Belles <3 [is afraid everyone's gonna hate this]
Unwanted Hero
I stood at the end of the pier, my toes hanging off the edge. I closed my eyes and lifted my head towards the sky. There was something freeing about my decision. It made me feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I took one last gulp of the cool air surrounding me before diving into the water, clothes and all.
The water engulfed me, hugging me like an old friend. I loved the feeling of being absolutely weightless. All too soon though my body began to burn, begging for oxygen. I rejected the request and opened my mouth instead to let out any air I had left while hungrily swallowing the cold water. I didn't need air. I didn't need anything. Just this weightless feeling of nothingness. A few more seconds was all it took for my body to give up and for me to get my wish. A black filled emptiness.
Much to my dismay my nothingness didn't last to long.
Something was trying to force air into my body and the water out. I struggled determined to keep my nothingness but the force was much more determined than I. I began coughing all the water up and letting the dreaded air in. Soon I was breathing again, but still felt too weak to move. My eyes fluttered open and I found a boy over me, his eyes relieved.
“You're alive.” He smiled.
I officially hated that smile. I wanted to shout at him. To hurt him. I didn't want to be alive. Why did he have to play hero today?
“An ambulance is on the way. Don't worry I'm here for you.” He assured me, cautiously taking my hand.
I don't know how long it was until the ambulance because I blacked out, thank goodness.
The next time I awoke I was in the hospital. I hurt all over and my head felt like it was going to explode. “Wh-what happened?” I asked, pressing my hand to my head.
“You were drowning when a young man saved you. Then you blacked out. Right now we're doing some tests to make sure everything checks out okay and then you'll be released.” A doctor informed me.
I closed my eyes trying to clam down my roller coaster of emotions. “Where is this boy?” I asked.
“Right outside. Would you like to meet him?”
“Yes, please.” I replied.
The doctor walked out and the next person to come in was a boy with curly hair.
“How are you.” The boy asked concerned.
“I've been better.” I replied.
He nodded his head. “Look if you wanted to thank me I just want to..”
I cut him off, “Thank you? Why would I thank you?”
He was speechless.
“Why in world would I thank the guy who saved my life!” I yelled.
“Are you.... being sarcastic?” He asked.
My eyes narrowed. “No. I'm being serious. It wasn't an accident. I wanted to drown. I wanted to...” I trailed off.
His hazel eyes were wide. “Die? You wanted to die?”
I looked away. The shock in his eyes, like he actually cared, was too much for me.
“Why would you want to do that?” He asked.
“Why do you care?” I shot back, angry that he was making me feel so bad about the decision that had filled me with such happiness moments before.
“I have my reasons.” He said vaguely.
“And I have mine.” I answered, glaring at him.
He looked right back, but his gaze was more thoughtful as if he was studying me.
“I've had enough. Go away.” I ordered.
“No.” He said.
My eyes grew wide with shock. “What do you mean no?”
“I mean. There is no way I'm leaving you alone until I'm sure you won't try to off yourself again.”
Now I was angry. “You can't do that. Now go before I call a doctor or something.”
“Fine. But I won't be far.” He replied before walking out of the room.
A bunch of tests, medical talk, paperwork, and other things I didn't understand later I was released. I didn't know what to do with myself. On the assumption that I wouldn't be alive I hadn't planned anything for today.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I whined to no one in particular.
“You could follow me.” A familiar male voice said.
“You.” I spat.
“Me.” He smiled.
“I don't even know your name. Go away.”
“Kevin. That's my name.” He grinned.
“I don't care. Leave me alone.” I ordered turning to walk away, but Kevin caught my hand.
“No. You're coming with me.” He gripped my hand tightly and began pulling me through the bustling streets of the city.
I didn't pay attention to where we were going. Instead I focused on yelling at my kidnapper. “This is wrong. This is annoying. This is kidnapping. Harassment. Illegal. I'll put you in jail. I'll call the cops. I'll scream. This is bad. This is...”
I stopped talking because we had stopped walking. “What?” I questioned looking at the small store he had stopped in front of.
He opened the door and I could hear the sound of bells chiming announcing the arrival of visitors. “Ladies first.” He smiled, gesturing me to walk inside.
I eyed him suspiciously, but curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know where he had brought me and why. It's not like I had anything to lose, I was still planning on killing myself. This would just delay my plans a little bit.
After we were both inside I scanned the small room. There were books spilling everywhere. New ones, old ones. Children books, dictionaries. Some of them were yellowed with age, others were just barely hanging together. The whole place was dimly lit and smelled like my grandmother's house.
I felt a sharp pang in the place where my heart should've been. My Grandma. I missed her.
“Why'd you take me here?” I asked, my voice showing more pain than I wanted it too.
Kevin looked at me, concern showing in his eyes. When I didn't say anything else, he held his hand out as if asking for my permission. Hesitantly I put my hand in his, hoping I wouldn't regret it. He guided me through the crowded room until we reached a corner in the back. He opened a door, I wouldn't have noticed, and walked down the winding stairs. I followed closely behind.
When we reached the bottom he turned on a small light that revealed the cramped room. There was an old worn chair in the corner with books stacked haphazardly next to it. An acoustic guitar was leaning against the bare wall with a Teach Yourself Guitar book and a black spiral notebook next to it. It was crowded, small, and dingy, yet somehow felt extremely homey and welcoming.
“I don't.... I don't understand.” I finally said.
Kevin let go of my hand pulled a stool out from a dark corner that had slipped my notice. He sat down on it and motioned for me to take the chair. I obliged.
“This is where I come to think. To get away from it all. I became really good friends with the owners of this store and they let me have this small basement room for myself. I love it dearly, but I haven't been here since...” Kevin took a deep breath and I could tell something was hurting him. “Since Katie died.” He finished in a whisper.
My whole body went still. My heart ached for him, how it must feel to have someone you love die. “Was she.... was it...” I stuttered unsure of what was appropriate to ask.
“She was my best friend. And she killed herself. Drowned in her own pool.” He said darkly, his hand balled in a first and his jaw clenched.
My breath caught in my throat. Hadn't I just tried to end my life by drowning?
“I guess you could say I saved you because I couldn't save her.” Kevin laughed bitterly, no humor in his voice. “I was too late.”
I let a shaky breath out, convincing myself that it was safe to breathe.
Kevin looked directly at me. “Why would she do that? Why would you kill yourself?”
I could see the questioning in his eyes. The pain at not knowing. At wondering what was so bad people couldn't bear to live anymore. “I.... I don't know. It was all just... too much.”
He continued to look at me and I feared he could see into the depths of my soul. All my dirty little secrets and foolish hopes. “Too much? What does that mean? Billions of people probably go through more than you have and they don't resort to drowning themselves. Hundreds of people hurt and they keep on living. I keep on living.”
My jaw tightened and I swallowed trying to ignore the lump in my throat and the tears in my eyes. “Maybe you're just stronger than me. Maybe I'm defected.”
Kevin broke his gaze and picked up the guitar. He held it carefully and began to play. The chords and notes of a song I didn't know immediately began to fill the small room.
“I used to play to her.” He said, staring at his feet as he kept playing. “I'd play her anything and everything. We'd stay here for hours on end. Her reading her books. Me playing my guitar. She was always reading a new book when I looked. She went through books faster than anybody I knew. She bragged that she once read the whole Harry Potter series in one week. I didn't doubt her. If anybody could do that, she could.
“I loved watching her as she read. She was the only person I knew that could get into a fictional story so completely. She would gasp out loud at the shocking parts. She would cry at the sad parts. And laugh so loud I was sure people outside could hear her. She would get angry and throw her book across the room only to pick it back up and continue reading. Sometimes she'd become embarrassed for the fictional characters. Hiding her face in the book she'd almost refuse to continue reading. But she'd continue. She always did.
“The past year she had been drifting away from me. I saw her less and less. The stack of her favorite books by the chair began gathering dust. I had no clue where she was or what she was doing. When I'd try to contact her she'd tell me to leave her alone. That what she did was none of my business. If only I had known what she was going through. If only I had guessed.” Kevin trailed off, still playing his guitar. I thought he was done speaking, but he wasn't.
“And then, one day out of the blue she called me. Asked me to meet her here. I gladly obliged and I spent the most wonderful day in here. It was just like old times. Me playing, her reading. Both of us sharing stories and ideas. Lame jokes and weak insults. If only I had known then. She wasn't trying to get back what we had. She was saying good-bye.” Kevin finished, still staring at his shoes, still playing his guitar.
I sat there listening to him play. “Maybe. Maybe she's happier now.” I said softly.
Kevin's playing grew more intense. “Happier? Dead? How so? She'll never laugh again. Never smile. She'll never sit here throwing books at me when my playing sucks and telling me to shut up because she's trying to read. How could she be happy?”
I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together. “Maybe she's happy because she doesn't have to deal with whatever sent her over the edge in the first place anymore. She's probably in Heaven right now. And she'd be happier if you weren't so down on yourself.”
His playing became angry. “She killed herself. And I'm supposed to be happy for her? Are you crazy?”
I stared at my own shoes, unsure of how to respond.
“Of course you're crazy.” Kevin muttered his playing becoming somewhat softer, but sounding very confused. “You tried to drown yourself.”
My face scrunched up in hurt. “That's not fair.” I replied.
“How so?” He asked.
“You have no idea what I've been through.” I whispered.
Kevin looked straight at me. “Then tell me.” His playing became soft and lilting, almost as if he was pleading with me.
“I... I don't think I can.” I whispered. I always had trouble sharing my problems with others. That's part of what made me the way I am now. The fact that I couldn't lean on anybody, I couldn't trust anybody. It wasn't that there wasn't anybody trustworthy out there. It was just that I couldn't bring myself to be the person who needed help. I was always the helper. Never the victim.
“Try.” He urged.
“I don't think I can.” I muttered.
Kevin put his guitar down and walked over to me. He bent down to my eye level and said. “Let me help you. And if I've done all I can and you still want to....” He trailed off and I could see the pain in his eyes just thinking about it. “Then... I guess I can't stop you. But please, try first.”
I looked deep into his eyes, searching for an answer but finding nothing but love and concern. “I'll try.” I finally said letting him engulf him in a hug.
The warmth of his body and the smell of him surrounded me. I let myself feel comfort in these strange arms. In my unwanted hero.