Daddy's Rules for Dating 
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy):

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. 

Rule Two :
you do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them...

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. 

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. 

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' 

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. 

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? 

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better. 

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. 

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce i n a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

4 all the Jonas Brothers Haters.......

I'M SORRY
that you think the Jonas Brothers are
"gay", only because
they don't talk about hooking up with
girls in their music.They actually have morals!

I'M SORRY
that you think they are pansies, only
because they aren't
cussing at us through their music.
They have more class than that.

I'M SORRY
that you joke me for being in love
with them, only because
you don't know them, and haven't
given them a chance.

I'M SORRY
that they call girls beautiful instead of
sexy, so you
think that they are wussies.

I'M SORRY
That you think there just some Disney stars for little kids!
News Flash! They are NOT!

I'M SORRY
that you think their music sucks, only
because they aren't
talking about getting lit.
There wonderful parents taught them better than that!
Most of all........

I'M SORRY, that you haven't even given them a
chance. You haven't
even listened to their music, and you
haven't even
thought about the fact that girls LOVE
when guys act
the way the Jonas Brothers do.
Maybe, if you acted
that way, we may like you too.
I support the Jonas Brothers.
Through all the teasing we get for loving them.
For all the people who tell
you that they're gay and that they suck because
they're jealous that they don't have amazing talent like those boys.
For all the guys that say
they're gay beause they're jealous that all
the girls love them;
To the people that say they have changed...They haven't! They have just grown up.. everyone does..they've people out there who
haven't given
the Jonas Brothers a chance and who clearly need to.
I love the jonas brothers and I ALWAYS will.               

CREDIT TO: JoBrox3OJD